Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
First post. Please do be gentle if possible.
I’ve struggled for the longest time. Was diagnosed aged 22, only last week in fact.
I’m struggling because I know I won’t have what everyone else has. I won’t have a plethora of friends, or as good prospects in terms of work and relationships. Without going too in-depth, my familial relationships are non-existent; support just isn’t a thing currently. I’m trying to access private therapy but I’ve had an abysmal experience with that thus far.
I appreciate Instagram of all things isn’t indicative of reality, but I get a weird feeling in my throat and stomach because frankly, I have no one to interact with. What’s the point in even having an account?
I won’t understand societal norms, especially pertaining to womanhood. I’ve never particularly been invested in make-up, or hair care, or boys; I say this not in a, “I’m not like other girls,” way, but because it’s innately true. I couldn’t connect and so thus, this created a disconnect between myself and them. And not in a good way.
I’m returning to education soon and frankly, I’m terrified. As much as I’d like to progress, I don’t think I can do this. I feel perpetually burnt out both being stationary, and participating in things; there’s no middle ground it seems. It doesn’t help now that no one takes it seriously. “Everyone’s a little autistic now.”
I’m just frustrated, and people in my family don’t get it. They won’t, and so I thought it might be worth confiding in a space that might. I’m tired and angry with myself, though I know this does absolutely nothing.
Apologies for sounding controversial here, but I’m angry for having this diagnosis; these struggles that simply aren’t within my control. I can learn to interact with others in a way that might be socially acceptable, but even then it’s at the expense of my own health. I know things could be worse.
I just needed to yell into the void. Thanks.
Hi...late diagnosis here as well (48) and similar family issues (zero contact or support).
I found this video from another late diagnosee very helpful to watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nI-GZjbJ3M&t=36s&ab_channel=MatRicardo
With friendships, be heartened that those who remain your friends are TRUE friends. I have two "best" friends who I have known since I was 11 years old. They have always known I was different, but love me anyway, and are happy to work around me. They've gradually got to know what I can and cannot do, and that if I don't stay long at an event it is nothing personal.
Likewise for romantic relationships. I am married to a very supportive woman who also "gets me" and I am confident that it is a real and strong relationship because of this and her ability to work around my Autistic traits.
I'm not saying life will be rosy...I have had work struggles for decades when undiagnosed as I can't do the workplace politics that makes things run smoothly for NTs. Diagnosis hasn't made it any easier either, as unfortunately my workplace is currently failing to support me, but that's in hand (make sure you join a union if you can).
There are many fantastically successful Autistic people - finding your niche is the hard part. For me it is a job that involves a lot of routine and mostly solo working :)
Hi OAP,
Thanks so much for the video, the suggestions, and words of encouragement.
I’m feeling a little burnt out today so apologies for the lacklustre reply. I appreciate it sincerely.
Many thanks.