Washing - why so hard?

When I came home one day and told my wife that I think I’m autistic, she started to piece things together. First thing was that I have never showered, I find it too much, it’s like acid rain. Walking bare foot was then mentioned to me as an observation that I also never do it, if unavoidable I still walk on tip toe. Sorry going off on a tangent. I bath once a week, the same as childhood. Sometimes I think about washing but then autistic inertia stops me from taking the first step. The autistic inertia problem has controlled my life to quite a large extent.

It's a lot to do and the effort to do said things like washing/changing etc all use up valuable energy which can result in severe fatigue and then headaches and aching. That's what happens to me if I do too much so sadly my hair etc has to wait until I'm ready.

It's like making the beds really takes it out of me, I am exhausted after. I don't know why. It's a normal thing but it just zaps the energy from me. I've got to dress the girls, bathe them etc after doing all that I need to lay down and wait for the fatigue to pass.

You're definitely not being a baby. It takes a lot for us to process and do things so it's more than understandable.

One thing I do is l dry off in the shower and then put the same comfy house clothes back on for a while. For some reason the same clothes feel better and I can change into what the day needs after about 30 minutes. But my family knows if I mention a shower it'll be more than an hour before I actually do it.

For your son maybe help him create his ritual. If he has issues at the end like me then he can have a prep that will help.  

It's washing my hair that's the biggest thing for me. I just can't make it a priority and easily forget to do it, sometimes for a while, I'm ashamed to say. I've tried making a routine around it, but it never seems to work for long - something happens to disrupt it and I'm back where I was before. 

Kate Kestrel said:

So it’s just a matter of lots of gentle encouragement in our house!

How about having a treat that he only can have once he showers? I would need to be high value enough to make him want to consider it.

I can relate, and my youngest adult son much more so.  I just slightly dislike this stuff, but my son really hates it. 
I think if he didn’t still live with us I doubt he’d have a shower for about 3 months. He just hates it so much. I have to encourage him so much to clean his teeth - I remind him him about ten times throughout the day to encourage him. I understand why he hates it because I really don’t like it much either - but I feel better after a shower etc, but he doesn’t feel better after a shower so doesn’t have that motivation. So it’s just a matter of lots of gentle encouragement in our house! But I really do worry about what will happen when we’re not here to encourage him a bit. Hopefully he will find the discipline to encourage himself by that point. 

I have this issue but I hate all of the sensations AFTER the shower. My hair is curly so I don't blow it dry but I can't stand my shirt getting wet if my hair hasn't been in the towel long enough. My skin get dry and I don't like the feeling of pulling clothes on damp skin that's just been lotioned.  It really bothers me for water to get on the floor. And the list goes on a little bit.

So for me it's preparing to deal with all of that after I'm clean and some days it's just easier to not. I do have a system for dealing but it takes energy. Showers are not relaxing for me.

I think 1. I don't like being naked, at any point. 2. I am afraid of getting in and out of my shower (the over-bath kind? I always think I'll slip) 3. clothes *are* more comfy and soft once they've been worn a few days.

So it's probably lots of things! 

Some really brilliant ideas Iain. 

I already set reminders for doing laundry, because the washing machine is hidden and I don't see it all the time, it totally slips my mind. 

Maybe like you say I make x morning(s) shower days and I have to shower that day. I am quite good at rules I set for myself, but then again not being clean feels like a victimless crime - I'm not bothering anyone by being smelly or dirty. 

Seeing people - yes if I have something in the diary I am more likely to wash and put on clean clothes because of the judgement. So that's another way to bribe myself! 

Yes it's so infuriating that I know logically, showering or changing my bedding will only take a few mins, but it's like...getting over that mental hurdle. It may not be an autism thing, I have a host of other things wrong with me physically and mentally that might be causing the block in my mind. 

Could it be something to do with familiarity? The feeling we have from not showering? Something to do with the skin, sensation? I always feel better after a shower and getting into bed with fresh bed linen is lovely. Or is it motivation? 

Autumn_Trees said:

Why is getting washed and/or clean so hard?

There are a few things you can try to make this easier.

If you work well with routine, create that routine - put up reminders to do in (maybe set a reminder on your phone) and try to force yourself into it. It takes 3 or more weeks for that constant repetition to become engrained into your brain (ie form new neural pathways in your behavioral centres) so you need to stick at it.

Are you reward focussed? Maybe allow yourself a special treat ONLY if you complete your task for the day. This requires discipline though.

Creating a routine that is performed on auto pilot can help. Basically if you wake up then you can't do anything (esp breakfast) before you have dragged yourself into the shower. The same on laundry day - if your machine is at home.

If you have to use external laundry then it is back to remiders on your phone to bug you until it is done.

As for the state of the bed - strip the sheets off before the cleaner comes and they won't see the state (unless you used lots of whipped cream and chocolate sauce the night before)

Take time to savour the fresh laundry - the smell of freshly washed armpits and praise yourself for being a better person from it (this is more about creating the reward centre of your brain to create ceratonin to make you feel good).

Always allow yourself a lapse if you are feeling poorly, but get back to the routine as soon as possible and make the treat a bit more special on the return.

Another motivator is start going out to see people more. You seen motivated to be better for them so it could be another kick in the pants to go it.

I hope something in there helps.

I definitely relate. I couldn't tell you why, but I feel this compulsion to leave it even though I know it would take literally 10 minutes to change my bed. So I sometimes go a couple months even though I know it's gross. 

I used to have the same kinda thing where I wouldn't brush my teeth enough or would go a few days without washing but I mostly do a lot better with that now. Partly because I have long hair, so if I haven't washed it for 2 days I'm aware of the grease and stuff every second of the day. Now it's only during periods of total disaster where I don't force myself to go through it every other day at least.