Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
My feedback for the mods.
Good job guys, and girls. You do a great job.
What you need to remember is they are volunteers and they can't be held responsible for you reading and participating in threads which trigger you. No one forces you to read them or respond to someone who has a different opinion to you.
If you don't like it then just don't respond to that person or thread. It really is that simple.
The problem as I see it is anonymity. The rules actually require it ... Some people may feel safer if their identity is hidden, BUT it also gives the bullies a chance to hide behind their anonymity. This is the problem with social media - people posting anonymously online can behave in ways that they would not in a face-to-face meeting.
Agree with what both you and TriS say. It's about treating people with respect at the end of the day even if you don't agree with them. Shouldn't matter if it's online or face to face.
I think either we disagree on which things should be unacceptable here or on whether those people would say the same things to their face. About half of the things mentioned in the OP are the kinds of things I've heard voiced in real life on multiple occasions, among countless other sexist, racist and homophobic things. We should have no room for things like that in our community, but here we are.
Hold on I may be able to help. https://community.autism.org.uk/members/nas83550 on my Bio in a corner near the top it should say connect. the option to DM should drop down from that.
I would if I knew how, despite being a former scientist I do not like computers and digital things in general. I only ever became savvy enough to master computer-based things vital for work.
You will have to forgive me if I have a tough time keeping track of my own conversations with folks after a while I don't always read the conversations of others as they unravel under threads typically as to do so takes up more executive funtioning than I can always afford. But I'm sorry to hear that is the case, my DMs are open, I have a suspicion I know now who you may be refereing to but only based on a single comment I saw, I was unaware of a pattern but I don't want to carelessly speculate in public, would you kindly try open a DM with me, so I may offer proper comiserations privately?
I am a victim, serially, of one poster here.
I think the 'pub' setting is not the crux of the argument here. The crux is, if you would not be willing to say something to someone to their face, do not say it here, and hide behind anonymity. I think we are all aware of how the anonymity of the internet allows people who have the tendency to say extreme and hurtful things that they would not voice in real life.
Who says I was talking about you specifically? That is a weirdly defensive reaction when you yourself did not say you were a victim specifically in your first reply. You said "them" not "me".
Martin said:abuse them by baselessly accusing them of hateful criminal activity.
How on earth am I to know who you are talking about if you don't say so in the first instance? I'm autistic not psychic.
As a forum primarily to support people, I don't think our target should be "would that be okay in a pub?"
The kinds of things that are upsetting members and making them not want to be here would go over just fine in lots of pubs, but I imagine the majority of people here wouldn't choose to spend their time in a place like that. It's not like casual sexism, racism, homophobia and generally being atrociously insensitive are extinct in our general society.
My take on this is "would you say it in the pub to someone you didn't know?". If the answer is no or not sure, then don't post it.
If you said it in a pub you'd at best be ostracised, possibly be thumped or kicked out. Online really isn't that different, there is no carte blanche. We're adults and need to be responsible for our actions, we shouldn't even need Mods although I appreciate why there are.
I have never accused anyone of hateful criminal activity. I try to be helpful on this forum - look at my history of posts - I have only ever been verbally abused here by one person. I have never maliciously misinterpreted anyone's post in order to manufacture hateful accusations. So I do not see where any equivalence exists.
I would go further, if I were ever guilty of baselessly accusing a member of this forum of criminal activity in order to score points in a discussion or to be cruel, and I refused to apologise, I would expect to be expelled and to never be able to post here again. If I were guilty of such wrongdoing I would voluntarily exclude myself in utter shame.
That goes both ways.
It is fact that being a member of a disadvantaged minority, having suffered traumatic experiences, been the victim of phobias etc. does not entitle anyone to be calculatingly unkind to others, or, even worse, abuse them by baselessly accusing them of hateful criminal activity. Even if in their own mind they feel that they are entirely in the right, when they abuse and hurt others and this has been pointed out to them unequivocally, they ought to own up and apologise. If they cannot find it in themselves to do so, perhaps they should be suspended from posting.
If you want my personal opinion regarding moderation. Moderators cannot simply continue to try and deal with issues by locking threads and making vague statements about rule five. If moderators are not willing to make public statements about particular instances of posting on the forum that were in breach of rule five, or for that matter rule seven, people will continue to argue over who is responsible for the behaviour that’s getting these threads locked.
more to the point the repeated locking of threads is so tiresome to those of us who want to have a constructive debate about contentious issues that it discourages us from reporting rule breaches in the first place. I would encourage moderators to consider brief suspensions from the forum as an alternative, possibly accompanied by some sort of public declaration regarding particular posts that broke rules.
Why don't you medicat your depressed wife so she'd give you sexual consent
Wait a minute I remember that thread and no one said that. I don't think that's fair and representative of the nuance of the arguments that were going back and forth in that thread. If you're going to paraphrase or over simplify others comments please make it clear that's what you are doing. Being in quotation marks most people will have thought you were providing actual quotes.
Are your DMs open? Because I thought a site bug was stopping me from checking in on you in a DM earlier on.
Iain said:If we do start policing the boards in that sort of way it will wither and die anyway as those, like me, who try to offer potential answers, advice and techniques run the risk of offending someone who is triggered by their mention.
I don't think we know for certain what the result will be, but really it's not always better the devil you know, the current situation is untenable.
Iain said:The very principles of free speech are freedom to say something but not freedom from the consequences. You break the rules / law you get punished. Simple. People have the freedom not to hear are well if it is disagreeable, but they do not have the right to cancel the person saying something that is within the rules.
The very principles of free speech are freedom to say something but not freedom from the consequences. You break the rules / law you get punished. Simple.
People have the freedom not to hear are well if it is disagreeable, but they do not have the right to cancel the person saying something that is within the rules.
I don't think you will find anyone that disagrees with this, the problem is because some people draw the line farther back/forwards than others it causes misunderstanding of what is aacceptable.
Iain said:What I've been asking about is when it is not clear cut - should we give up making any comment on anything in case it may offend someone?
I can't be around all night as I have to get dinner and suchlike, but I think in answer to your question there is the old addage "discretion is the better part of valor" which is to say make sure to read it over before we send it make sure we reallth THINK (I'll add the pic of what I mean) about it, and if in doubt you can always leave it out, nobody is forcing us to hit send after all.
It sounds like advice you'd give to a kid but honestly it hasn't steered me wrong when I've used it.
π Bees π (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs said:because you aren't the traget of a specific type of hateful content you may not always see that it is hateful because it doesn't affect you or people like you (demographic dependant)
That I understand and there are rules that cover hate speech here for this reason.
What I've been asking about is when it is not clear cut - should we give up making any comment on anything in case it may offend someone?
If we do start policing the boards in that sort of way it will wither and die anyway as those, like me, who try to offer potential answers, advice and techniques run the risk of offending someone who is triggered by their mention.