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Feedback for managers and mods

Deleted user
over 1 year ago

Hello,

I'm an autistic woman 30 years old who has been in the forum for few months now. I don't want to complain about certain members. I want to complain about how the forum is managed. Is anyone here reading the comments written in this forum?!. Is anyone there watching the attitude of the members?!. It's a dangerous place here, maybe similarly to the world we live in but unfortunately with a description that makes us feel like we will be safe and accepted while we really don't.
I have, on top of my autism, suffered dealing with sexism, racism and the homophobia of the world all my life. The forum isn't an exception. Unfortunately, the loud voices are the ugly ones. People who managed to push everyone away from their private lives are doing the same pushing people away from the forum. Did anyone of you read comments like "feminists want to dictate the world?". "What's the worth of your life at this point?". "I can find your real name and all about you now". "Why don't you medicat your depressed wife so she'd give you sexual consent". "Back in my days people were only men and women and nothing else, I don't understand this modern gender concepts". "A person cannot suddenly decide to become asexual, that's abuse to their partner". "Gender roles were good in the past and still are". "Why do we host more people in our country while we have our problems to deal with"... Countless amount of such speech is present in your forum written by different people in different discussions. Do you even read this??. I understand that you can't pick who has access to the forum and who doesn't, but if you heard a random person talking like this would you feel safe?. I don't. I don't feel safe in this forum and I blame you for it. I have found a community that helped me a lot when it comes to my autism management but damaged me a lot when it comes to many other struggles in my life. I'm leaving and I don't really care about what you do next, but if you care about feedback at all, this is mine.
I'm sorry for bringing this up again. I simply can't accept it.
Parents
  • over 1 year ago

    My take on this is "would you say it in the pub to someone you didn't know?". If the answer is no or not sure, then don't post it.

    If you said it in a pub you'd at best be ostracised, possibly be thumped or kicked out.  Online really isn't that different, there is no carte blanche. We're adults and need to be responsible for our actions, we shouldn't even need Mods although I appreciate why there are.

  • over 1 year ago in reply to Joe

    As a forum primarily to support people, I don't think our target should be "would that be okay in a pub?"

    The kinds of things that are upsetting members and making them not want to be here would go over just fine in lots of pubs, but I imagine the majority of people here wouldn't choose to spend their time in a place like that. It's not like casual sexism, racism, homophobia and generally being atrociously insensitive are extinct in our general society. 

  • over 1 year ago in reply to T

    I think the 'pub' setting is not the crux of the argument here. The crux is, if you would not be willing to say something to someone to their face, do not say it here, and hide behind anonymity. I think we are all aware of how the anonymity of the internet allows people who have the tendency to say extreme and hurtful things that they would not voice in real life.

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  • over 1 year ago in reply to T

    I think the 'pub' setting is not the crux of the argument here. The crux is, if you would not be willing to say something to someone to their face, do not say it here, and hide behind anonymity. I think we are all aware of how the anonymity of the internet allows people who have the tendency to say extreme and hurtful things that they would not voice in real life.

Children
  • over 1 year ago in reply to Martin

    Agree with what both you and TriS say. It's about treating people with respect at the end of the day even if you don't agree with them.  Shouldn't matter if it's online or face to face. 

  • over 1 year ago in reply to Martin

    I think either we disagree on which things should be unacceptable here or on whether those people would say the same things to their face. About half of the things mentioned in the OP are the kinds of things I've heard voiced in real life on multiple occasions, among countless other sexist, racist and homophobic things. We should have no room for things like that in our community, but here we are.