Skip to main content
Close Button
Donate
  • Replies 33 replies
  • Subscribers 105 subscribers
  • Views 2535 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Feedback for managers and mods

Deleted user
over 1 year ago

Hello,

I'm an autistic woman 30 years old who has been in the forum for few months now. I don't want to complain about certain members. I want to complain about how the forum is managed. Is anyone here reading the comments written in this forum?!. Is anyone there watching the attitude of the members?!. It's a dangerous place here, maybe similarly to the world we live in but unfortunately with a description that makes us feel like we will be safe and accepted while we really don't.
I have, on top of my autism, suffered dealing with sexism, racism and the homophobia of the world all my life. The forum isn't an exception. Unfortunately, the loud voices are the ugly ones. People who managed to push everyone away from their private lives are doing the same pushing people away from the forum. Did anyone of you read comments like "feminists want to dictate the world?". "What's the worth of your life at this point?". "I can find your real name and all about you now". "Why don't you medicat your depressed wife so she'd give you sexual consent". "Back in my days people were only men and women and nothing else, I don't understand this modern gender concepts". "A person cannot suddenly decide to become asexual, that's abuse to their partner". "Gender roles were good in the past and still are". "Why do we host more people in our country while we have our problems to deal with"... Countless amount of such speech is present in your forum written by different people in different discussions. Do you even read this??. I understand that you can't pick who has access to the forum and who doesn't, but if you heard a random person talking like this would you feel safe?. I don't. I don't feel safe in this forum and I blame you for it. I have found a community that helped me a lot when it comes to my autism management but damaged me a lot when it comes to many other struggles in my life. I'm leaving and I don't really care about what you do next, but if you care about feedback at all, this is mine.
I'm sorry for bringing this up again. I simply can't accept it.
Parents
  • over 1 year ago
    I don't feel safe in this forum and I blame you for it.

    I understand where you are coming from, but I feel it unfair to blame the mods as it isn't their job to protect you from anything you find offensive.

    If we had one person who found discussion about cuddly toys offensive and another group loved talking about the toys, should we block the group who talk about the toys?

    An extreme example but it illustrates the point.

    Yes we should keep a lid on legally defined hate speech or anything that explicitly breaches the Ts & Cs of the site, but this is a fine line sometimes as the hate speech is often only implied.

    I think we should take some personal responsibility and avoid discussions that begin to trigger us or we find offensive.

  • over 1 year ago in reply to Iain

    Sorry Iain but these are not comparable things. And it would be victim blaming to suggest people should try not to be offended more so than people should just try not to be offensive.

  • over 1 year ago in reply to 🐝 Bees 🐝 (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs
    🐝 Bees 🐝 (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs said:
    Sorry Iain but these are not comparable things. And it would be victim blaming to suggest people should try not to be offended more so than people should just try not to be offensive.

    Hello Bees, I didn't see the OP say she was the victim at any point.

    I understood that she read the discussions and was offended or triggered by them and highlighted a few cases where the rules had been broken and more where it was borderline.

    I suggested that rule breaks should be dealt with by the mods, but otherwise if the posts are not breaking the rules then we have no reasonable expectation for them to be removed.

    If the reader is still offended then the only reasonable response is to stop reading the post - simple personal responsibility to themselves.

    As an autist I may be missing some unwritten rule and ask that you explain it to be because it seems clear cut to me.

  • over 1 year ago in reply to Iain
    Iain said:
    If we do start policing the boards in that sort of way it will wither and die anyway as those, like me, who try to offer potential answers, advice and techniques run the risk of offending someone who is triggered by their mention.


    I don't think we know for certain what the result will be, but really it's not always better the devil you know, the current situation is untenable.

    Iain said:

    The very principles of free speech are freedom to say something but not freedom from the consequences. You break the rules / law you get punished. Simple.

    People have the freedom not to hear are well if it is disagreeable, but they do not have the right to cancel the person saying something that is within the rules.

    I don't think you will find anyone that disagrees with this, the problem is because some people draw the line farther back/forwards than others it causes misunderstanding of what is aacceptable.

    Iain said:
    What I've been asking about is when it is not clear cut - should we give up making any comment on anything in case it may offend someone?

    I can't be around all night as I have to get dinner and suchlike, but I think in answer to your question there is the old addage "discretion is the better part of valor" which is to say make sure to read it over before we send it make sure we reallth THINK (I'll add the pic of what I mean) about it, and if in doubt you can always leave it out, nobody is forcing us to hit send after all.

    It sounds like advice you'd give to a kid but honestly it hasn't steered me wrong when I've used it.

Reply
  • over 1 year ago in reply to Iain
    Iain said:
    If we do start policing the boards in that sort of way it will wither and die anyway as those, like me, who try to offer potential answers, advice and techniques run the risk of offending someone who is triggered by their mention.


    I don't think we know for certain what the result will be, but really it's not always better the devil you know, the current situation is untenable.

    Iain said:

    The very principles of free speech are freedom to say something but not freedom from the consequences. You break the rules / law you get punished. Simple.

    People have the freedom not to hear are well if it is disagreeable, but they do not have the right to cancel the person saying something that is within the rules.

    I don't think you will find anyone that disagrees with this, the problem is because some people draw the line farther back/forwards than others it causes misunderstanding of what is aacceptable.

    Iain said:
    What I've been asking about is when it is not clear cut - should we give up making any comment on anything in case it may offend someone?

    I can't be around all night as I have to get dinner and suchlike, but I think in answer to your question there is the old addage "discretion is the better part of valor" which is to say make sure to read it over before we send it make sure we reallth THINK (I'll add the pic of what I mean) about it, and if in doubt you can always leave it out, nobody is forcing us to hit send after all.

    It sounds like advice you'd give to a kid but honestly it hasn't steered me wrong when I've used it.

Children
No Data