Published on 12, July, 2020
Been on the waiting list for diagnosis for a while now and still processing a lot of my life.
I approached my mother and told her how I had always felt different and told her that I had finally worked out why I’m different. The autistic bomb wasn’t well received, I was told,”autistic people don’t talk and stare at the wall all day.” Since then I approached my GP and got referred, I asked my mother for old school reports, they couldn’t be found, my English Books were supplied to show how I’m totally normal. I started to read the first one today, my childhood was unusual, I am the eldest of 3 and my mother was often ‘sectioned,” I often had to deal with everyday life. The picture shows my wardrobe, my safe place, the picture on the wall is, “Home Sweet Home.” My father did his best but I think he was autistic, he just worked and couldn’t deal with home life, my pillow shows Pound signs across it and me being beaten for being different or unruly . My bedroom door didn’t have a door handle, it just had a bolt across it. The extracts are from my first year in Secondary School, the teacher asked for a poem that described me. The poem is by Lewis Carroll. Another page in my English book is me writing my Last Will and Testament, my teacher gave me a red tick, I’m still processing that.
I have an autistic friend who is wondering about diagnosis but was abused in childhood. They were telling me they worried autism would be cancelled out by their 'unusual' childhood. I happened to be seeing my autism specialist that week so asked my specialist if their fears were true. The specialist said it's definitely possible to diagnose autism where there's been abuse or unusual childhood however it's harder so they would need to involve more professionals other than the adult autism team to be sure they make the correct diagnosis. Parental input is also not mandatory, they can get evidence from friends who know you or people who knew you when you were younger.
So I take it from that you have nothing to lose by going for diagnosis. If diagnosis will help you definitely pursue it!
As a side note - did you ever have speech therapy or any input from medial professionals as a child? I managed to get my medical records through the speech therapy department I had as a child. My school books couldn't be found either and they didn't need them for assessment.
they are your property. you can get them. if they refuse .. that is why we have police.
My English books from my first year at secondary school were never returned to me! I am pretty sure the school psychologist kept them back as he wanted tbem for a case study. I wasn't given any choice in that.
Well if I’m going for gold tonight, my arms have quite a few burn marks on them, not proud of them, they are just part of me, the weird thing is, I don’t really feel pain.
indeed. good movie!
It’s a favourite line in ‘ Good Will Hunting’ It wasn’t your fault. Always makes me blub.
I get it. I was 56 when I got mine.
I was shocked when I realised I could be autistic, but kinda knew what the outcome would be by the time I got to my assessment.
Until a clinical psychologist validates that you do worry about the "fraud" thing. A bit of imposter syndrome is sort of normal.
Try and relax into the process and just be you. A good assessor will see what's truely there.
Dawn said: I'm hurting for you reading your English extracts there.
Same here. It just highlights the complete lack of knowledge and understanding there was back then about autism.
Roy ... you were a kid ... Maybe it is cliche .. but NONE of it was your fault.
Thank you, I’ve been processing autism since 2021, I still feel like a fraud but know I’m autistic, if that makes sense?
Im 55 and still walk on tiptoe without shoes,
Well, diagnosis is certainly possible without parental input. I wouldn't worry too much about that.
But oh wow! I'm hurting for you reading your English extracts there. And definately, your assessors need to see them.
Some of it must have been my fault, I always felt like a cuckoo in the nest. I lived with an Aunt at times, I was not allowed out on my own,” there are too many ruffians down on the playing field”.
i think not allowed to go out is a key one and a youtube phycologist did a video on that before.when you refuse your kid to go out and play with others they dont develope socially and they become autistic by upbringing that way. they never get on in society and you cant ever fix that, its permanent.i think alot may have had a upbringing like that, i know i did, my parents never let me out and said there was too many pedos around lol