Having 20 people over today - help!!!

You both sound like a lovely couple who support each other. 

I was so glad that you came on here to tell us how it went. 

Enjoy the rest of the weekend. 

Thanks for all the support. I got through it for another year. 

I don't feel I can stop my partner from having his friends and family over as it's not very frequently and he's generally very supportive of me. 

I also have schizophrenia and he's stuck with me through hospital admissions and psychotic episodes. He's generally very tolerant and I suspect that he's autistic himself. 

The problem being that his family and friends that he met before we got together aren't in my circle of trust so to speak. 

Anyway. I'm chilling out with a bottle of Chablis now and hoping that we don't have any house guests for a long time. 

okay, first deep breath, when it gets stressful focus on your breathing. 

right so you are  hosting it, that is good, that means in a way you are in charge, so that means that you have tasks to do, tasks help as it means you can distance yourself from too much of the chit chat going on, as you can have an excuse of being busy. When it looks like everyone has enough food/drink etc, you can go take a quick break. Even just go do some breathing in the loo or an empty room for each break you get. 

Try and distance yourself emotionally from it all, and create a bubble around you. 

Don't think of it as 20 people, just try to focus on one person at a time, to make sure that they have enough food/drink. You can just flutter away to attend to someone else if the person you are talking to gets draining. Try to take charge, just say that you have to go and see people have drinks . give his mum a compliment on her hair/clothes, offer her food /drink then flutter off to another person. Then look busy busy, and go take another break. 

If it helps you to distance more from the emotion etc, try and pretend that your working as the host, that its a job. Just a suggestion there, take or leave anything I have said here. It is just that you need some method in which to stay calm.

Try to also for the future to go to a therapist that deals with autism, as gram of cocaine, is well not going to do your health any good. In the long run could have a lasting affect and make you worse in the long run. It would be good that you work out some other methods in which to deal with a day like that, and also to recover from it afterwards. You owe it to yourself to take care of yourself. 

Again at night, you will be busy sorting out the sleeping arrangements, just go and double check everything is fine , this gives you another escape excuse from people. 

I really hope in a way that you enjoy the day, you deserve to enjoy it, and you do have the best role in this day as hosting does give you the stability of keeping control and not having to completely be in with the chit chat. (you can keep it light) 

focus your mind on tomorrow or the next day when it is over, plan a bit in your mind for the calmer days without them in your home/garden. So do think about the next day or maybe a day you know next week that is going to be a normal day or a quiet day and just think of that if you think that will help.

I really hope that the weather stays beautiful for it.  you must have a lot of love for your partner, so also do a lot of focus on him today, look at him, give him a wee smile. Catch his eye to steady you. have a wee chat quickly with him and tell him that you do need a bit of emotional support. If he does not understand this, then that is something you could bring up with a therapist if you decide to go to one, could they give you some tips/advice to help with that. 

Take as many breaks as you can.

Hello BMF

I'm sorry. I don't understand.

Why are you doing this to yourself To please your partner . Shouldn't you both do something together , just you and your partner? where it's quiet and comfortable.

If your partner had made an effort to understand your condition or even consider your needs , why would he torture you in this way ?

You don't have to suck anything up, I simply wouldn't have turned up. It's not just the trauma of the moment it's the continued suffering this will cause later and further to this point because he knows you'll tolerate this there will be more inflictions upon you later and you'll be made to feel bad for not harming yourself emotionally

And Cocaine !! this is appalling . I feel very sad to read this . This is so dangerous . Not one of those people care the slightest about you , not one .

I really hope things are not as bad and you some how survive this horror but there is so much going on here and so much emotional harm .

This is very sad indeed. I'm glad I'm single and no one wants me. I'm free. 

'Marriage is like a Lobotomy. It turns already insane people into idiots' - I said this , It's MINE and belongs to ME

Blimey, I feel for you and I know the feeling.  I could do this and potentially enjoy it at a venue other than my home, but with 9 of them staying the night and no escape from the crowds because it's your turf - Ouch.  No, I wouldn't fancy that one either.  

I am dismayed, however, that your other half doesn't seem to be hearing your distress or appear to have learned from experience of previous events.

Not judging, but you'll know in yourself that booze and coke are not the answer, your other half actually getting it is.

I'm sure you wouldn't begrudge him his birthday bash, but there have to be other ways of compromising and doing this, like another venue where you can turn up for a bit and then go and leave him to his friends and family before it all gets too much for you and hiring someone else to do the food.

This is why marriage scares me

Ditto. 

Social events are my idea of hell. 

No. I don't do social events, either.

When my Gran was waked, I had to be there with those paying respect. So many times I had to retreat then. 

Thsnks for the sympathy. I'm so glad that other people can relate. 

I'll probably say I need to go to bed for a bit after I've done the food. Good idea. Then I just won't come back downstairs. I'm sure nobody would notice much as I'm quiet anyway. 

I'll try to stay away from the coke. I haven't done any for years and years so have kind of forgotten how it affects me. I know it gives me more get up and go and more talkative. That might backfire on me though. 

I'll zone out with some alcohol. Not the best coping strategy, but needs must as the devil drives. 

I feel so sorry for you, just reading this is making me feel anxious, it’s not a recommendation but I normally use alcohol to zone out in situations like this. I tend to make excuses and disappear to a quiet place for a few minutes every now and then. It will come to an end eventually, after everyone has eaten just say you aren’t feeling well and need an hours sleep, most will be busy with your husband. Stay away from the coke, you will just feel worse when you shutdown afterwards. Most autistic brains are already running at Mach 2, coke will just accelerate that.

Thanks for the advice. I'm also ill at the moment eith aches, a temperature and sore chest. 

I know that people are here to see my partner and not me, but I feel under enormous pressure to be a good hostess. 

Every year have relatives come down and stay in a nearby bed and breakfast. A habit of coming on a family member birthday.

Usually prefer to start around 10am. Also expected to go out every day. I'm usually exhausted. 

Once I had two weeks off and was too much for me. Relatives staying and I was off to Cornwall. Returned to the (former) workplace and ended up getting sent home.

Try to explain how your feeling. Also when things get too much ask for help and take breaks.

Hope this helps you.