Published on 12, July, 2020
I'll start by saying please excuse the typos as I'm writing this on my phone.
I got a diagnosis a little while back of ASD at the age of 46 anf I don't cope well with groups of people.
It's my partner's 50th birthday bbq today and we've got 20 people coming. 9 people staying the night and I'm freaking out. I could just about manage 20 people for a couple of hours with the aid of alcohol and a massive shutdown afterwards. I told my oartner thst I was stressed and he really doesn't understand why.
His mum and sister and nephews are arriving at midday. After 20 mins of talking to his mum I want to poke my own eyes out and start scresming. All of these blooming NTs invading my home.
Still, I've got to suck it up as it's what my partner wants to fo for his 50th and he's all excited.
I'm ashamed to say that I actually bought a gram of cocaine in order to stay on it for hours on end today as I'm the hostess and doing the food and bbq.
Out of the 20 people coming there are only 6 people who I feel comfortable with and like.
My partner has a bbq like this every year and I always freak out and dpend the next dsy getting drunk and a week decompressing and recovering.
It's not good is it?
okay, first deep breath, when it gets stressful focus on your breathing.
right so you are hosting it, that is good, that means in a way you are in charge, so that means that you have tasks to do, tasks help as it means you can distance yourself from too much of the chit chat going on, as you can have an excuse of being busy. When it looks like everyone has enough food/drink etc, you can go take a quick break. Even just go do some breathing in the loo or an empty room for each break you get.
Try and distance yourself emotionally from it all, and create a bubble around you.
Don't think of it as 20 people, just try to focus on one person at a time, to make sure that they have enough food/drink. You can just flutter away to attend to someone else if the person you are talking to gets draining. Try to take charge, just say that you have to go and see people have drinks . give his mum a compliment on her hair/clothes, offer her food /drink then flutter off to another person. Then look busy busy, and go take another break.
If it helps you to distance more from the emotion etc, try and pretend that your working as the host, that its a job. Just a suggestion there, take or leave anything I have said here. It is just that you need some method in which to stay calm.
Try to also for the future to go to a therapist that deals with autism, as gram of cocaine, is well not going to do your health any good. In the long run could have a lasting affect and make you worse in the long run. It would be good that you work out some other methods in which to deal with a day like that, and also to recover from it afterwards. You owe it to yourself to take care of yourself.
Again at night, you will be busy sorting out the sleeping arrangements, just go and double check everything is fine , this gives you another escape excuse from people.
I really hope in a way that you enjoy the day, you deserve to enjoy it, and you do have the best role in this day as hosting does give you the stability of keeping control and not having to completely be in with the chit chat. (you can keep it light)
focus your mind on tomorrow or the next day when it is over, plan a bit in your mind for the calmer days without them in your home/garden. So do think about the next day or maybe a day you know next week that is going to be a normal day or a quiet day and just think of that if you think that will help.
I really hope that the weather stays beautiful for it. you must have a lot of love for your partner, so also do a lot of focus on him today, look at him, give him a wee smile. Catch his eye to steady you. have a wee chat quickly with him and tell him that you do need a bit of emotional support. If he does not understand this, then that is something you could bring up with a therapist if you decide to go to one, could they give you some tips/advice to help with that.
Take as many breaks as you can.