Published on 12, July, 2020
I'll start by saying please excuse the typos as I'm writing this on my phone.
I got a diagnosis a little while back of ASD at the age of 46 anf I don't cope well with groups of people.
It's my partner's 50th birthday bbq today and we've got 20 people coming. 9 people staying the night and I'm freaking out. I could just about manage 20 people for a couple of hours with the aid of alcohol and a massive shutdown afterwards. I told my oartner thst I was stressed and he really doesn't understand why.
His mum and sister and nephews are arriving at midday. After 20 mins of talking to his mum I want to poke my own eyes out and start scresming. All of these blooming NTs invading my home.
Still, I've got to suck it up as it's what my partner wants to fo for his 50th and he's all excited.
I'm ashamed to say that I actually bought a gram of cocaine in order to stay on it for hours on end today as I'm the hostess and doing the food and bbq.
Out of the 20 people coming there are only 6 people who I feel comfortable with and like.
My partner has a bbq like this every year and I always freak out and dpend the next dsy getting drunk and a week decompressing and recovering.
It's not good is it?
Thsnks for the sympathy. I'm so glad that other people can relate.
I'll probably say I need to go to bed for a bit after I've done the food. Good idea. Then I just won't come back downstairs. I'm sure nobody would notice much as I'm quiet anyway.
I'll try to stay away from the coke. I haven't done any for years and years so have kind of forgotten how it affects me. I know it gives me more get up and go and more talkative. That might backfire on me though.
I'll zone out with some alcohol. Not the best coping strategy, but needs must as the devil drives.