Neurodivergent Love Languages

Penguin Pebbling. "Saw this and thought of you" is a common thing for me.

Tell me where the cameras are!  I know they're in here because that article describes me intimately.   Oh my god, I am so autistic.

But seriously, thanks for sharing.  I know it will be helpful in my relationships.

Edit: OMG, OMG, OMG!!!  All the things are starting to make sense now!  At my autism assessment, they asked me how I keep my house, if it's in order, and if it's clean.  I said that it depends.  If I live with someone, my house is immaculate.  If I live alone, everything falls apart.  I specifically said, "I can't live for myself.  I live for others."  I was describing body-doubling!!  I am sooooo sooo autistic and ADHD. 

My husband is acts of service, but he does not find my infodumping on him to be enjoyable at all! He has tried infodumping on me since I told him though, which is sweet.

Thanks! My initial reaction is relief that she agreed that I am indeed autistic and ADHD but not actually PDA profile. I've had a while to process as I self identified in 2020 as autistic and last year as probably ADHD as well, but I know formal confirmation can cause other feelings too. It hasn't so far, it's mostly been relieved and happy. With a side of wishing it could have been noticed before my PhD burnout as then I might have not had to give up on the PhD or at least might have found out how to recover better from said burnout or at the very least not being quite so baffled as to what was happening! I still feel like I have not quite recovered from it over a decade later.

Yes it was tiring, but mostly enjoyable. I was glad it was able to be done over video chat so I could be in bed! That meant I could last longer before fading. I very much enjoyed my outing in nature, it was very restorative, and I needed to move after so long. Thanks for the video, I'll have a listen later.

Thanks. I am glad you enjoyed this post what do you like to info dump about? I really like deep pressure too, it is very grounding. Yes it is interesting how these languages overlap as they are all human qualities.

I think I like to give info-dumping and (from particular people) to receive deep pressure. Interesting how this can overlap with Acts of Service and Physical Touch in the five more 'generic' love languages. Lovely post, thank you. 

Congratulations on your formal identification! I really like your username! What are your initial thoughts about your autistic identity? Take time to process it, we are here for you.

This video might be helpful:

’Common reactions to autistic discovery’

https://www.youtube.com/live/oo34mppLMqE?feature=share

AuTriker said:

nearly five hours

That’s ages! Must have been tiring! 

That’s very kind of your partner. Did you enjoy your outing in nature?

Thanks Glitter!

Yes, it's often the little things that can make a big difference.

Congratulations on the diagnosis!  

I love your little story. I think it's lovely how people take care of each other like that.

I think some of them are things I do, and others are things I recognise others do as signs of love. For example, my wife is very good at making phone calls and driving me places, but I'm not!  But definite sharing things, information, and time are the main ones.  And just being there for someone, even when I don't know what to say.

I liked that article too. I want to add one my husband did today (he is not autistic but is ND as he has schizo-affective):

18. I set aside my need for routine because you needed me.

He wanted to do the washing up, but went with me on a gentle cycle ride round the lake before the light went, because I had been in my pre-assessment for nearly five hours and needed to go outside in nature and move. (Result of pre-assessment, I am indeed autistic and ADHD! Hence the celebratory slight name change.)

Cool! Which one is your favourite?

I relate to all of these! XD

Exactly! Sometimes memes and gifs convey our feelings much more easily than words.

Glitter said:

All of these!!  And so excellently explained here that I'm sharing this with my partner.

So cool! Thanks for the compliment!

Glitter said:

I'd had a rotten morning and was feeling very low when I got to work. A six year old in the class where I work came up to me, and at first I thought I'm not sure if I have the spoons to deal with her- she's the one who can't sit still at all and struggles to listen.  She's got undiagnosed ND written all through her like a stick of rock.  But instead of coming to me with a problem, she held up a tiny piece of something shiny (that had probably fallen off someone's bag) and said "this is for you!" 

I instantly knew that this was her way of saying I love you for all the times I've shown patoence and understandong and it reminded me of why I do what I do.

Lovely story! I bet the student appreciate keeping and displaying the object as a reminder of an act of kindness. I think children penguin pebble a lot, for example by giving adults drawings or creations they have made.

 I have read the Neuroclastic article you posted about neurodivergent ways to say I love you, I particularly relate to the first 5. What about you?

Thanks for responding, it’s really interesting to read about the different autistic ways of showing love/care.

You are welcome. Which language do you relate to most?

Penguin pebbling

Sometimes I can express myself more with a handy gif or memes rather than putting it to words which I can sometimes struggle with.

All of these!!  And so excellently explained here that I'm sharing this with my partner.

Also a wonderful, true story of pebble sharing:

I'd had a rotten morning and was feeling very low when I got to work. A six year old in the class where I work came up to me, and at first I thought I'm not sure if I have the spoons to deal with her- she's the one who can't sit still at all and struggles to listen.  She's got undiagnosed ND written all through her like a stick of rock.  But instead of coming to me with a problem, she held up a tiny piece of something shiny (that had probably fallen off someone's bag) and said "this is for you!" 

I instantly knew that this was her way of saying I love you for all the times I've shown patoence and understandong and it reminded me of why I do what I do.

Also I came across this list years ago, on a similar theme, but yours explains it much better. neuroclastic.com/.../ 

Edit: I thanked her with a genuine smile, showed it to my colleague with great pride, and put it on tip of my drawers where I saw it shining for a couple weeks and every time it made me feel happy and appreciated. 

This an entirely new thing to read thanks for posting

Char said:

Ahhhhh! This explains everythingggggggg! 

A moment of realisation, I am glad you can relate to these love languages, they are a huge part of our autistic culture.

Char said:

Info dumping - on every and anything I learn! People often think I'm super chatty because of this (then get confused when I don't talk for ages or go silent).. but I have an intense need to share the information that I think is super important

I love info dumping too! What is your favourite topic to info dump about? I can be super chatty and animated when talking about my passions too, when I am not talking about my passions sometimes people perceive me as quite quiet. Your enthusiasm for your interests is great, of course you would want to share information, it’s only natural. It makes you happy and you can spread passion and knowledge. If only NTs could share the same level of urgency for our passions as we do.

Char said:

Penguin Pebbling -  sharing memes specifically and if I see something related to what a friend or family member said they like.. I'll buy it as a gift. (I prefer gifting people this way than for Christmas and birthdays as it feels so forced

I agree Christmas and birthday gift giving is forced and part of a social convention, whereas penguin pebbling is unprompted and spontaneous with no expectations around reciprocity. Do you have a favourite meme?

Char said:

Parallel play/Body Doubling - sharing space together whilst doing different activities - as I'm writing this.. my partner is gaming and I'm just on my laptop.. we don't have to talk.. just the company is nice

Exactly! I like peace and quiet but I also like company.

Thanks for responding, it’s great to understand what these autistic love languages mean for you!