Neurodivergent Love Languages

Glitter said:

All of these!!  And so excellently explained here that I'm sharing this with my partner.

So cool! Thanks for the compliment!

Glitter said:

I'd had a rotten morning and was feeling very low when I got to work. A six year old in the class where I work came up to me, and at first I thought I'm not sure if I have the spoons to deal with her- she's the one who can't sit still at all and struggles to listen.  She's got undiagnosed ND written all through her like a stick of rock.  But instead of coming to me with a problem, she held up a tiny piece of something shiny (that had probably fallen off someone's bag) and said "this is for you!" 

I instantly knew that this was her way of saying I love you for all the times I've shown patoence and understandong and it reminded me of why I do what I do.

Lovely story! I bet the student appreciate keeping and displaying the object as a reminder of an act of kindness. I think children penguin pebble a lot, for example by giving adults drawings or creations they have made.

 I have read the Neuroclastic article you posted about neurodivergent ways to say I love you, I particularly relate to the first 5. What about you?

Thanks for responding, it’s really interesting to read about the different autistic ways of showing love/care.

You are welcome. Which language do you relate to most?

Penguin pebbling

Sometimes I can express myself more with a handy gif or memes rather than putting it to words which I can sometimes struggle with.

All of these!!  And so excellently explained here that I'm sharing this with my partner.

Also a wonderful, true story of pebble sharing:

I'd had a rotten morning and was feeling very low when I got to work. A six year old in the class where I work came up to me, and at first I thought I'm not sure if I have the spoons to deal with her- she's the one who can't sit still at all and struggles to listen.  She's got undiagnosed ND written all through her like a stick of rock.  But instead of coming to me with a problem, she held up a tiny piece of something shiny (that had probably fallen off someone's bag) and said "this is for you!" 

I instantly knew that this was her way of saying I love you for all the times I've shown patoence and understandong and it reminded me of why I do what I do.

Also I came across this list years ago, on a similar theme, but yours explains it much better. neuroclastic.com/.../ 

Edit: I thanked her with a genuine smile, showed it to my colleague with great pride, and put it on tip of my drawers where I saw it shining for a couple weeks and every time it made me feel happy and appreciated. 

This an entirely new thing to read thanks for posting

Char said:

Ahhhhh! This explains everythingggggggg! 

A moment of realisation, I am glad you can relate to these love languages, they are a huge part of our autistic culture.

Char said:

Info dumping - on every and anything I learn! People often think I'm super chatty because of this (then get confused when I don't talk for ages or go silent).. but I have an intense need to share the information that I think is super important

I love info dumping too! What is your favourite topic to info dump about? I can be super chatty and animated when talking about my passions too, when I am not talking about my passions sometimes people perceive me as quite quiet. Your enthusiasm for your interests is great, of course you would want to share information, it’s only natural. It makes you happy and you can spread passion and knowledge. If only NTs could share the same level of urgency for our passions as we do.

Char said:

Penguin Pebbling -  sharing memes specifically and if I see something related to what a friend or family member said they like.. I'll buy it as a gift. (I prefer gifting people this way than for Christmas and birthdays as it feels so forced

I agree Christmas and birthday gift giving is forced and part of a social convention, whereas penguin pebbling is unprompted and spontaneous with no expectations around reciprocity. Do you have a favourite meme?

Char said:

Parallel play/Body Doubling - sharing space together whilst doing different activities - as I'm writing this.. my partner is gaming and I'm just on my laptop.. we don't have to talk.. just the company is nice

Exactly! I like peace and quiet but I also like company.

Thanks for responding, it’s great to understand what these autistic love languages mean for you!

Char said:

Ahhhhh! This explains everythingggggggg! 

You seem very excited, these love languages are a huge part of autistic culture.

Char said:

• Info dumping - on every and anything I learn! People often think I'm super chatty because of this (then get confused when I don't talk for ages or go silent).. but I have an intense need to share the information that I think is super important

What is your favourite topic to info dump about? I understand what you mean about people thinking you are super chatty, I only really become animated and super chatty when talking about my interests.

Of course the information is super important because it obviously makes you happy and you feel passionately about it. For some reason NT’s usually don’t share the same urgency.

Char said:

• sharing memes specifically and if I see something related to what a friend or family member said they like.. I'll buy it as a gift. (I prefer gifting people this way than for Christmas and birthdays as it feels so forced

Birthdays and Christmas definitely feel forced because they are social conventions, whereas penguin pebbling is unprompted, spontaneous with no expectations. It is a way of showing you are thinking of someone.

Char said:

. we don't have to talk.. just the company is

Exactly!

Char said:

Ahhhhh! This explains everythingggggggg! 

A moment of realisation, these love languages are a huge part of autistic culture!

Char said:

! People often think I'm super chatty because of this (then get confused when I don't talk for ages or go silent).. but I have an intense need to share the information that I think is super important

What is your favourite topic to info dump about? I understand what you mean about people thinking you are super chatty, I only really become very chatty and animated when talking about my interests too.

Of course the information is super important because it is related to one of your passions. NT’s don’t usually have the same urgency that we do when talking about passions.

Char said:

• Penguin Pebbling -  sharing memes specifically and if I see something related to what a friend or family member said they like.. I'll buy it as a gift. (I prefer gifting people this way than for Christmas and birthdays as it feels so forced

I agree that Christmas and birthday gift giving feels forced, it is a social convention whereas penguin pebbling is spontaneous with no expectation.

Char said:

we don't have to talk.. just the company is nice

Exactly!

Ahhhhh! This explains everythingggggggg! 

My main ones are:

• Info dumping - on every and anything I learn! People often think I'm super chatty because of this (then get confused when I don't talk for ages or go silent).. but I have an intense need to share the information that I think is super important
• Penguin Pebbling -  sharing memes specifically and if I see something related to what a friend or family member said they like.. I'll buy it as a gift. (I prefer gifting people this way than for Christmas and birthdays as it feels so forced
• Parallel play/Body Doubling - sharing space together whilst doing different activities - as I'm writing this.. my partner is gaming and I'm just on my laptop.. we don't have to talk.. just the company is nice

I love eating bratwurst, saurkraut and fried potatoes but my wife is better at cooking that than me!
My speciality is paella. I also make a nice Hungarian goulash and chicken, ham and leek pie 

That’s nice of you, I bet your partner really appreciates your efforts.

Making in general I say. I take particular pride and satisfaction in making my partner feel special. I go to town on her biggest birthdays, it's just how I show my dedication

Billy87 said:

Parellel play is one I particulary enjoy. Sometimes me and my wife can be sat next to each other doing completely different things and hardly even speaking but it is a time that I find so peaceful and enjoyable.

Thanks for sharing. I love parallel play too, for me it is about sharing space with someone else without having any expectations. I like the company. There is definitely something peaceful about parallel play, I agree.

You are very welcome. That’s nice of you! Cooking is a great way of showing how much you care for someone. It definitely seems like one of your autistic love languages.

What is your favourite meal to cook? I know you love everything related to Germany, is it German inspired perhaps?

Thank you for sharing these, it is such a blessing. 
I dont know if it is a common autistic love language but cooking for people is a big one for me. I tend to show my love for people by cooking lovely meals for them 

Parellel play is one I particulary enjoy. Sometimes me and my wife can be sat next to each other doing completely different things and hardly even speaking but it is a time that I find so peaceful and enjoyable. I will be sat making my beads and she will be sorting through her reciples

My son does parallel play a lot too