Deleted because I feel its unfair on the other people who's event it is. Pull my socks up and stop moping.
Deleted because I feel its unfair on the other people who's event it is. Pull my socks up and stop moping.
I get the same way before events, even if I know they’ll be okay in the end. What helped me recently was researching the place in advance. For example, I looked up penrith function venues just to see the layout and pictures so I’d feel less unsure. It gave me something solid to focus on and made it a bit easier to picture where I’d be and what to expect.
I see it's been a while since you’ve posted, but I just wanted to ask if you've found any tricks since then that help ease the pressure leading up to social events. I sometimes create a small post-event plan—something comforting to look forward to—which oddly helps me feel more in control. Curious if anyone else does something similar or found new ways to make things more bearable?
I think being honest is a good approach. I'm glad it opened up things between you and the customer. A lot of people have stuff going on regardless of their brain wiring and I think one of the ways to normalise neurodivergency and mental health is to talk about it. It also makes us see that there ARE people out there like us. I think there will be a movement for an umbrella of neurodivergency encompassing dyslexia, autism etc as many aspects cross over.
I watched the video. Really thank you for sharing I've never seen Kieran Rose before. It was really good and validating although i dont like using that word for some reason. . It sort of linked into realisations I've been having the past few days. Things are dawning on me big time and this video is confirming that. Although it is only the perspective of one person, i can see he knows his stuff. Taking what hes talked about...I think as long as there are the societal expectations of how men and women should behave or what he calls the golden standard of normal, then we are always going to end up masking to a certain extent.
Basically I was really very quiet which is more my natural self AND WAS OK WITH THAT.
Well done for not only getting through the event but also for being so accepting of your natural self. That isn't easy.
Today it was a success because I minimised brain frazzle.
Hopefully that will have a positive impact upon your health.
Trusting people is a big step, to be honest most don’t understand, we do have to give them the chance though, i give little bits of how much I’m affected by autism. I’ve had responses that are surprising, I’m restoring a classic VW beetle for a customer at the moment, I fell very behind with it, the owner kept ringing me, I don’t answer phones. He finally contacted me through text, that’s fine for me. I explained that I should have been honest from the start, I’m autistic and struggle with anxiety and communication, the customer is about 6ft 4 and huge, he came to see me and told me not to worry, he told me that he suffers from anxiety and takes medication, he then said that he was also dyslexic. We are never far from another neurodivergent person. We just need to trust our autistic ability. Men are really terrible with taking about mental health, it turns out more men are actually in the same boat than we ever realised.
See that is interesting, we are truly a spectrum because I have a very low tolerance, I only cope by constant maintenance and scheduled breaks.
I do think there are different tolerances. We have a higher toletance and then burnout. I think i have quite a good bull plop detector but it doesn't always make a noise.
It certainly sucks at least twice the mental energy out of us than Neurotypicals tbh. Not that a lower tolerance for bullplop (in this case pretending things are fine when they really aren't) is necessarily always a bad thing. :)
We live and we learn!
I'm pleased you navigated it OK in the end.
It is isnt it! In the past I wouldve said it was a success cos I wouldve masked my *** off. Today it was a success because I minimised brain frazzle. Mmm frazzles....sorry all the crisp talk has taken over my brain.
Well done you, you controlled the situation, you spent time being quiet, this is what we do to survive.
Well the event happened. Much like the Christmas one, I actually enjoyed it. Because I wasn't trying as hard. It was like i took a step back.
I sat on the end and was in an alcove. The music was too loud so I didn't try to listen to conversations all the time. I chipped in. I waited for people to speak to me. If conversations trailed off cos i didnt end it right i was less hypervigilent of this. If i hadnt said anything for ages i let it go. I enjoyed my food and concentrated on that. A bit of processing but mostly reassuring myself in my head with each bit "well that's ok". Basically I was really very quiet which is more my natural self AND WAS OK WITH THAT.
Oh I love that!
I used to mask that hard it was only a couple of years ago it occurred to me I COULD take time out in the loos!
I'd drink too, be the life and soul of the party then the day after back to my usual quiet self. That'd always make me feel awkward. On the other hand if I didn't drink or stayed quiet, colleagues would say "oh weren't you quiet last night".
Most people who matter know I’m autistic and will rescue me
I like that. That's why I want to tell the people I struggle with. Because they do matter and I know they would be as understanding as they could be (without actually understanding it....)
I still believe we have a degree of flexibility (plasticity) as we get older. But yes our habits become engrained early on. I wonder how much is to do with our automatic default mode network. I find I can't mask the same if ive taken certain....*plant medicines*
I did the same, I remember taking my son to an evening school disco, I drove him there and went in with him, it took him 10 seconds to say,” I can’t stay, can we go home, it’s too noisy and there’s too many people.” I was angry because I was there, I didn’t know I’m autistic and drove him home and took it out on him, verbally, but that’s even worse to be honest. How didn’t I see the signs, then again I didn’t see the signs in myself. Just another thing to beat myself up with. My son is now 26 and we read each other really well.
