I think being honest is a good approach. I'm glad it opened up things between you and the customer. A lot of people have stuff going on regardless of their brain wiring and I think one of the ways to normalise neurodivergency and mental health is to talk about it. It also makes us see that there ARE people out there like us. I think there will be a movement for an umbrella of neurodivergency encompassing dyslexia, autism etc as many aspects cross over.
I watched the video. Really thank you for sharing I've never seen Kieran Rose before. It was really good and validating although i dont like using that word for some reason. . It sort of linked into realisations I've been having the past few days. Things are dawning on me big time and this video is confirming that. Although it is only the perspective of one person, i can see he knows his stuff. Taking what hes talked about...I think as long as there are the societal expectations of how men and women should behave or what he calls the golden standard of normal, then we are always going to end up masking to a certain extent.
Trusting people is a big step, to be honest most don’t understand, we do have to give them the chance though, i give little bits of how much I’m affected by autism. I’ve had responses that are surprising, I’m restoring a classic VW beetle for a customer at the moment, I fell very behind with it, the owner kept ringing me, I don’t answer phones. He finally contacted me through text, that’s fine for me. I explained that I should have been honest from the start, I’m autistic and struggle with anxiety and communication, the customer is about 6ft 4 and huge, he came to see me and told me not to worry, he told me that he suffers from anxiety and takes medication, he then said that he was also dyslexic. We are never far from another neurodivergent person. We just need to trust our autistic ability. Men are really terrible with taking about mental health, it turns out more men are actually in the same boat than we ever realised.
I do think there are different tolerances. We have a higher toletance and then burnout. I think i have quite a good bull plop detector but it doesn't always make a noise.
It certainly sucks at least twice the mental energy out of us than Neurotypicals tbh. Not that a lower tolerance for bullplop (in this case pretending things are fine when they really aren't) is necessarily always a bad thing. :)
It is isnt it! In the past I wouldve said it was a success cos I wouldve masked my *** off. Today it was a success because I minimised brain frazzle. Mmm frazzles....sorry all the crisp talk has taken over my brain.
Well the event happened. Much like the Christmas one, I actually enjoyed it. Because I wasn't trying as hard. It was like i took a step back.
I sat on the end and was in an alcove. The music was too loud so I didn't try to listen to conversations all the time. I chipped in. I waited for people to speak to me. If conversations trailed off cos i didnt end it right i was less hypervigilent of this. If i hadnt said anything for ages i let it go. I enjoyed my food and concentrated on that. A bit of processing but mostly reassuring myself in my head with each bit "well that's ok". Basically I was really very quiet which is more my natural self AND WAS OK WITH THAT.
I'd drink too, be the life and soul of the party then the day after back to my usual quiet self. That'd always make me feel awkward. On the other hand if I didn't drink or stayed quiet, colleagues would say "oh weren't you quiet last night".
Most people who matter know I’m autistic and will rescue me
I like that. That's why I want to tell the people I struggle with. Because they do matter and I know they would be as understanding as they could be (without actually understanding it....)
I still believe we have a degree of flexibility (plasticity) as we get older. But yes our habits become engrained early on. I wonder how much is to do with our automatic default mode network. I find I can't mask the same if ive taken certain....*plant medicines*
I did the same, I remember taking my son to an evening school disco, I drove him there and went in with him, it took him 10 seconds to say,” I can’t stay, can we go home, it’s too noisy and there’s too many people.” I was angry because I was there, I didn’t know I’m autistic and drove him home and took it out on him, verbally, but that’s even worse to be honest. How didn’t I see the signs, then again I didn’t see the signs in myself. Just another thing to beat myself up with. My son is now 26 and we read each other really well.
In my previous job colleagues used to arrange to go out socially. When I was asked by my boss if I would be joining them I used to say "I'm busy that day, when is it? " That worked for me!
I find I use the toilet to hide! When I was in my early teens, my parents would force me to go to classmates' parties (on the grounds that, if I was asked, it would be rude to refuse) and I would hide in the toilets, not knowing why I hated it and was desperate to leave. Of course, now I know the reason.
If I had a pound for every social event that I didn’t want to attend, I would be rich. My mood change will start weeks before the event, it would peak the week before with either becoming non verbal or instigating an argument. This went on for years, I didn’t know I am autistic. My wife often had to attend things on her own. Option B was I would drink so much alcohol , I could l shut down the anxiety, most probably the wrong way to express it but, I could stop being so autistic for a few hours, I don’t recommend it, it doesn’t cure the miscommunication problems! Most people who matter know I’m autistic and will rescue me, my wife doesn’t pressure me anymore, she now really gets how much it affects me, it’s one less thing that I beat myself up for now. Limit the time at an event, I use excuses if I do attend, “ just need to get something from the car,” escape for 10 minutes and have quiet time.
