Published on 12, July, 2020
Thanks to Number in another thread (root beer) I've been thinking of the many things I've just 'not got' and done wrong.
Usually the clue that I'm not 'getting it' is the look of wonder on the faces of other people.
I'm suspecting now this may be autism related.
There are countless examples during my life but here a few.
McDonalds: I don't really understand McDonalds and I don't spend time in them without another person.
My mum used to like them so I'd take her there for lunch sometimes.
One of the 1st times she asked me to collect a menu for her and some cutlery.
I couldn't understand why these weren't on the table.
So, I went to the counter and asked for these things.
After this initial trauma, I then had the trauma of trying to understand what you are supposed to eat off of and with.
Doh.
McDonalds is a particular thing with me I think.
I was with my autistic friend on our way back from visiting his mother and we went to a McD.
He asked me to get him a 'root beer'.
So, I asked for such at the counter only to be asked what that is.
I said 'I don't know' so no root beer was presented to my friend.
Another prime example is going to a spa and swimming baths in a hotel.
I'm not a swimmer or a spa goer.
So, the 1st thing I did was put my make-up on before going there.
Then, I couldn't understand how the lockers worked and had to get assistance.
Then, I eventually found the toilets but couldn't find my way back to the swimming pool so I walked through reception soaking wet in my swimming costume.
I was also in a church once when a service began and loads of people sat around me.
I had gone in there because I was in a strange city and cold and was using the church as a refuge.
I thought I could just sit there whilst the service took place.
I hadn't anticipated communion and although I'm not a Catholic or a church goer, and although I didn't understand what I was doing, I felt obliged to follow everyone up and take communion.
There are so many examples I won't continue.
Is it just me or are there other people here who just don't 'get it?'.
Haha no worries, my bestie is the queen of TMI, so I'm used to it, there's not much you could over share that would make me uncomfortable.
No, my Dad and husband have that. Probably just a combo of eating plenty of veg and being hypersensitive. I feel the need to add it's not all the time, sometimes my farts aren't smelly and I don't mind the eggy ones. But that is probably oversharing...
IBS?
I don't have kids, but there are times when I cannot tolerate the stench of my own farts and have to leave the room!
Kids are like farts, somehow your own always seem less noisy and less smelly than everyone else's.
A parent has a "built in" tolerance to the sound of their own child, that is quite inexplicable until it happens to you. I felt exactly as you do until I had one of my own, then a load of built in stuff kicked in that I literally did not know I had in me.
Social classes. The hell does that even mean?!. Damn we are all people, some of us were luckier in certain areas of their lives but doesn't make them better than anyone else or give them permission to look down at others. Why don't people from different classes hang out more often?. I think they all have things to learn from each other.
In case you weren't reading the forum at this time, you may be interested in this thread:
https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/31297/class
Dating. What does that even mean?. I go out with some friend to get dinner, how is it different than a date other than the title of the event?.
Sex, most women seem very ecstatic about sex activities, like thrusting, which seems to me pure pain with 0 pleasure. I roll my eyes because even statistics show that most women don't find it satisfying, I don't understand why some of them fake it?!. Other thing about sex that I don't understand is, why don't people ask very clearly for consent?! "Do you want to hang out in my place?" Isn't enough.
Small talk. If you don't want to know how my day went then why do you ask?!
Dress codes. For different occasions different expectations. Who the hell cares?! Why don't we just wear what we are comfortable in ?!
Formalities. Formal fancy sophisticated phrases, titles or expressions instead of saying it in a simple natural way?! I don't understand people who take themselves very seriously.
Saying stuff just for the sake of filling the silence. I think that people talk too much. Lots of what's said has 0 content and is just to avoid the discomfort of silence. What's so bad about being silent for a while?
Gender, I've already wrote a thread about it so I won't repeat it. I think that we could comfortably leave the concept of gender in some museum. Nowadays it's not serving us as it did when it was created.
Why some people want to appear so happy having a rich interesting life?. Who cares ?!.. what's so unnatural in feeling down every now and then?!. What's not exciting about a low-key life?
I think that the list can go on and on and on... I'll just stop here
Companies are often employed by a Client to undertake a task... Clients like to see what they are getting for their money and labour is typically the biggest cost.
Likewise all the small businesses that rely on office workers that nip out for lunch, grab a snack on the way to work etc... Are thankful of commuters.
What if the commute generated enough taxes from keeping people employed, projects running etc... To be able to fund climate change in a larger way than suddenly just dropping an economy into collapse.
To all the Dads out there that typically miss families growing and evolving to be able to give them the best life in a different but compounded way to mums.
Heroes too.
Right with you!
Absolutely!
It's interesting because the two are closely linked I think, because social norms aren't just expected of us (and we get them "wrong") but of other people so when other people act on/express them it feels like we've landed on another planet and are seeing behaviours from a totally alien outside perspective.
One thing about this thread that I find interesting is that it quickly mutated into something I didn't mean in the 1st place.
So, I was saying that the things I don't 'get' I do wrong; am socially awkward; embarrass myself (and probably whoever is with me and possibly whoever is watching me ).
I just haven't ever really understood how a person is 'meant' to behave and I don't follow patterns and see how things fit together 'normally'.
However, most people have posted about what other people do that they don't understand.
So, in the end, it's 2 threads for the price of one (BOGOF)
I went to Download in '16 and it wasn't like it then but I have noticed in uploaded footage of festivals since that almost everyone is focused on filming rather than watching it 1st hand. Not just the one who uploaded it but presumably the same footage bar 2ft in another direction is also uploaded somewhere like what is even the point it's not unique footage it's just a sad attempt at going viral or to prove to strangers on the internet who don't really care about you that you have an "interesting" life rather than just being there and enjoying it. (Copy pasted from another thread because it is super relevant here actually.)
Mums, pretty much universally, do a ridiculously hard job, everyday.
They are likely multitasking in this instance, but I suspect often just having a few moments peace, as they choose, to freely read or talk to someone that isn't a child. Those windows of time are crucial to your own sanity, and that's a Dad saying so
to all the mums out there! Heroes
Agreed. But what urkes me so much is that silence seems to be viewed as rude. It's not, it's just more functionally appropriate!
Possibly why AI will be a good addition to situations of utilitarian exchange?
We had a pandemic where society quickly pivoted to working from home, this saving the pollution caused by billions of daily commuting people in the middle of a global climate crisis...
...and companies have just, for the most part, gone back to the way it was!! Wtf!?
I realise people need human contact, we are included in that, but just to revert back to a full commute is crazy!! I will never understand this.
I realise why, because governments need money to flow into cities, but wasn't this our big VERY OBVIOUS chance to help our climate situation??
I am often called a troll and am banned from many online groups as a result.
Tying into the 'Things you just dont get in life' I dont get why I am called a troll and banned. Someone has posted a position, I have worded a response (arguably entrapment) which down the line I can have them challenge their first position... If they have contradictory positions, then my position is the strongest... If they don't then I have new information to take away to learn something new.
I don't understand why my wish to learn something new or show someone they are not right is trolling.
I don’t know when the rules change from stranger to acquaintance to friend. I once dropped something and someone I see regularly on the school run picked it up for me and now she says hi to me all the time. But then I picked something up for another parent who dropped something and the next time I saw them I said an enthusiastic ‘hi’ but she looked confused. Some parents will say hi in the street after they’ve chatted to you at a kids party and some won’t. Some people just say hi if you live on their street, but not if you live down the next street. I find the rules around this really awkward and find I end up lagging behind or crossing the road to avoid the awkwardness. in general I find if you’re in the countryside you always say hi no matter what. When I rode a bike to work I found that cyclists do a weird head nod to each other. Sometimes I would forget I wasn’t on a bike and do the weird head nod to people on bikes and they would look at me weird