Published on 12, July, 2020
As Melanie Sykes said, she was a "walking contradiction" and I feel the same. Here are my examples. I'd love to know if you are the same or have any more to add! 1. Feel less need to follow social conventions but then am a heavy people pleaser.2. Feel I have my own sense of identity but get easily swept along by others.3. Not sure how I feel a lot of the time but feel very strongly when I do know. Feel strongly other people's emotions or completely miss them.4. Feel like I can't read people in the moment but then pick up on micro expressions or feelings other people don't seem to notice.5. Love being on my own but have a strong need for people interaction which is often a bit difficult and tiring.6. Naturally introverted but love the energy when with the right people.7. Get mixed up with left or right but have a good sense of direction.8. A strong need to be on time but always running late.9, Approachable as an ear for problems but seldom have my own listened to.10. Communicate clearly in my job but can't explain problems to health professionals very well.11. Am a natural organiser but actually not very organised.12. A strong need for a tidy house but it's always a mess (to me).13. An effort to have less stuff but feel its always cluttered.14. A desire for a minimalist house but think they're boring.15. Often really want to get going a lot of the time but don't know how..16. Don't like loud noises but love loud music.17. Can get up early of my own accord but not when my alarm goes off.18. Hyper focus or inertia.19. Like to be spontaneuous but don't like a change to a plan and need to know ahead what's happening.20. Find sameness boring but don't like change.21. Need routine to function but have difficulty forming them unless it's imposed.
22. Good long term memory but poor short term memory. 23. Can see both sides of the discussion so have conflicting opinions.
What did you do working for yourself? I think it's often a double edge sword. In that we ARE highly tuned into people but don't know how to respond to expectations.
Steven said: it's just a horribly narrow focus. All this, and more, is why I find it so hard to list 'positives of ASD',
it's just a horribly narrow focus.
All this, and more, is why I find it so hard to list 'positives of ASD',
Me too. I struggle to find a positive outcome of my autism.
I have a fair few, but not all, of those.I have the reverse of your sense of direction thing. Left and right I have no problem with, but I could get lost on my own doorstep. Driving even relatively familiar routes sometimes, I can still mess things up. And I wandered round the town for 40 minutes a couple of weeks ago trying to find a restaurant I must have passed several times.
I find your lucid insight very refreshing and thank you for it. Your descriptions ring so true to my ears.
out_of_step said: empathy plays a big part which neither party are usually aware of.
I am very weak on empathy. I am excessively aware of my NYC accent and how cautiously people treat me upon first engagement. I am highly tuned into their reactions. I understand this to be problematic for myself. My stilted conversational style is no help. For this reason, I decided to work for myself these last 20+ years until my recent retirement. I engage openly with this site as an outlet.
out_of_step said:On here I say stuff I've never talked to anyone about.
I have spent a lifetime "clammed up" unable to express myself to ANYONE including my wife(s) so I shock myself with my openness I never thought able to display, and with a self-resignation of never having the opportunity to do so. ---anonymity rules!!
I too --- as far as I am aware---do not currently stim, although I did throughout my adolescent years. I too panicked during my AU interview and began constant hand rubbing.
Thank you. It's good to have a refresher
In connection with your very agreeable comment here --- in my naivete--- is a link to further it:
Me and Monotropism: A unified theory of autism | BPS
Please forgive me as a newby to this site if this had already been covered in past threads.
I find people like this tricky because in my mind it was they who wanted to speak but now they are leaving it up to me. They started it!
Conversation works both ways and your acquiantence could have also carried on the conversation but didnt. This is something I'm starting to be a bit more mindful of. The onus isn't always on us. I think double empathy plays a big part which neither party are usually aware of. I wonder if for me a lot of the mulling over afterwards is me checking if things were "right" or not. Conversations to most people are fleeting transient exchanges.
I whole heartedly sympathise with your comment. Reciprocal response evades me and is totally unintentional. It's always a regrettable afterthought! I find it sooo difficult to maintain a verbal conversation. I'm not making excuses for myself, which is an easy way out, so I beat myself up over it. Just this morning while walking my dog, my attention was directed to another dog walker by a hearty hello. We had past each other several times over times past. He stopped wishing to have a chat. Once we got the ice breakers out of the way like the weather, the new year and what it may bring, my conversation just froze---I could not think what else to say so I spoke a joke, and said goodbye as I turned to leave. I've been so deeply ingrained with a preconditioned expectation of rejection that it has become self-fulfilling,---I hate it!
Thank you to people who have responded specifically to the list. The more I engage with this forum the more I realise how different we all are and that's a good reminder.
JuniperFromGallifrey said:nano particles exchanging 'packets of information' in Thin Air and flying back up their nose when falling in love.
And who said romance was dead.
Thank you for your thoughtful responses. I find them interesting because I'm interested in how we process the world. I have in neat boxes within my head about how at least my brain processes things. This coukd be right or it could be wrong but it sits ok with me. These ideas are echoed in your post. They are...1. Bottom up processing so detail first to build a bigger picture. As such, 2. A big need for certainty which can only be got by building up to a bigger picture. It seems "neurotypical" people start off with the bigger picture and fill in the detail so can probably tolerate more uncertainty to some degree. 3. Our brains work on one channel. If too many signals are coming in we don't know what to tune into and can get scrambled (monotropism). Or we need a definite strong signal. 4. Inertia which links to 3 but is also about how we attend to tasks. 5. A strong need for things to be right which probably covers most of the above.
How on earth can brains NOT work linearly with time? Time to humans IS linear!
I'm learning over the years that boundaries are important. My wise friend says "No." is a full sentence in itself.
I'd rather genuinely ask people when ive got time to talk about it which isn't first thing in the morning when I'm trying to get sorted at work. I am really interested in people because i think you can find little interesting nuggets in everyone even oeople who are different to you. A lot of people are more than happy with trivia. I too would like to talk about the big stuff but know it's not appropriate most of the time. It can be quite intense for a lot of people, even my friends and ive learned most people may only slightly consider The Big Stuff but its not interesting to them to go any deeper. Or they can't handle it! I had one friend who I could talk to about these things but he's gone AWOL.
You might feel its an invasion on them because you feel invaded when they ask you? We tend to view and treat others through our own world view. My problem tends to be I ask people how they are out of politeness in return to their how are you, but for some reason the floodgates open and I get chapter and verse on their life. When all I've responded with is "I'm fine" even when I'm not, because that's just easier and because that's what you are supposed to do. Another example of there being rules which I follow but no one else seems to.
It's more that I feel I'm putting people out. Not on here but in real life. Yet on the other hand I'm happy to just be direct and ask for help. Another contradiction.
Definitely me.
I do it now because I like it I mean posting here
Thanks, Mariusz.
JuniperFromGallifrey said:Humans need to connect.
It's a way up a very steep hill. Humans started it when one tribe discovered another. For some reason, that I can't fathom out, it isn't going very well
JuniperFromGallifrey said:it's a bit of an invasion to ask. And trivial. Tomorrow or in an hour I might feel different. Feelings have little bearing on a thing.
same here. Except when you get a meltdown