Published on 12, July, 2020
As Melanie Sykes said, she was a "walking contradiction" and I feel the same. Here are my examples. I'd love to know if you are the same or have any more to add! 1. Feel less need to follow social conventions but then am a heavy people pleaser.2. Feel I have my own sense of identity but get easily swept along by others.3. Not sure how I feel a lot of the time but feel very strongly when I do know. Feel strongly other people's emotions or completely miss them.4. Feel like I can't read people in the moment but then pick up on micro expressions or feelings other people don't seem to notice.5. Love being on my own but have a strong need for people interaction which is often a bit difficult and tiring.6. Naturally introverted but love the energy when with the right people.7. Get mixed up with left or right but have a good sense of direction.8. A strong need to be on time but always running late.9, Approachable as an ear for problems but seldom have my own listened to.10. Communicate clearly in my job but can't explain problems to health professionals very well.11. Am a natural organiser but actually not very organised.12. A strong need for a tidy house but it's always a mess (to me).13. An effort to have less stuff but feel its always cluttered.14. A desire for a minimalist house but think they're boring.15. Often really want to get going a lot of the time but don't know how..16. Don't like loud noises but love loud music.17. Can get up early of my own accord but not when my alarm goes off.18. Hyper focus or inertia.19. Like to be spontaneuous but don't like a change to a plan and need to know ahead what's happening.20. Find sameness boring but don't like change.21. Need routine to function but have difficulty forming them unless it's imposed.
22. Good long term memory but poor short term memory. 23. Can see both sides of the discussion so have conflicting opinions.
A lot of these aren't contradictory.
Most seem fundamental to the way we think: Difficulty with vocabulary / words / language and Semiotics (signs). But there are so many ways to communicate and connect. It's possible the Au brain is not designed with the same 'motherboard' and so just doesn't take-in the 'encoding' which is used for assigning Theatrics within NT social situations. We're also wired to see things as they are, which is great if you're foraging or work in Health and Safety. It's talked about as less of an ability to filter out unwanted incoming signals. But we can also say, we don't really dull our senses. However, the "too much detail" can slow our processing down. Both of these will contribute to not getting the education we needed growing up in a society we're a bit of a mismatch for. We'll have missed some crucial points about how to do "human"... or how to do it in modern society with a fluidity.
1. A people pleaser can involve Fawning (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) a mechanism learned from abuse, but it can involve the need to connect from never feeling genuinely known. Social conventions are created to keep everyone in their lane, at a similar pace, moving along.
2. Getting swept along when I don't want to is about the need for step-by-step practical boundaries. Many of us just don't understand these, even though we kind of genuinely like ourselves.
3. Less Filtering implies a deeper impact. Once we can get a vision or set a goal, we feel almost tied to it like an anchor: see Monotropism. The impact of things will always be more severe for Autists: whether a smell or taste or understanding or feeling / vibe. Emotions take up space. Some humans can fill an entire room. There's a bit of neurology looking into how our brainwaves connect with others and one could always look at the nano particles exchanging 'packets of information' in Thin Air and flying back up their nose when falling in love.
4. Has to do with recognising a system/structure and its accompanying aesthetic. Also less filtering plus lack of innate social 'codes'
6. Introversion/Extroversion is how we recharge/ regenerate. Everyone is attracted to like-minded others with similar values.
7. If you're a picture thinker, navigation might be easy. One can navigate by using their senses: view point, geometry, there's some theories we might be able to sense the polar magnets... But L & R are vocabulary assignments. And accessing words and their meaning can be difficult.
8. A different perception of time/space. It's possible NT brains work with linear time, Chronos and Autistics work with Kairos - Moments. This could be part of monotropism. Desiring to show up for someone is an act of respectfulness.
9. I often process "out loud". It's easier to make sense of external sound than attempt to separate all the incoming signals in my head and stop the music (forever playing, it's never stopped). Again, our Salience Network is just Soaking It All In, Love.
10. This could be an Au-NT issue. But also, part of the everything-all-at-once brain. Monotropistic Gamma waves + too much all at once non-filtering.
11/12/13. Again, when the world is often overwhelming there is a need to create an order for the chaos. It doesn't mean we win.
14 I've yet to see a minimalist house with a decent library. But OK...
Autistic-thinking appears to be about understanding the structure or system. We might also see details on the structure. But if there are bits that don't pertain to it, it might not makes sense for them to be part of the larger whole and it might just be confusing.You could think of Society / social languages in terms of theatrics. We might just be able to see what's happening behind the curtain and simply be inclined to find it more fascinating, but NTs want to watch the theatre in production, they want to get wrapped up in the phantasy.
The question really comes down to fundamental principles. When is it OK to be ruthless or cruel or manipulate. I quite like The Doctors motto: Never cruel, never cowardly, never giving up, never giving in. Recognising boundaries or consequences or just the laws of physics is not a giving up, but being respectful of human limitation. Affording dignity is not giving in - but it can appear like it when in a conflict with someone. It's OK to let someone have their moment or win a little even if they're wrong. If they don't have the understanding I have and it's crushing them, it can be pointless to continue - especially if they're 5. However, asserting a rule (for those under you) or boundaries (for those who can potentially ruin you) is appropriate and can sometimes help an other who needs a time out. Saying no and protecting one thing at the expense of another, when done with respectfulness in mind, is not cruel.
I quite like just asking does it help or hurt? Does it connect or divide. Humans need to connect. The world we live in is in a constant state of rebalance.
JuniperFromGallifrey said:nano particles exchanging 'packets of information' in Thin Air and flying back up their nose when falling in love.
And who said romance was dead.
Thank you for your thoughtful responses. I find them interesting because I'm interested in how we process the world. I have in neat boxes within my head about how at least my brain processes things. This coukd be right or it could be wrong but it sits ok with me. These ideas are echoed in your post. They are...1. Bottom up processing so detail first to build a bigger picture. As such, 2. A big need for certainty which can only be got by building up to a bigger picture. It seems "neurotypical" people start off with the bigger picture and fill in the detail so can probably tolerate more uncertainty to some degree. 3. Our brains work on one channel. If too many signals are coming in we don't know what to tune into and can get scrambled (monotropism). Or we need a definite strong signal. 4. Inertia which links to 3 but is also about how we attend to tasks. 5. A strong need for things to be right which probably covers most of the above.
How on earth can brains NOT work linearly with time? Time to humans IS linear!
I'm learning over the years that boundaries are important. My wise friend says "No." is a full sentence in itself.
Zeus' Dad.
To add: if you begin to write down what sort of uncertainty does not resonate as opposed to uncertainty that doesn't seem to matter, it will most likely be socially impacted uncertainty which affects livelihood is the problem. And one shouldn't be OK with that.
out_of_step said:And who said romance was dead.
Hahaha
Time!!! Time is such a great subject. We've created a concept for linear time and called it Chronos. We've taken measurements and discovered the movement of seasons, the cyclic motions of our environment and created calendars and clocks - all to harness this great unknown. And then there's the tiny complexity of our own decay, like all Matter we encounter, or Material 'Stuff'. And now we're believed to have discovered Light is outside of Time (yet there were echoes of this long before the study of Physics was a doctorate programme.)
I don't know... Part of uncertainty is the possibility of discovery. In a space I can control, with natural elements, not harmful ones, I'll find I'm OK with uncertainty because really, nothing is certain. I don't like when uncertainty leaves me in a state of Indefinite Postponement, I find that cruel. But I don't allow these situations too much unless it's unavoidable like renewing a passport.
The disdain of uncertainty in society is usually warranted. NTs seem to have a better grasp on certainty because they don't tend to be robbed of agency in their youth and have been taught to do what they want regardless (as a domination tactic - a sort of work-a-round), but also there's a lack of intense impact. But all humans need to mature beyond B&W rash thinking when it is of little consequence. Many parents of autistic children on here could use a reminder of how they must grow beyond polar thinking if they are to be successful as parents.