Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello! New here, and newly diagnosed. I feel like I'm on a bit of a rollercoaster with the diagnosis. One minute fine; "well duh, it's obvious I'm autistic", the next just kinda sad or frustrated at things that have happened in the past that might have been different if I'd known.
One such thing is my career. I feel like I chose it in a very autistic way. It was strategic and made sense because I could see a neat row of dots which I could connect together to do "the right thing" for my family.. But I'd also dropped out of school at 12, so I had to complete five years of study to actually get to the job I had decided I was going to do. I hated every minute of my studies. Up to that point in my life I had always quit everything, and unfortunately for present-day-me this was the moment I decided I was going to change my ways. Eight years later, I am miserable.
In the last two years alone I've taken three extended periods of time off sick due to "mental health difficulties". I realise now it was likely burn out each time. I hit an all time low yesterday and nearly quit on the spot. I literally did no work all day, instead just talking myself down from acting impulsively. Today I have logged myself as absent and have already decided I won't work again this year. I have realised I need to change my job, and I need a bit of mental space to think about it. So I'm taking it.
I guess what I'm really curious to know is, is this... common? Or maybe just what are you experiences of the working world as autistic adults? How did you select your career path? Do you love your job? Did you get it "right" first time? If not, how did you go about switching? Is it possible that I'm always going to go through burnout cycles because finding jobs that carry any level of satisfaction is actually pretty unlikely? I do kind of feel like I'm just going to be miserable for the rest of my life no matter how hard or long I work to try and make things better.
Hello moosticks
I'm sorry to hear that you have had a hard time with managing your diagnosis and work.
You might like to have a look at our guide ‘Support at work – a guide for autistic people’ which you can find here:
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/employment/support-at-work/autistic-adults
There is information in the guide which might help you consider the pros and cons of disclosing your diagnosis.
I hope this helps,
ChloeMod
i didn't read anything you said but I am just like you in an emotional wreck or on a emotional rollercoaster depending if I'm normal or feeling s********** . your right I'm like you
Yes, I'm also trying to reframe previous "failings" in academia and the workplace now I know I'm on the spectrum.
Thanks!
Hope the proof-reading gig becomes a reality for you, sounds perfect.
That's really interesting that you ended up taking longer than planned to complete due to exhaustion. I dis a distance learning PGDip via Aberystwyth that took me five years instead of the 3-4 I'd set as my goal, and it was a similar thing. The five was supposed to include room for a potential Masters, but the clock had run down so far by then I'd have had a meltdown attempting it, so took my PGDip gratefully and have made the use of it that I wanted/needed anyway. Now that I'm re-framing previous 'failings' as 'I did well considering (by then I'd been in non-stop further education - latterly part-time) for nine years, so in a way it's no surprise, especially knowing what I now know.
I think a lot of these feelings are very common, about diagnosis and career. I didn't know what I wanted to do all through school and university. Eventually fell into librarianship through doing some voluntary work when I was burnt out. I decided to train for that (which took three times longer than it should due to further burnout), but then struggled to build a career in the library sector. I thought it was an autism-friendly career with opportunities for part-time work, but that hasn't been my experience, and I've found interviews a big obstacle to finding work. Further burnout and a really autistically unsuitable library job (which did at least help convince me I should get diagnosed) have meant that I've only had two very short-term jobs in that sector over the last couple of years. I currently have a part-time job in a completely different sector (also not brilliant for an autistic, but good in other ways). I am not sure if I want to make more of an effort to get back into librarianship, as I've soured on the whole experience, and think the chances of finding a largely back-room and part-time job are small, even before taking into account the interview process. I want to try to start doing supplementary work as a proof-reader working from home, which would at least play more to my autistic skills.
moosticks,
It's hard for me to answer those questions because I'm not you but I can let you know how work has been for me and the decision I've made in that regard.
I tried from the age of 16-46 to work. I got ill on a regular basis so much so that I had to give up every job to try another which ultimately led to the same thing. I think that any type of work for me is too much because I am a single parent to an wonderful Autistic girl. I chose to be on benefits so I am healthy enough to raise my child and then I will consider if paid work is something I can handle. I am volunteering starting in January to see if I can handle that. I've volunteered in the past but became too ill to continue. I think this time it will be different as it will be within my own home making calls to support people. This is something I am more comfortable doing and I hope that this will be something longterm. I can only try.
Keep posting here if you need to and hopefully when you reach a better energy level once again you'll know what will work for you for your future.
This is a really interesting one to bring up, thanks for doing so. And I'm sorry you're feeling as you are, understandable as it it. I consider myself one of the lucky ones - I found something so niche and so 'me' (that I hope to be a lifer in, if possible) that I know it's within a very narrow band of things I could do full-time without a total breakdown or regular severe burnouts. It's a specialism within library work, though I started out with more general library duties which worked well too. I'll never be rich but I don't want to be. Even then, I still have to be careful not to get too dysregulated as my focus can go very easily if I'm ruminating, triggered, anxious about departmental change, etc. I'll say more later, as I don't have enough time right now, but I hope you can hang in there, and find something just right for you. I have several colleagues who came out of higher-pressure careers (teaching, the law, one or two psychologists) - in some cases taking a massive pay cut- as they could see the iceberg and needed a better respite/fulfillment balance. Burnout is no joke, and I hope that the rest of the month gives you a chance for some proper self-care and to formulate some thoughts around what might work best in future.