Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello! New here, and newly diagnosed. I feel like I'm on a bit of a rollercoaster with the diagnosis. One minute fine; "well duh, it's obvious I'm autistic", the next just kinda sad or frustrated at things that have happened in the past that might have been different if I'd known.
One such thing is my career. I feel like I chose it in a very autistic way. It was strategic and made sense because I could see a neat row of dots which I could connect together to do "the right thing" for my family.. But I'd also dropped out of school at 12, so I had to complete five years of study to actually get to the job I had decided I was going to do. I hated every minute of my studies. Up to that point in my life I had always quit everything, and unfortunately for present-day-me this was the moment I decided I was going to change my ways. Eight years later, I am miserable.
In the last two years alone I've taken three extended periods of time off sick due to "mental health difficulties". I realise now it was likely burn out each time. I hit an all time low yesterday and nearly quit on the spot. I literally did no work all day, instead just talking myself down from acting impulsively. Today I have logged myself as absent and have already decided I won't work again this year. I have realised I need to change my job, and I need a bit of mental space to think about it. So I'm taking it.
I guess what I'm really curious to know is, is this... common? Or maybe just what are you experiences of the working world as autistic adults? How did you select your career path? Do you love your job? Did you get it "right" first time? If not, how did you go about switching? Is it possible that I'm always going to go through burnout cycles because finding jobs that carry any level of satisfaction is actually pretty unlikely? I do kind of feel like I'm just going to be miserable for the rest of my life no matter how hard or long I work to try and make things better.
I think a lot of these feelings are very common, about diagnosis and career. I didn't know what I wanted to do all through school and university. Eventually fell into librarianship through doing some voluntary work when I was burnt out. I decided to train for that (which took three times longer than it should due to further burnout), but then struggled to build a career in the library sector. I thought it was an autism-friendly career with opportunities for part-time work, but that hasn't been my experience, and I've found interviews a big obstacle to finding work. Further burnout and a really autistically unsuitable library job (which did at least help convince me I should get diagnosed) have meant that I've only had two very short-term jobs in that sector over the last couple of years. I currently have a part-time job in a completely different sector (also not brilliant for an autistic, but good in other ways). I am not sure if I want to make more of an effort to get back into librarianship, as I've soured on the whole experience, and think the chances of finding a largely back-room and part-time job are small, even before taking into account the interview process. I want to try to start doing supplementary work as a proof-reader working from home, which would at least play more to my autistic skills.
Hope the proof-reading gig becomes a reality for you, sounds perfect.
That's really interesting that you ended up taking longer than planned to complete due to exhaustion. I dis a distance learning PGDip via Aberystwyth that took me five years instead of the 3-4 I'd set as my goal, and it was a similar thing. The five was supposed to include room for a potential Masters, but the clock had run down so far by then I'd have had a meltdown attempting it, so took my PGDip gratefully and have made the use of it that I wanted/needed anyway. Now that I'm re-framing previous 'failings' as 'I did well considering (by then I'd been in non-stop further education - latterly part-time) for nine years, so in a way it's no surprise, especially knowing what I now know.