Starting a new relationship

You resurrected a thread from 6 months ago just to write that?

nice

same to me bro. Alone is better.

cuphead

Your conscious and Sub-Conscious mind are at odds with each other. Sure you are confused.

What we want compared to reality can be crippling. I am sure though that there is another Person out there asking the very same question as you. You just need to find each other.

I did not know that one

Being a single certainly doesn't mean you're a failure in life and there is no reason why your kids should think that.

My parents divorced when I was very young. Subsequently my mum had an unrealistic dream of attaining the perfect happy two parent family and she pursued new relationships endlessly for many years. This was all very traumatic for me growing up, having strange men in the house and overhearing the endless arguments when those relationships inevitably broke down.

What I observed and overheard as a child was enough to put me off relationships for life! I treasured the times in between her having boyfriends, when it was just my mum as a single parent. 

Also it is never too late to seek a diagnosis if you think it will help you. 

Sure Mariusz - and thanks for telling your story.  There's a proverb - "Troubles overcome are good to tell."

It was close, and there is no coming back 

When I was 14y.o. and my mom being christian unwilling to leave my 'dad', who was not working at all for years, instead he was borrowing money wherever he could and drinking all the time, coming back home drunk and agressive and beting mom and one of us at least everyday, mom was paying off his debts, after lots of thinking about cons and pros I made a decision to do my 'dad' like a carp just before christmas, so I could dispose of him easily, pretending it's leftovers of a just killed carp, even if meant to be a sacrifice for the good of my family and ending up in jail. But I couldn't. All I managed was to knock him to the floor and breaking a broom in a process, and he was laughing in my face, probably thinking I just took first step to end up like him. Month later I tried seppuku for the first time instead, that did not work either.

But don't be sorry for me, it's a learning curve, to live on this planet now, by trial and error we learn and perservere.

I remember asking my parents when they were going to get divorced. Not because they were having major marital issues, but because a lot of the children in my class at school had parents who had gone their separate ways. It's laughable when I think about it now, as at the time I was quite put out by my parents desire to remain happily married, and not be like the parents of my peers.

Sorry to hear that Mariusz.  Glad you didn't switch to the 'dark side' though!

I agree.

Me and my 3 sisters were begging our mom to leave 'dad'. We would rather have one parent

Still she was good mom, we made it to adulthood, without switching to dark side

but trauma from watching them fight will be with me forever

I'm a single parent too, so I understand how much of a struggle it can be. I feel I am ill-equipped to advise you on how to restart your love life, but one thing I do want to say is that I think it's unlikely your children will grow up thinking you have been a failure in life.

Helen said:

to focus on yourself and the kids

Having a partner demands a lot of attention

Being single parent gives you access to additional benefits

if both partners are not the right partners for each other it eventually will lead to occasional quarelling

It confuses and baffles children and eventually leads to anger, they can't decide which side to take, and they don't want to take sides, so if relationship continues until they reach aldulthood they cut contact with both parents often. It's the worst trauma to serve own children

if it's just sex you're after, you could try one night stands to relieve yourself

May I ask how long you've been single?  My reason for asking is, maybe there's no hurry and you need a little time to focus on yourself and the kids?  But I don't know your full situation of course.

And sending you a big hug - from one autistic mum to another.  I think one thing our kids will admire about us in time is our tenacity.  

Do you feel like you need 'love life' ?

I'm better alone, without daily pressure to interact and connect with a partner