Published on 12, July, 2020
I've spent over a decade bouncing between counselors and other services that have been trying to treat me for anxiety, with only mild success. Most counselors give up on me after a couple of months. The most successful intervention I've found has been daily physical exercise, which has mostly removed the background anxiety I've felt my whole life, so now I only get stressed out by particular events and situations.
I've read a lot about anxiety and tried various approaches to treating it, most recently acceptance and commitment therapy. Most approaches seem to work in the idea that if you keep doing something you're anxious about, you'll soon stop being anxious about it. This is the opposite of my experience but everything I read is so adamant that this is the way that to some extent I've persevered.
I recently read Autism in Adults by Luke Beardon and the chapter on anxiety describes my experience better than anything else I've ever read. It doesn't focus on worries about being liked or feelings of inferiority, which I don't really have, but on the overwhelming nature of new and social situations.
What I found interesting is that the approach suggested by the book is the opposite of everything I've ever been told about treating anxiety. It suggests modifying the environment to remove triggers, rather than trying to desensitise yourself to them. Working to have more stability in your life, rather than learning to accept and embrace change. Explaining to people that you NEED accommodations. Everyone who has ever treated me for anxiety would call this "avoidance" and say it's bad.
Where I have over the last 10 or so years taken the approach of modifying my life to remove anxiety triggers, I've generally been happier as a result. e.g. generally doing much less social stuff, sticking to routines, insisting on concrete plans, using text based rather than voice communication, etc. I have fewer meltdowns, less fatigue, and greater feelings of well being with a simpler, more solitary life. However people around me always regard these changes as "giving in" to anxiety and think they will make me less happy in the long run.
I thought this was interesting. Does anyone have similar experiences of dealing with anxiety and found that they had more success with managing it after being identified as on the spectrum?
I was not really clear, but I had depression for years way before that - generally it was from the life experieces and I could not figure out why some things did not worked out as it was for other people and it took some time, before I was diagnosed with ASD.
It is not really that simple to die from depression while at the peak of life, but it is possible to be open to further damage.
Well, life is a journey - you are here for a ride and will have all the package that comes with that.
As for anxiety - I was most stressed when she was dying from cancer, as apparently my subconsciousness was more aware of what was going to happen.
I was also not clear about anxieties - the ones that are caused from human beings.
Well, understanding about ASD is still developing and mostly people are not keeping up to those updates. But for me ASD is not about not understanding body language(as it is commonly proposed) - I actually understand it quite well(if not initially, then after some thinking) - the biggest issue for me is to respond to body language signals and with proper timing, which is significant in communication. I usually am less "autistic", and just "very smart" to other people, when I am less stressed out.
So, if some humans are causing anxiety, apparently there are limits I can go, before it would be a criminal offence - most of my anxiety is kicking in when I have to stop further escalation(because I am not a complete idiot), where my body and mind is prepared for fight and the issue here is that I can't really flee properly as well and I've tried medications and everyhting else and that is not working, while me being proactive is the only way to actually make triggering situations go away. You can try to duck and cover, but it takes courage and gathering of energy to just call a police. Also, my neighbourhood is some kind of nightmare - my neighbour from next house told me horror story, where neighbours above broke in his flat via celing and killed his cat and housing is an issue. So, before I talked to my neighbour, I was thinking, that I was the one, that had issues.
The best solution are preventible actions - that are set way before escalations. So in my case the only logical solution is moving to different house(if not counting just living on the street, which is even worse), as this flat is terrible even for people that have no ASD - I can hear my neighbours complaining on a phone to other people how bad sound insulation they have. So, the only people that were not complaining were those that were antisocial. Yeah, I have been in this place for way too long...
As for bullies - they are like children, they are aware that they are causing you discomfort and it is a part of a psychological warfare of primates, that is millions of years old.
I'm sorry about your sister.
Depression and anxiety are not at all the same mechanisms. Ideally, depression - or de-pressuring, decompression, etc. is a natural mechanism to help the body embrace it's natural decay toward death when it's time. Anxiety is a flight/flight mechanic that should kick in when danger approaches.
When someone else passes, it's not an unresolved matter but something finite. In some cases, the loss creates a difficultly coping with a desired vision of a future which won't happen. other times, it can be a relief. (These are not the only options, just a few examples)
But when you say the approach of engaging with anxiety worked, are you saying that your anxiety over talking with people subsided and now it's much easier for you talk with others? I would relegate that to this unknown / unidentified situation. Collecting knowledge on a thing and learning practical steps toward working around or with it. Some things are unavoidable and it's better to learn tools or find resources to cope.
But I'm talking about issues which cause damage. Being further subjected to sensory assault won't dull the senses. Certain chemicals will cause lightheadedness. Certain lights flickering might give a seizure. Same with psychological issues with other humans. Whether their behaviour clashes with your values or their cruel, it's best to remove one self or seek therapy, not continue the dynamic.
JuniperFromGallifrey said:But it is completely absurd and inhumane.
Yes. When my sister died, I was forced to talk a lot with other people. I also stopped being depressed, because there was no point anymore. So in my case - that approach actually worked.
Half of my anxiety will be due to not being able to identify or understand a thing and the other half from unresolved issues. Taking up a small wedge of this pie would be recurring harmonies or melodies which are terrorising late at night and won't stop playing in my head (for one brother of mine it is maths).
Once I find the source of the pressure, or understand the mechanism (a physical element or a psychological exchange), and also the appropriate practical response to fix, work around or remove the obstacle, the anxiety is gone. This could be a relationship with a terrorising individual or a lightbulb. The more tried and true wisdom (Chesterton, Orwell, Lewis, Fromm - add a myriad of others) I've received about the Law of the Nature of Humans and problem/resolution practical applications, the easier life has become. Family issues I cannot resolve due to misaligned values, I have mental steps to rememeber where I am and where they are, what's mine to fix and what's not.
I've never heard of this:
HP35 said:Most approaches seem to work in the idea that if you keep doing something you're anxious about, you'll soon stop being anxious about it.
But it is completely absurd and inhumane.
If you are ruminating about something that is still present, then you can't really stop ruminating ;)
I think, that I have read someone mentioning previously CBT and where that person was sent to... and frankly I finally see why there was no point in that suggestion, because even NTs will be driven mad, if someone in the flat above would be having parties all night and then next day and then another night... :)
I think, I do not need to find a balance, as I have it already and I am fine about my balances and not really trying to make others suffer, but only maintaining an order is an issue, because I get very disbalanced if other people do not act properly and that is an issue, that is causing my anxiety :)
CBT in my case is violence against me, because I do not have anxiey in the first place if everything is ok. Maybe that helps you, but hardly that would be so, if you were in my place and had to deal with the same neighbours :D
Yoga and meditation would work. Sure - but only before final contemplation how to end life of my neighbours, so you see where it all can only go to hell for everyone...
I had CBT and I would say its helped me tolerate anxiety better because you cannot, cannot completely avoid anxiety in your life otherwise you wouldn't be living your life. However I do think it's sensible to make changes to your environment or set up etc to minimise anxiety overall. I think if this was done, there'd be lower levels of base line anxiety so that when unavoidable anxiety comes along, it might be slightly less challenging to deal with because your anxiety isn't already at ridiculous levels. I also think it's unreasonable to expect everyone to bow down to autism and suddenly change their lives or communication style to accommodate me. If everyone had a general appreciation there are different ways to live and communicate regardless of if you're on the spectrum or not it'd make things better overall for everyone.
So I'm saying one needs to find a balance.
Also I read in a mindfulness book that anxiety is an emotion so needs to come from somewhere....I think high intolerance of uncertainty within autistic individuals has got a lot to answer for.
For me, anxiety isn't often physical feelings but the ruminating thoughts instead.
I have found, in the past, mindfulness meditation has a cumulative positive effect on managing anxiety but I needed to get over the ongoing "peak" in order for it to be effective. At one point no amount of breathing, yoga or meditation woukd work, it was too much pressure that I should be RELAXED and it'd make feelings worse.
Yes. I have started asking people just not to ask me about things, that are worrying me, because even talking about things that worries me can cause anxiety to me. The older I get, the more impact I get.
Also, it might not be working in most cases, but controlling emotions and trying to be calm is adding to anxiety, while showing anger and even threatening people that are making me anxious with violence is making me less anxious. I tested it and I feel better, if I kick something - evendoors of someone. Well, that is probably for very extreme situations...
To be fair, most of the stuff that I have heard about ASD has not worked for me at all and I tried, but now I have to do it my way - as usual.
Autistic people can make other autistic people very anxious and I find that adapting to NT(that includes telling them my needs) is working to me much better, than running into someone who looks potentially with ASD diagnosis. Also, under some circumstances I find it much easier to have a control over NT crowd(or simply mirroring them), than ASD and I have seen many people that potentially are ASD in top positions and who feel comfortable... but get really anxious when I appear, because to some I was unpredictable.
Humans are species, that not only adapt, but most comfortably feel when they have changed and adapted environment to themselves, so here you go - I feel very comfortable, when I have everything under my control and when things are finally going my way - right way.
To me anxiety is not going to go away, unless the reason for anxiety is gone - so, calming down and taking deep breath, while trigger is on is not going to work for me. So, talking about triggers means, that it is still there.
PS I might have a higher anxiety level, but that has not always be the case and in retrospect - everything applies the same.