Published on 12, July, 2020
I've spent over a decade bouncing between counselors and other services that have been trying to treat me for anxiety, with only mild success. Most counselors give up on me after a couple of months. The most successful intervention I've found has been daily physical exercise, which has mostly removed the background anxiety I've felt my whole life, so now I only get stressed out by particular events and situations.
I've read a lot about anxiety and tried various approaches to treating it, most recently acceptance and commitment therapy. Most approaches seem to work in the idea that if you keep doing something you're anxious about, you'll soon stop being anxious about it. This is the opposite of my experience but everything I read is so adamant that this is the way that to some extent I've persevered.
I recently read Autism in Adults by Luke Beardon and the chapter on anxiety describes my experience better than anything else I've ever read. It doesn't focus on worries about being liked or feelings of inferiority, which I don't really have, but on the overwhelming nature of new and social situations.
What I found interesting is that the approach suggested by the book is the opposite of everything I've ever been told about treating anxiety. It suggests modifying the environment to remove triggers, rather than trying to desensitise yourself to them. Working to have more stability in your life, rather than learning to accept and embrace change. Explaining to people that you NEED accommodations. Everyone who has ever treated me for anxiety would call this "avoidance" and say it's bad.
Where I have over the last 10 or so years taken the approach of modifying my life to remove anxiety triggers, I've generally been happier as a result. e.g. generally doing much less social stuff, sticking to routines, insisting on concrete plans, using text based rather than voice communication, etc. I have fewer meltdowns, less fatigue, and greater feelings of well being with a simpler, more solitary life. However people around me always regard these changes as "giving in" to anxiety and think they will make me less happy in the long run.
I thought this was interesting. Does anyone have similar experiences of dealing with anxiety and found that they had more success with managing it after being identified as on the spectrum?
I had CBT and I would say its helped me tolerate anxiety better because you cannot, cannot completely avoid anxiety in your life otherwise you wouldn't be living your life. However I do think it's sensible to make changes to your environment or set up etc to minimise anxiety overall. I think if this was done, there'd be lower levels of base line anxiety so that when unavoidable anxiety comes along, it might be slightly less challenging to deal with because your anxiety isn't already at ridiculous levels. I also think it's unreasonable to expect everyone to bow down to autism and suddenly change their lives or communication style to accommodate me. If everyone had a general appreciation there are different ways to live and communicate regardless of if you're on the spectrum or not it'd make things better overall for everyone.
So I'm saying one needs to find a balance.
Also I read in a mindfulness book that anxiety is an emotion so needs to come from somewhere....I think high intolerance of uncertainty within autistic individuals has got a lot to answer for.
For me, anxiety isn't often physical feelings but the ruminating thoughts instead.
I have found, in the past, mindfulness meditation has a cumulative positive effect on managing anxiety but I needed to get over the ongoing "peak" in order for it to be effective. At one point no amount of breathing, yoga or meditation woukd work, it was too much pressure that I should be RELAXED and it'd make feelings worse.
If you are ruminating about something that is still present, then you can't really stop ruminating ;)
I think, that I have read someone mentioning previously CBT and where that person was sent to... and frankly I finally see why there was no point in that suggestion, because even NTs will be driven mad, if someone in the flat above would be having parties all night and then next day and then another night... :)
I think, I do not need to find a balance, as I have it already and I am fine about my balances and not really trying to make others suffer, but only maintaining an order is an issue, because I get very disbalanced if other people do not act properly and that is an issue, that is causing my anxiety :)
CBT in my case is violence against me, because I do not have anxiey in the first place if everything is ok. Maybe that helps you, but hardly that would be so, if you were in my place and had to deal with the same neighbours :D
Yoga and meditation would work. Sure - but only before final contemplation how to end life of my neighbours, so you see where it all can only go to hell for everyone...