Published on 12, July, 2020
I've spent over a decade bouncing between counselors and other services that have been trying to treat me for anxiety, with only mild success. Most counselors give up on me after a couple of months. The most successful intervention I've found has been daily physical exercise, which has mostly removed the background anxiety I've felt my whole life, so now I only get stressed out by particular events and situations.
I've read a lot about anxiety and tried various approaches to treating it, most recently acceptance and commitment therapy. Most approaches seem to work in the idea that if you keep doing something you're anxious about, you'll soon stop being anxious about it. This is the opposite of my experience but everything I read is so adamant that this is the way that to some extent I've persevered.
I recently read Autism in Adults by Luke Beardon and the chapter on anxiety describes my experience better than anything else I've ever read. It doesn't focus on worries about being liked or feelings of inferiority, which I don't really have, but on the overwhelming nature of new and social situations.
What I found interesting is that the approach suggested by the book is the opposite of everything I've ever been told about treating anxiety. It suggests modifying the environment to remove triggers, rather than trying to desensitise yourself to them. Working to have more stability in your life, rather than learning to accept and embrace change. Explaining to people that you NEED accommodations. Everyone who has ever treated me for anxiety would call this "avoidance" and say it's bad.
Where I have over the last 10 or so years taken the approach of modifying my life to remove anxiety triggers, I've generally been happier as a result. e.g. generally doing much less social stuff, sticking to routines, insisting on concrete plans, using text based rather than voice communication, etc. I have fewer meltdowns, less fatigue, and greater feelings of well being with a simpler, more solitary life. However people around me always regard these changes as "giving in" to anxiety and think they will make me less happy in the long run.
I thought this was interesting. Does anyone have similar experiences of dealing with anxiety and found that they had more success with managing it after being identified as on the spectrum?
Yes. I have started asking people just not to ask me about things, that are worrying me, because even talking about things that worries me can cause anxiety to me. The older I get, the more impact I get.
Also, it might not be working in most cases, but controlling emotions and trying to be calm is adding to anxiety, while showing anger and even threatening people that are making me anxious with violence is making me less anxious. I tested it and I feel better, if I kick something - evendoors of someone. Well, that is probably for very extreme situations...
To be fair, most of the stuff that I have heard about ASD has not worked for me at all and I tried, but now I have to do it my way - as usual.
Autistic people can make other autistic people very anxious and I find that adapting to NT(that includes telling them my needs) is working to me much better, than running into someone who looks potentially with ASD diagnosis. Also, under some circumstances I find it much easier to have a control over NT crowd(or simply mirroring them), than ASD and I have seen many people that potentially are ASD in top positions and who feel comfortable... but get really anxious when I appear, because to some I was unpredictable.
Humans are species, that not only adapt, but most comfortably feel when they have changed and adapted environment to themselves, so here you go - I feel very comfortable, when I have everything under my control and when things are finally going my way - right way.
To me anxiety is not going to go away, unless the reason for anxiety is gone - so, calming down and taking deep breath, while trigger is on is not going to work for me. So, talking about triggers means, that it is still there.
PS I might have a higher anxiety level, but that has not always be the case and in retrospect - everything applies the same.