Published on 12, July, 2020
I've spent over a decade bouncing between counselors and other services that have been trying to treat me for anxiety, with only mild success. Most counselors give up on me after a couple of months. The most successful intervention I've found has been daily physical exercise, which has mostly removed the background anxiety I've felt my whole life, so now I only get stressed out by particular events and situations.
I've read a lot about anxiety and tried various approaches to treating it, most recently acceptance and commitment therapy. Most approaches seem to work in the idea that if you keep doing something you're anxious about, you'll soon stop being anxious about it. This is the opposite of my experience but everything I read is so adamant that this is the way that to some extent I've persevered.
I recently read Autism in Adults by Luke Beardon and the chapter on anxiety describes my experience better than anything else I've ever read. It doesn't focus on worries about being liked or feelings of inferiority, which I don't really have, but on the overwhelming nature of new and social situations.
What I found interesting is that the approach suggested by the book is the opposite of everything I've ever been told about treating anxiety. It suggests modifying the environment to remove triggers, rather than trying to desensitise yourself to them. Working to have more stability in your life, rather than learning to accept and embrace change. Explaining to people that you NEED accommodations. Everyone who has ever treated me for anxiety would call this "avoidance" and say it's bad.
Where I have over the last 10 or so years taken the approach of modifying my life to remove anxiety triggers, I've generally been happier as a result. e.g. generally doing much less social stuff, sticking to routines, insisting on concrete plans, using text based rather than voice communication, etc. I have fewer meltdowns, less fatigue, and greater feelings of well being with a simpler, more solitary life. However people around me always regard these changes as "giving in" to anxiety and think they will make me less happy in the long run.
I thought this was interesting. Does anyone have similar experiences of dealing with anxiety and found that they had more success with managing it after being identified as on the spectrum?
Half of my anxiety will be due to not being able to identify or understand a thing and the other half from unresolved issues. Taking up a small wedge of this pie would be recurring harmonies or melodies which are terrorising late at night and won't stop playing in my head (for one brother of mine it is maths).
Once I find the source of the pressure, or understand the mechanism (a physical element or a psychological exchange), and also the appropriate practical response to fix, work around or remove the obstacle, the anxiety is gone. This could be a relationship with a terrorising individual or a lightbulb. The more tried and true wisdom (Chesterton, Orwell, Lewis, Fromm - add a myriad of others) I've received about the Law of the Nature of Humans and problem/resolution practical applications, the easier life has become. Family issues I cannot resolve due to misaligned values, I have mental steps to rememeber where I am and where they are, what's mine to fix and what's not.
I've never heard of this:
HP35 said:Most approaches seem to work in the idea that if you keep doing something you're anxious about, you'll soon stop being anxious about it.
But it is completely absurd and inhumane.
JuniperFromGallifrey said:But it is completely absurd and inhumane.
Yes. When my sister died, I was forced to talk a lot with other people. I also stopped being depressed, because there was no point anymore. So in my case - that approach actually worked.
I'm sorry about your sister.
Depression and anxiety are not at all the same mechanisms. Ideally, depression - or de-pressuring, decompression, etc. is a natural mechanism to help the body embrace it's natural decay toward death when it's time. Anxiety is a flight/flight mechanic that should kick in when danger approaches.
When someone else passes, it's not an unresolved matter but something finite. In some cases, the loss creates a difficultly coping with a desired vision of a future which won't happen. other times, it can be a relief. (These are not the only options, just a few examples)
But when you say the approach of engaging with anxiety worked, are you saying that your anxiety over talking with people subsided and now it's much easier for you talk with others? I would relegate that to this unknown / unidentified situation. Collecting knowledge on a thing and learning practical steps toward working around or with it. Some things are unavoidable and it's better to learn tools or find resources to cope.
But I'm talking about issues which cause damage. Being further subjected to sensory assault won't dull the senses. Certain chemicals will cause lightheadedness. Certain lights flickering might give a seizure. Same with psychological issues with other humans. Whether their behaviour clashes with your values or their cruel, it's best to remove one self or seek therapy, not continue the dynamic.
I was not really clear, but I had depression for years way before that - generally it was from the life experieces and I could not figure out why some things did not worked out as it was for other people and it took some time, before I was diagnosed with ASD.
It is not really that simple to die from depression while at the peak of life, but it is possible to be open to further damage.
Well, life is a journey - you are here for a ride and will have all the package that comes with that.
As for anxiety - I was most stressed when she was dying from cancer, as apparently my subconsciousness was more aware of what was going to happen.
I was also not clear about anxieties - the ones that are caused from human beings.
Well, understanding about ASD is still developing and mostly people are not keeping up to those updates. But for me ASD is not about not understanding body language(as it is commonly proposed) - I actually understand it quite well(if not initially, then after some thinking) - the biggest issue for me is to respond to body language signals and with proper timing, which is significant in communication. I usually am less "autistic", and just "very smart" to other people, when I am less stressed out.
So, if some humans are causing anxiety, apparently there are limits I can go, before it would be a criminal offence - most of my anxiety is kicking in when I have to stop further escalation(because I am not a complete idiot), where my body and mind is prepared for fight and the issue here is that I can't really flee properly as well and I've tried medications and everyhting else and that is not working, while me being proactive is the only way to actually make triggering situations go away. You can try to duck and cover, but it takes courage and gathering of energy to just call a police. Also, my neighbourhood is some kind of nightmare - my neighbour from next house told me horror story, where neighbours above broke in his flat via celing and killed his cat and housing is an issue. So, before I talked to my neighbour, I was thinking, that I was the one, that had issues.
The best solution are preventible actions - that are set way before escalations. So in my case the only logical solution is moving to different house(if not counting just living on the street, which is even worse), as this flat is terrible even for people that have no ASD - I can hear my neighbours complaining on a phone to other people how bad sound insulation they have. So, the only people that were not complaining were those that were antisocial. Yeah, I have been in this place for way too long...
As for bullies - they are like children, they are aware that they are causing you discomfort and it is a part of a psychological warfare of primates, that is millions of years old.