Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, I have been advised to have an autism assessment. It completely threw me. I have depression and anxiety which isn't responding to anything, and it was suggested to me that I might be autistic.
I then started looking into ASD, and there are some things that fit, but not all.
Terrified of social events, so I don't attend. If I don't know people I have zero confidence in approaching and starting a conversation. Yet, at work I get along with my colleagues without issues (but still choose not to socialise with them outside of work).
Do notice minute details, and point out incorrect things. Sensitive to loud noise, and struggle to concentrate with to much noise.
As a child I had friends, did role play, had an imagination, knew to take turns, made eye contact, was early to talk, walk, no issues with development, didn't have obsessions or collect things, didn't have any repetitive movements. Played sports. I did take things literally.
As a teenager I experienced some bullying, and hid in the bathrooms at recess ro avoid further bullying, and the thought of trying to join another friendship group was to much. Then moved countries, had the best of times, socialised, had friends.
Went to Uni. Ended up exercising 6 plus hours a day, stopped going to social nights out, abandoned swim club in favour of solitary exercise. I felt put of place, and socially awkward.
Since uni have zero social life, no close friends since high school, suffer greatly from depression and anxiety, relied on medication, but that is no longer effective.
And now, I have the 'do I have autism?' thrown in, and it has sent me into turmoil. I didn't think I did, then read a book or two of people's personal stories, and find myself thinking, parts of their writing could be me.
Have others with poor mental health had late diagnosis of autism? Did it help you? Are there other people who got through life until 40 years old with no suggestion that they may be autism, have it suggested or thought they might have?
I was diagnosed last month a few days shy of my 39th birthday. Lockdown made me realise things because the mask came off. I had a mask that even I didn't know about. So whereas you might think things aren't fitting, potentially, if you really start asking yourself the hard questions, you might find it fits after all. I prided myself on being flexible if things came up at work or things went wrong and I had to do something else instead. When I really looked at it though, I realised I wasn't actually that flexible at all. Cue meltdown for a couple of days...
A diagnosis can help espeically at work (which is what I'm battling through now). As others have said, I have been plagued with anxiety and depression all my life, nothing worked, not meds, not CBT, not any therapy, whether NHS or private. For me a diagnosis of autism has allowed myself to reflect and be kind to myself, whereas I had a lot of blame before.
At the end of the day its your choice. I had to read through replies quickly but I would encourage you if nobody else has said it to do the AQ50, perhaps take it from there.
Best of luck
"...until 40". Lol. Try 56
Yep! And if I didn't have an acute phobic disorder (my case madical/body), I'd have gone to my grave never knowing. Actually, diagnoses of dyslexia, dyspraxia and Autism (along with ADD/ADHD, all related) are rife amongst my younger cousins. Listening to my parents talk about older relatives now departed, it's clear a lot of them had this too and never knew.
Number one: you are taking one of the three adult routes to finding out. Story normally goes either a) you have a diagnosed kid and realise you are too b) you read/hear about the lives of autistic people and realise you are too c) like us - you smack head long into an MH problem which defies conventional treatment and oooops! Ahhh! Ok, someone should have spotted that before...errr ASD
Number two: you don't have to have every trait ever known in autism to meet the criteria for being on the Spectrum, to be on the Spectrum. In the wise words of Tony Attwood "If you've met one person with Asperger's, you've met ONE person with Asperger's". We're all different. And well, you'll have to wait for your assessment and I'm not a clinical psychologist, but errrr what you are describing sounds pretty Aspie to me. Go talk to your relatives, dig out your school reports and read the bios of other autistic people...you'll probably find a ton more evidence ahead of your assessment.
Number three: Yes, Yes, Yes! Diagnosis is worth it at our age. You'll find all sorts of tricks to make your life easier, have your whole life validated and get to grips with the why of who and what you are. Embrace it! It feels good.
Number four: just know there's absolutely nothing whatever wrong with you! Autism isn't a disease to be cured or a sign of any defect in you. It's like being LGBTQ or left handed (both of which more common on the Spectrum btw), it's just a different way of being. Once you know that, you can love you, and find alternate ways to navigate the neurotupical world - or ditch the 'mask' and ignore the NT world - your choice. There are no pre-set rules. Make your own.
Number five: ...anxiety, depression? Yeah, been there. Feeling you. But those issues might suddenly look a bit different through the lense of autism. Autism isn't the cause of our suffering. Trying to live a neurodivergent life in an NT world which isn't designed for us and doesn't understand us is.
Good luck :-)
Howdy!
Diagnosed last month at 39 years old. I've been functioning on anxiety & depression for a while now and for me (everyone's different plus it's a non-linear spectrum) it has helped. Just by identifying as being on the spectrum 6 months ago helped. I got so stuck with trying to stay afloat and the energy this zapped out of me, then asking questions about myself was such a big start regardless of whether it was ASD or not.
It's a daunting yet exciting exploration. Touche, knowledge is power. Also, understanding that for me anxiety is something I have to learn to navigate rather than solve has made me less anxious! Humans are odd :D
I’m still going over stuff, and it’s been a while since I realised. New situations pop in to my head every day, it’s crazy! There’s a long road to go down, but it’s worthwhile to find out how you work.
I had (have?) poor mental health for most of my life. Antidepressants on the one occasion I used them did help, as I was no longer suicidal, however, they didn’t do much for everything else. Some of my episodes of depression, I’ve now identified as burn out. Antidepressants won’t help with that. This new knowledge has been explaining away a lot. I’m sure you’ll find the same.
Thanks for your reply. Knowledge is power.....I've got a lot to learn and think about.
Thanks for your reply.
I want the assessment in case it is ASD related.
I've reachd about as low as I can go, struggling alot day to day, and nothing seems to work.
I suppose if ASD was a factor, that might explain medication not working.
The whole idea is just leaving me feeling overwhelmed and confused.
My adorable nephew was diagnosed as on the spectrum at very young, so his was quite obvious. I suppose I never thought of getting to 40 years or so to be told/suggested that it might be. Quite a lot to get head round. Maybe it will help in time.
You don’t have to go through with it if you don’t feel it fits.
And, each individual ASD person is different from the next. Many people with autism have friends, or have had them, have socialised, gone to clubs, pubs and days out…. Some things inside us are so subtle we don’t even realise it. You can’t just read the usual traits and think you’ll have all of them. It doesn’t happen like that.
I’m assuming your 40? I shall be 49 soon. I realised I was autistic in 2019, although I chose not to think about it. I had been fighting to get my daughter an assessment for years. I knew I was a but awkward, with a social anxiety diagnosis, but in no way did I think I had autism. It blew my mind. After a burnout a year later after sticking my head in the sand, I started analysing the things I do. All are normal for me, but not if I’m compared to the average NT female, although I can act and look like one! I am very much Autistic. I’ve been assessed, and I’m awaiting my diagnosis. I’m hoping it will be the right one!
Well it helped me to get my diagnosis, I'm 26 now and I got diagnosed 2 years ago. The thing with the Autistic spectrum is its so vast with so many symptoms. You don't necessarily need to have all the things that you've looked up but more of a cluster of things well that's what my assessor said. But did it help, short answer yes, as all through growing up I felt different from everyone around me, like social interactions, interests and behaviour, so with that new found knowledge I read into anything about autism, knowledge is power in the end.