Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, I have been advised to have an autism assessment. It completely threw me. I have depression and anxiety which isn't responding to anything, and it was suggested to me that I might be autistic.
I then started looking into ASD, and there are some things that fit, but not all.
Terrified of social events, so I don't attend. If I don't know people I have zero confidence in approaching and starting a conversation. Yet, at work I get along with my colleagues without issues (but still choose not to socialise with them outside of work).
Do notice minute details, and point out incorrect things. Sensitive to loud noise, and struggle to concentrate with to much noise.
As a child I had friends, did role play, had an imagination, knew to take turns, made eye contact, was early to talk, walk, no issues with development, didn't have obsessions or collect things, didn't have any repetitive movements. Played sports. I did take things literally.
As a teenager I experienced some bullying, and hid in the bathrooms at recess ro avoid further bullying, and the thought of trying to join another friendship group was to much. Then moved countries, had the best of times, socialised, had friends.
Went to Uni. Ended up exercising 6 plus hours a day, stopped going to social nights out, abandoned swim club in favour of solitary exercise. I felt put of place, and socially awkward.
Since uni have zero social life, no close friends since high school, suffer greatly from depression and anxiety, relied on medication, but that is no longer effective.
And now, I have the 'do I have autism?' thrown in, and it has sent me into turmoil. I didn't think I did, then read a book or two of people's personal stories, and find myself thinking, parts of their writing could be me.
Have others with poor mental health had late diagnosis of autism? Did it help you? Are there other people who got through life until 40 years old with no suggestion that they may be autism, have it suggested or thought they might have?
I was diagnosed last month a few days shy of my 39th birthday. Lockdown made me realise things because the mask came off. I had a mask that even I didn't know about. So whereas you might think things aren't fitting, potentially, if you really start asking yourself the hard questions, you might find it fits after all. I prided myself on being flexible if things came up at work or things went wrong and I had to do something else instead. When I really looked at it though, I realised I wasn't actually that flexible at all. Cue meltdown for a couple of days...
A diagnosis can help espeically at work (which is what I'm battling through now). As others have said, I have been plagued with anxiety and depression all my life, nothing worked, not meds, not CBT, not any therapy, whether NHS or private. For me a diagnosis of autism has allowed myself to reflect and be kind to myself, whereas I had a lot of blame before.
At the end of the day its your choice. I had to read through replies quickly but I would encourage you if nobody else has said it to do the AQ50, perhaps take it from there.
Best of luck