Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone. I'm 44 years old and have never sought a diagnosis for ASD although it has been suggested to me at various point throughout my life (including by my older sister who has a son with Aspergers). I have what I describe as an "obsessive personality" - when I think of something I can't let it go until I do it or some other "shiny" thing comes along (and I definitely obsess). I don't really understand other people's emotions and have always known I was "different". I don't have friends but that's never bothered me, I'd rather be alone most of the time. It was only in recent years that I realised that I never make eye contact with people and instead watch their mouth when talking to them. I've been described as "honest to the point of tactlessness" and social situations make me very very uncomfortable.
I could keep going but that's not why I am posting. I've always just labelled myself as a "geek" and see it as a positive and I wanted to know, are there benefits to seeking a formal diagnosis at my age?
The negative side of it has always worried me - what if people look at me differently either at home or at work? It's always steered me away from finding out for sure.
Don't worry about people looking at you differently; just be careful who you tell. A formal diagnosis (at the age of 64) is helping me to predict problems and navigate life a bit more effectively, because I understand me better(!) It's also made me understand things that happened 20-30 years ago and realise that I could have done a few things differently. But it doesn't fundamentally change who you are - you're still you, no different the day after a diagnosis than you were the day before.
Hi,
I read what you wrote and it’s me! And much more too. My family never gave up helping me to get a diagnosis, all my life I have felt I talk a different language and I don’t feel heard or understood. It’s taken a long time to get my diagnosis, am pleased to say I have it now (nov 22 2021!) I turned 50 this year and for me it’s life changing just knowing that people understand me for the first time in my life. After the assessment when I was told I sobbed my heart out as I just couldn’t believe they saw the real me. The assessors could not believe how I have not been diagnosed years ago as they said it’s very clear without a shadow of a doubt I am autistic. And yes people look at me differently, I wear ear defenders outside my house as noise affects me a lot, I know I am different I am now learning to come to terms with that. I constantly worry what people think of me, and if I am daily doing the right thing… I am me and now I know why I do things I do 100% it’s because I am autistic and this is a huge breakthrough knowing this. I guess knowing brings different things for different people. Before knowing I felt in limbo as I knew I was different. Do what’s right for you.
I am 50 and awaiting diagnosis. If you do get diagnosed you don't have to share it, I will only share mine with close friends/family. I went to my GP in Jan 20 and wish I had done so before. Then followed 18 months of varying levels of hell and it broke me, still not out the other side. If I had been diagnosed and knew what my issues were I think I could have coped better with by breakdown. I would go down the route but think out how much you want to share?
Hello Jack. A diagnosis helped me more than I ever thought it would. It gave me peace and understanding.
Jobs can be tasking but you don't have to tell anybody about it if you don't want to. I never did.
Hi Jack
I have just been diagnosed and I didn't expect anything but I actually feel more at peace with myself since my diagnosis. My family have so been more understanding and they say that it has really helped them to understand me and we have been getting along a lot better. We have always been close, but they use to get frustrated with me a lot and now they don't.
I have faced both discrimination in a new job and I have also had my diagnosis benefit me in another new job. It depends of the people and the situation. But as the other person said, you don't have to tell anybody if you don't want to.
I think there is a good thing to bear in mind with older age too. I think it's still the case that 1 in 3 people will develop dementia. If you can no longer adjust the world for yourself and nobody knows you are autistic, would others know you are autistic to support you?
Not fun to think about but I think it probably affects a lot of people without them even knowing, and hospitals and care homes are often the least autism-friendly settings.
I think you need to decide for yourself whether a diagnosis will benefit you. It doesn’t matter what age you are. When I had my first consultation, I said I’m probably too old to bother (48), to which the psychologist said he was currently assessing a gentleman in his late 70’s!
Whether you use the NHS or go private, the choice is yours. The results are for you, and you don’t need to share them unless you wish to request some adjustments at work for example, or if you decided to apply for benefits.
I am 32 and was diagnosed this year. The benefits of diagnosis for me, and only me, is the confirmation that I'm not just weird, awkward, stubborn, or lazy. Or any other negative word that could describe some of the traits of autism.
The benefits of my diagnosis for other people are a bit less apparent to me. Employers are forced to support me as a disabled staff member but this has so far resulted in sometimes feeling patronised or disregarded in terms of capability.
My family understand me better now but my husband still gets annoyed at me, particularly my insistence on telling him the rules about things: mainly telling him the highway code in the car.
One positive is that you can get a diagnosis for your own knowledge but you don't actually have to share it with anyone if you don't want to. My assessor actually made a point of telling me this after she gave me my diagnosis. She said it is a personal decision.