Melanie Sykes have just been diagnosed with autism

Are you basing this on her job? 

Based on stereotypes of autism, I shouldn't be able to do my job either, as my job requires a lot of empathy and people skills. Something Melanie said on Loose Women really resonated with me actually, when she said people are her interest. I've said this many times that people are a fixation for me, especially meeting people (I get bored once I know them well).

If you question her diagnosis then you are questioning a lot of us. My difficulties are often very internalised, nobody ever sees my struggles until I'm approaching meltdown or shutdown. Even that is usually private at home. 

Referring to people as high or low functioning is pretty outdated too these days. Even "high functioning" autistic people have support needs. Just because you cannot relate them to your non-verbal child doesn't mean that they don't exist. 

She does! That appearance on the talk show was good. it was an Irish chat show, it's on youtube somewhere. 

she has 2 programmes on Netflix 

There's a great comedian called Hannah Gadsby. She is diagnosed autistic. Maybe check her out. One of her interviews on a talk show I seem to remember she discusses how she is fine with being on stage because she is in control. This is also true to a certain extent of myself as a tutor. I know my role. Conversations are on my terms and usually functional. 

I feel compelled to reply and attempt to explain why your comments are causing so much upset - I read this thread last night and was also upset by it and the assumptions being made.  This is not an attack - this is me attempting to address points you have raised.

• 'many of the difficulties you are describing are challenges I can easily relate to, maybe even more so.' - yes, lots of people have problems with different things, what differs is that those are often caused by the autism in people who are autistic and are accompanied with a myriad of other 'symptoms' (I don't like that word in this context) that have been present since a child. By stating this - you are trivialising other people's experiences and it reads like you are saying 'yes you struggle with communication, so do lots of people - it doesn't mean we're all autistic' - no it doesn't, but it is a feature along with other symptoms.
• 'understand how her diagnosis is logically possible’ - and neither should you. You do not know her personally - you know the person she presents on camera. You have no idea what goes on behind the scenes. Many people who are autistic can communicate effectively - this is only one of the 'symptoms' and some people have strengths in some areas, and weaknesses in others.  It does not make them 'more' or 'less' autistic. This is a misunderstanding on your part, and perhaps you need to start seeing this from a wider angle.  For example, once a year I have to present to a room of approx 300 people (yes I am diagnosed - no I did not seek it, I saw a new psychiatrist who immediately said it was blatantly obvious) - in this meeting you wouldn't think I was 'autistic' because I am putting on a show, I can interact, communicate, look at people etc.  But it is absolute hell, and when it's over I tend to be sat on the floor of a hotel room banging my head against the wall because I've kept everything so tightly controlled that I cannot cope anymore, I even tried to kill myself after one of these.  But those people in the meeting do not know that.  I'm not saying this is what happens to others, or Melanie Sykes - but what you see presented for a few minutes, is not necessarily the person.  
  Her diagnosis is possible because she has been assessed by qualified assessors who know what they are doing.
• 'Melanie Sykes does not require anywhere near the level of support that my son does. She may well require support and I hope she get it, along with anyone with autism, but there needs to be perspective.' I do not believe anyone has every said that there should not be perspective. But why does this mean that she should not talk about it? Does this mean that those of us who struggle silently do not have a right to be heard because we do not need constant support?  I don't leave the house other than for occasional work meetings - I don't go shopping, I don't see anyone - maybe I need support? I have to have someone else with me if people come to the house etc.  Where do I fit in this perspective? Do I not deserve anything because I can speak?  It is all about perspective - but by (I'll use the word again) trivialising people's experiences and needs - you are appearing quite rude. I'm sure you do not mean to - but you are.
• 'Does someone who has establised a career, a social life, family life really require as much finding as a child who cannot speak, does not respond to his name, self harms and may never live an independent life, may never get married , may never get a job or ever even have friends? Or should we just accept autism is just a quirk of nature, requiring no support or the same support based on subjective self diagnostic criteria?'
  Autism as a quirk of nature - you may want to rethinking this sentence, referring to something as a 'quirk' when it can cause debilitating problems seems entirely inappropriate.
  I can speak, respond to my name, but I self-harm, I need help to live independently, I'll never get married, but I have a job, and 1 friend.  So where do I fit in your 'require as much funding' - you are again suggesting that only people who have those autistic characteristics requires help.  Yes your sun should have help, but so should many, many others who may have problems as severe as him, or less severe, or more severe in other areas, and not in others.  Why are they not deserving of help?
  I think suggesting the diagnostic criteria as being 'subjective' is dangerous territory - people get a diagnosis through a process which is often challenging and lengthy - by professionals who are qualified to do this.  Full stop.  It is not for someone non-specialised in this area to suggest that the diagnosis processes are inappropriate, or subjective.
• 'But its one thing to say ASD can be subtle/almost an invisible disability, and quite another to have the polar opposite characteristics of ASD, and still say this is autism.' Why? Why can two people who are autistic not be different.  If two people are slightly different, then a third person is slightly different again - and you keep going and you start to get people who are very different from those at the start.  That's like saying, well people who only have stage 1 cancer can't really say they have cancer as it's subtle/invisible disability. 
• I have said I do not understand MS diagnosis.' - it is not for you to understand or not, because you do not know the person. If someone appeared on tv and said they were bipolar - would you say that you don't understand that when you've only seen them for a few minutes on screen?

Sorry I've run out of steam. 

There is also:

The Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale-Revised (RAADS-R): A Scale to Assist the Diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder in Adults: An Internation Validation Study

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3134766/

And:

Thanks again. Very much appreciated :-)

But it raises my original point; how robust is the diagnostic process?

Diagnostic tools ~ a guide for all audiences

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/diagnostic-tools/all-audiences

Preliminary tests for assessment referrals

https://www.autismresearchcentre.com/tests/

"For your information as well, an outcome of an autism assessment can be to have autistic traits but to not meet the full criteria sufficiently. My friend's son had this result from their assessment." 

That's the sort of information I am hoping people will share. I find this helpful and again thank you for sharing useful information. 

Why do I need to have experience of adult assesment process to ask a question of how in works? I also dont have COVID but I find it useful to know the assessment process of how it is diagnosed. For two reasons, one out of general interest because of how prevalent it is and two, how I would go about getting such an assessment if I was worried I had this condition. 

There you go again 'extremely unpleasan to speak to". You seem to base this purely on the fact you are offended by me daring to share my genuine doubts over the diagnostic process. I could see your point if I had stated everyting as fact but I put it as a question, I welcomed dialogue and most importantly was open to learn from others. Troll by denfinition means to deliberately antogonise people. It is your opinion that is my intention. It is not, so calling me a troll is an insult because I am not trying to upset people. If I was, you would know all about it! I have deliberately tried to remain measured, appreciative to comments, even when others sresort to name calling etc. 

In terms of my sons diagnosis, yeah ofcourse, I would not like it if someone casting doubt over his diagnosis. I have already experienced this. And I'll tell you something else for free, before I realised my son had issues, I thought his behaviour was something to do with us as parents. I felt a complete failure. In some ways it was a relief to realise he had a condition that needed extra support. It's been a steep learing process for all of us, and there will always be more to learn. It is for that exact reason I am asking questions about the diagnostic process for adults. MS was the trigger on here for me to respond. I dont get her diagnosis. Its not the same as my son, because he is very very obvious. So, its all about learning by asking probing questions. If you dont understand, do not you ask people? You could argue as someone else did that its not the right place. Ok, maybe. But why am I asking, and what am I looking for? I can honestly say, it is not to antagonise you or anyone else. I dont understand why someone like MS (with seemingly exceptional social/communication skills) is able to get a diagnosis. It raises all sorts of questions in my mind. Some people have been helpful on here by pointing towards resources on "masking". You have just confirmed that "autistic traits" is also an actual thing. And there are other useful replies that have helped me learn more. But at no point have I criticised anyone, called anyone mean names etc. There is no need for that. You do not know me. Anyway, I will leave it at that. Once again, sorry to upset you or anyone else. I wish you all the best , and I mean that genuinely, even if you dont believe me ;-)

I have not stated anything as fact. I have openly said I am here to learn. I have openly said I come from a biased and limited perspective. I do appreciate that is is a sensative subject and I can see how some people may think I am trying to provoke a reaction. I really honestly do not want to upset anyone!!! Maybe you are right that it is not the best place to have this conversation. Point taken. But I have already learned a great deal from taking on some of the information people have shared with me here. I am happy to admit if I have incorrectly assumed something and get something wrong. I do not know the answers. But they only way to help with that is to share your own knowledge with me. Counter any assumptions you think I have made. But you have not done that, you have just came on and said you find my questioning offensive and should take them elsewhere. I was suggest essentiall telling me to shut up and bugger of is more offensive than me sharing my doubts over the diagnostic process, especially when I have not stated anything as fact. If you read carefully, I am actually in some ways looking for reassurance that the diagnostic process is actually more robust than I fear it is. I am open to listening to what you or anyone has to say. I am genuinely looking for answers, not to offend and not to argue. Please believe me :-)

Why do you say I have been impolite or direspectful? Are you just basing this on me casting doubt over the diagnostic process, or is it because I have said I do not understand MS diagnosis? Either way, I asked if anyone could help me understand the process better. I certainly will be speaking to professionals but I felt it was very important to get an idea of peoples lived experience. I was aware that it may be on the knuckle as you say, and I am sorry to upset anyone but I need ask this question. I think it is useful for the autistic community to have these conversations. If you shut down every question that offends people, noone will learning anything from each other. I value what experience and knowledge you may wish to genuinely share with me. If you just come on and say I dont like what you asked, take your question elsewhere, its not healthy for anyone. Clearly it is sensative subject but it is not in anyway meant to be personal to anyone. Not everyone has repsonded to me in the same way. Some people have been very helpful. But I appreciate it is a sensative subject. Sorry again if I have upset you :-)

ConsciousBadger suggested you debate the elements of the diagnostic criteria with the people who do the assessments, not the people being diagnosed. 

You also said yourself that you haven't been diagnosed, therefore whether you self identify or not (which you also said you dont), you haven't experienced adult assessment. 

For your information as well, an outcome of an autism assessment can be to have autistic traits but to not meet the full criteria sufficiently. My friend's son had this result from their assessment. 

I just find you extremely unpleasant to speak to. I do not use "troll" as an insult but as an observation of your contribution to this forum. To say you don't understand something therefore you doubt the validity of something that is so personal to people is rude and insensitive. No doubt you wouldn't respect the same approach to your son's diagnosis. 

Your individual diagnosis is not up for debate, I completely agree! The diagnostic process is already and has been for some time a matter of debate. Whether you like it or not, it is not a debate that will go away. Stop taking things personally. Do you mind if I ask a personal question, do you have a daignosis?

How do you know I am not a doctor? How do you know I am not autistic?

I did not question your diagnosis. Please point to where exactly I questioned your personal diagnosis? How am I debating with the people who diagnose others? Noone has responded to me and said , yeah I daignose people and I have in turn slated them. I have given rise to questions over the diagnostic process. I have not questioned yours or anyone on heres individual diagnosis. I have said I do not understand MS diagnosis. I have not said MS is not autistic. I have asked how it is possible based on what I know. I have asked people to share their understanding and have thanked everyone who has provided information to help me. When you dont like the line of questioning, your response is to shut it down or resort to insults such calling me a "troll". 

Wait until you find out there are autistic doctors too. You are going to combust with the confusion.

Our diagnosis isn't really up for debate though. Debate is a two way process and I certainly don't want to be drawn into a debate about whether I am or aren't actually autistic. For many people on this forum, it took 2+ years to wait for their assessment and diagnosis. 

To claim to be offended because someone has suggested to debate with the people who diagnose others is outright ridiculous. No wonder I think you are a troll. You are behaving like one! 

No problem :) I am a complete mess now emotionally and the mind fog i awaklad fget iws now comign down so i ned to step awya.

Thank you for being supportive and putting this more eloquently than I was able to. 

It really isn't the place to be questioning the validity of the diagnosis we have received, certainly not by someone who has never been through that experience themselves or has any awareness of adult assessment. 

I am certainly not saying get off this forum. Please re-read what I have said.

Nor am I questioning your motives. I am suggesting that based on your stated motives you will surely learn more from speaking to experts in the profession. You might learn something from speaking to some people who live and suffer with ASD but surely you can see that the line of your questioning is a bit on the knuckle and - as clearly shown on this thread - liable to insult and offend unless done very carefully. The proof is in the pudding on this one because you have upset people.

I disagree that you have been polite and respectful on this thread.

How exactly have I insulted you?

Very helpful. Many thanks :-)

Very helpful. Many thanks :-)

May I ask out of interest why it would cross your mind (ie "how can you tell")? Just curious.

I also think that diagnostic criteria are evolving butI know there has to be some sort of "cut off". I scored just above the cut off on my assessment. With some people, it may seem that they have more obvious difficulties but many years ago they might not have even got a diagnosis. So I think things are evolving all the time.

I do think as more people explore information which is available and so start talking about their own experiences,  this goes to redefining what autism means. For example,  when I started reading about autism and aspergers for myself I discounted it in the first instance because I couldn't relate to it. It was about stereotypical male behaviour and from official sources like the nhs. But then as I started reading more (a mixture of first hand experiences and also that of qualified people) it began to make more sense. As I talk about my own experiences this may feed into how other people relate to it too. 

Edit - I think I'm trying to say there may be common shared experiences of people with autism which are not in "official" material but it's only since we have more access to sharing information that these are brought to the open more.

On the other hand, I do wonder sometimes if what people describe can be attributed to autism or if it's something else like personality. And then these things get thrown into the unofficial mix of autism. I would say there's plenty I cannot relate to but a lot i can. 

I have thought about this before going off on so many branches in my head. I don't know if I have explained correctly what I mean and its certainly not a personal attack on anyone autistic or not. 

Brill, that's the one! I like how she says we have got to learn each others' language. Her hair looked like a freshly windswept cat! 

She does! That appearance on the talk show was good. it was an Irish chat show, it's on youtube somewhere. 

she has 2 programmes on Netflix 

There's a great comedian called Hannah Gadsby. She is diagnosed autistic. Maybe check her out. One of her interviews on a talk show I seem to remember she discusses how she is fine with being on stage because she is in control. This is also true to a certain extent of myself as a tutor. I know my role. Conversations are on my terms and usually functional.