Ashamed/coming to terms with my diagnosis

JuniperFromGallifrey said:

I decided to Steal Time every now and then, engage my senses, learn little things about me that are amazing and focus on them.

I would point out to that bit, and suggest that all of you experiment until you discover what your senses can do,

I wonder if I can offer another perspective.

A 'dirty little secret' became a thing because Freud identified this Complex that keeps NTs civilised and called it the Oedipus complex. Neurotic (NT) individuals aren't always aware they have literally been encoded to believe they are in debt to one another due to being guilty of something and live life with this subliminal feeling of shame: you want to kill your father and sleep with your mother. Classic.

If you think about it long enough, you might not feel ashamed. We could feel unwanted, rejected to marginalised, but do you really feel ashamed? Or do you feel like you want to connect but don't know how and that you have something valuable to give. Maybe lost... I've found It's important to find the right identification or not misdiagnose how I'm feeling and why.

Technically we don't owe anyone medical or private or personal information about ourselves. And I'd suggest to guard it. Just like you don't owe any one free automatic Trust. Trust is earned. My private information and a moment of engaging with my vulnerable 'real' self is Expensive. To put it bluntly: Data is exploitive and Corporations want it more than your money. (how often is your time unpaid for while you freely give a corporation your opinion about their service? This used to be something they'd pay 6 digits for and now they manage to get NTs to actually believe their opinion is important to collect Free Data!!)

The other thing is, it's important to invest in a few people in life who can share our journey, who feel like we believe they're worth while. These few people are good ones to then share deeper thoughts with or express depression to so they can help us through and we can help them. 

You're absolutely amazing the way you are! Before I understood autism I decided to Steal Time every now and then, engage my senses, learn little things about me that are amazing and focus on them. We all have them. Just become your best you. Use the term NeuroDivergent in the meantime. Everyone has their own things to navigate. Just find one person you feel is worth confiding in. Someone who's earned your trust. If you've not found them yet, then allow the right person to earn it. x

HI there is nothing to be ashamed of for me it means you or we all have a great in site to how we are, how our brains work, how we look at the world and react to it. this is far moor than most NT people will ever have. AS my autistic GP autistic  said to me it is her supper power and helps her do her job better. Just take you time and trust your self and tell people when you are ready. 

I think you have to be comfortable with yourself and particularly yourself as an autistic person, before you can tell other people. Otherwise you end up almost apologising to people for being you, which isn’t right and they will treat you accordingly.

There are a number of really positive people on YouTube, talking about their positive experience with autism. I like yo Samdy Sam and Aspergers from the inside. There are also quite a few big names celebrities who are diagnosed. Notably Anthony Hopkins, in his 70’s.

I guess what I’m suggesting is fill yourself with the positive aspects of diagnosis and then tell people how cool it can be.

Thank you all for your replies. It’s been a month since I received my report and I’ve been thinking about it a lot, slowly trying to accept myself, find my strengths and weaknesses/areas I need help with. It’s a process but I’m hopeful and more positive. It’s going to be fine and I’m going to be fine. 

I understand your hesitancy, but in my experience, the people I choose to spend my time with either already knew that I was neuro-divergent or it just didn't matter to them. They liked me because I was me. Just like people around you, like you for being you.

Try to think of it not as a label, but more of a part of your persona that has always been dimly illuminated... it's always been there, but now it's just clearer to read.

Don't be ashamed of it, all it means is that you're wired differently to other people, thats all

It doesn't change you.

Just like it doesn't change my wonderful son, he is just the most amazing person and he amazes me every day. However despite his bubbly smiley face and I feel he's happy when reading about emotions ( he's 4 years non verbal) the only page he the wants to look at monster who's  colour black for fear.  Despite what I do he feels scared. As a mum how can I help him not feel scared?.

Maybe look at it like playing poker, everyone doesn't want anyone else to know their cards,  most people wouldn't talk about their most infinite feelings or thoughts, they try to hide it and they stress themselves out because of it. 

Just remember we all have these feelings, the more I learn about autism I truly believe I am too and past  behaviours I have really relate and experiences I've struggled with.

All I can say is embrace it, embrace help or assistance, think about what you what to do to make you happy? 

Since I found out I was autistic, it took me 1 day to tell my wife, 4 months to tell my parents, 9 months to tell my best friend and I have just told two other friends 

Going to wait for my official diagnosis to come out to my boss and workmates, that will be scary!

Once I self-diagnosed, I told my best & oldest friend, my immediate family and my sister-in-laws family (who I see a lot).

Now I have been officially diagnosed I intend to tell my only other close friend next time we video-call.

I will probably also tell my 2 ex-colleague/drinking buddies if we ever get to meet face-to-face again.

Otherwise I am not going to hide it, but I'm also not going to broadcast it to all and sundry... not because of shame, but because  I don't want to be taken advantage of.

That being said, on the day of my assessment I proudly went out in my birthday present...

Ladybird,

Autism is nothing to be ashamed of, there’s positive things about autism as well as all the difficulties with the world designed in a way unsuitable for not just autistic, but all people classified as disabled. Our world is inherently ableist, autistic people can be perceived as “differently-abled” people as we have abilities nonexistent in non-autistic people because of the variation in our neurological development. 

It helps to look at the positive aspects instead of dwelling on difficulties and put the positive aspects to use. Autistic brains are bottom to top thinkers with an enhanced consistency in logical, analytical and detailed thinking while non-autistic people lack all of that because non-autistic brains are top to bottom thinkers and have the tendency to ignore the details.

In autism, they tends to be an up for every down, autism can be described as both a blessing and a curse depending on the situation or task.

Hey Ladybird, I just read your message and I just wanted to say I totally understand. I am exactly the same as you. Im still waiting for my official diagnoiss but when I found out I was autistic it was so hard to accept. Like you Ive always struggled with depression and I thought it was just a phase that would eventually pass. Finding out it wasnt and that I was actually autistic and it was for life is something I have struggled so hard to accept and I dont know who to tell

I just want you to know that you are not alone and that you are worth accepting. You have nothing to be ashamed of, you were made this way and none of it is your fault. Autism is not a dirty secret, all us autistic people are unique and amazing in our own individual way and if the rest of the world was like us it would be a nicer place! Its not a dirty secret, its something to be proud of because you finally know who you are and thats what matters

Tell the people you trust and the rest of them arnt worth telling if you dont want to