Published on 12, July, 2020
I have a real problem with noise at my flat. Before now, noise was not a massive issue, although I have always been fairly sensitive. But the noise is now relentless, particularly because it occurs at NIGHT TIME when I am trying to sleep!!!!!!!. Car noise is constant, and makes me startle and awaken at the smallest sound of an engine. The neighbour plays music that is too loud, and has night-time arguments. Meanwhile, my parents house is peaceful at night - no noise at all. I feel as though I have made a mistake in moving out, because of the noise, but can't tell my parents this because they would be devastated, and would tell me that there is no going back. I could not bear the stress of telling them how I feel. I spend weekends with them, and last night I fell asleep only a few minutes after hitting the pillow, which is rare for me. This shows how tired I must have been. I still feel tired, and have just one more night with them before another sleepless week. I am already anxious, and worry that the long term effects of noise will wreck my health. Why should I have to put up with it???. I hate this noisy world sometimes. I wish the flat was as quiet as home, my home, my parents house, that will always be my true refuge -ie a proper house, not some noisy flat/apartment. I feel angry, upset and homesick.
What is more, this is all my fault because I instigated the move in the name of independence. I know I would have to probably move out sooner or later, but my parents home will always be home for me. I just want to move back, but know that I can't. I did not expect constant noise when before now night time was dead quiet!.
Well done for being pro active. Keep us posted on your progress.
Being able to stay at your parents sounds really valuable. I do understand the real importance of you having your own place and independence too though. I always wanted my independence from my parents but find aspects of my adult life a real challenge.
Thanks Jon. I feel less alone reading that. Thankfully I have an understanding support worker, and I have emailed Housing. Waiting for them to get back to me. Thinking about visiting Citizen's Advice with my support worker. I feel afraid of creating confrontation with my neighbour, which has so far prevented me from taking action.
I have been feeling really tired today, after another disturbed night. It did not take me too long to get to sleep, but I was woken up at around half past 5 by my neighbour speaking loudly to someone through her window. I heard this again at half past 7, waking me up again, so there was no chance to catch up with lost sleep. Looking forward to the weekend at my parents because I spend the week sleep deprived.
Hi Hope.
I have had melt downs with noise from neighbours. My chest gets tesnse and my mind goes blind. I can't slepp or do anything.
You are right, the earplugs are uncomfortable and not always practical. I use ear defenders and isolating headphones (impossible to sleep in). I think it is unfair that I take all the measures to be quiet and considerate. I think it gives the impression that the noise is not a problem.
Do you have someone to advocate for you? Someone to speak 'nicely' to the neighbours? After that maybe approach the Housing Assosiation. Go wiyth all guns blazing. Go with someone to advocate for you. Take any medical evidence too from a doctor etc. make them see that it is THEIR repsonsibility. I am sure they will not have any imediate soultion but it mightg get the ball rolling. Either move you or sort the neighbours out. This could be scary as the neighbours might be intimidating if you complain. Also try to resist slamming doors etc as they will say you are noisey too (it does feel better though ;-)).
Noise intrusion for me too is a massive issue. I get bothered even if it is minor and caused by my girlfriend in the house. That is manageable though and far less stressful. I can rationalize and work that out.
I live in a mid-terrace that we own (mortgaged :-( ) and we now want to sell it and move. That is major and seems overwhelming. I am depressed and just not coping anyhow and am off work sick. But...... I did a bit of DIY today as a step closer to getting the house ready to sell......even if we do we have to find somewhere else (better) to live and probably a new job. Just the thought seems too much.
Anyhow good luck.
Well, one good that comes out of snow is less noise, from cars and people!.
Thanks, Jon, for showing me I am not alone. I think that it takes one to know one, if you know what I mean. People without Aspergers often don't fully understand, although some very empathetic people at least try. I am in Social Housing, run by a Housing Association. Housing is in very short supply, so I count myself fortunate in this respect. Ironically, however, I moved out of my parents house partly to avoid their noise, and to have some space, but I did not predict that a flat would be far noisier at night-time than my parent's place.
Stuffed, I have considered ear-plugs, but do not consider them to be a long term solution. They are expensive, and can cause ear wax compaction, resulting in ear ache. I would rather find a non invasive solution to the problem. I have tried 'white' noise via You Tube, to block out the noise, but this noise ends up being distracting if is played at night time.
The Imp of the Pe: I stay at my parents three nights of the week anyway, and I need time with them in order to recuperate. The tenancy agreement stipulates that I should spend the majority of nights at my flat, which I do, by just one night!. I spend 4 nights at the flat, 3 with my parents. The tenancy agreement also states that noise should be kept to an absolute minimum after 11pm and before 9am. I keep the agreement, the neighbour does not. Last time she created noise after 11pm, I was banging the walls and slamming doors because I was so angry. I wanted her to realize she was disturbing me. I was trying to sleep, and had put up with a whole hour of noise. I could not take any more, and banging the walls was the only way I could vent my frustration. I felt like screaming.
Hi Hope,
Why can't you move back in with your parents?
I too am very sensitive to noise and can relate to your circumstance.
The noise issue is something that may bother NT's also but it is particularly problematic because of your Apspergers. Are you in a Housing Association flat? In the same way soemone in a wheelchair may require special housing so may you. I know this is easier said than done and making it a reality will be very hard.
Good luck,
and for what its worth believe me when I say I know how you feel.
Hope,
I have found in all my problems areas that having a potential solution is nearly as good as the solution.
Basically ask your support experts for a solution, try it out and if it does not work go back to them and tell them so.
That way you do not feel so alone, are not carrying the problem on your own shoulders and scrapping in the dirt for a solution.
Let the experts in Autism advise and assist you.
WHERE ARE YOU NAS ? Forgot they only pretend to be a care service ? But we can send you information prescription or list of strangers names, acting as some sort of agency to a collective gang ????? COME ON NAS ! work with the real people, with real problems and give them real solutions, not word service,, talk so cheap, maybe not for the NAS, probably works out at £10,000 a word for the taxpayer.
The Imp of the Perverse writes...
Hope. I don't think you ever said whether your flat is council-owned, housing association or a simple private rental but all of these ownership types should have options where you can talk to someone so that you can at least deal with the neighbour issue. I'm sure if you and a 'friend' were arguing at night these people would find a way to let you know such noise wasn't on. I would imagine that, by now, you are so stressed that you might not even be thinking correctly about what to do.
Having said this...your flat is not your prison. You don't have to serve what might seem like a life sentence in it. You're allowed to make a mistake or two before you find the right place. Judging from what you've already said you've proved you can be independent but it might just be you need a few attempts at it before making the right choice. So you might need to explain to your parents that it really isn't an independence issue but a fairly normal one where a sensitive person lives next to insensitive people. Perhaps you could even stay at your parents' for three or four days a week until you get some perspective on your situation before trying to change it. So it really isn't all just about you but a fairly understandable response to some very trying people. Don't beat yourself up about it. Your flat might seem like a rites of passage situation but perhaps it isn't just yet.
Having said all this...if you can stand it, earplugs are definitely worth trying as well!
Have you tried a radio for instance? or ear plugs.
I'm not keen on suggesting medication such as sleeping tablets, but you could try self hypnosis as a safe way to relax you.
it can be as simple as getting comfortable with closed eyes, regular breathing and imagining say a deserted beach and focusing on regular breaking of waves or clouds in a sky.
the idea is to put aside the hectic day and focus on some me time and clear your mind of distractions.