Published on 12, July, 2020
Just wondering if anyone has ever been in a similar situation? I still live at home with my mum and the past few years have become increasingly difficult for her to keep the family home going especially considering I can't contribute as I am one of the 78% of unemployed people with autism. Anyway she was sadly forced into selling and today we finally moved. I left behind the only home I have ever known (we lived abroad for about 5 years when I was very young but kept the house and rented it out). I've really been dreading it all happening and kind of hoped in some distant fairytale land that some how it wouldn't happen. But now it has and I've struggled so much today. I've been crying every few minutes and I am NOT a crier. Ever. I'm just really really struggling with it all. I'm guessing my ASD and the whole resistance to change thing is playing a part here but I feel like such a wally. People move house all the time and its really not a big deal. I know my friends and family are there for me but I don't feel like I can really talk to them about how much I hate this because there are so many very much worse things in the world. Don't get me wrong, I fully understand, especially given the last year, that things could be a lot worse and I am very grateful for what I do have. I also know that in time it will get easier and I just need to get used to it all but at the moment I'm struggling to see past it all. I spent the majority of my 30 years in that house with the same neighbours, the same everything. And because mum was forced into selling she had to find somewhere quick so our new house is far from ideal and neither of us are particularly excited by the prospect.
Has anyone else ever struggled with having to move house?
I understand how you feel.
I have moved house several times and I hate it.
Everytime has had some unpleasant experiences that I cannot forget.
I only began to feel at home in the new place after several…
There are a load of memories that a major transition like this will unearth and from appearances, they 'feel' attached to a location & things. I would expect anyone to feel a type of trauma associated…
I only began to feel at home in the new place after several years when I did the redecorating myself. Up to then it felt strange and alien.
Another hint is, take time to explore the surrounding area in the new place so you don't feel lost. Get to know the street names, the parks, all the short cuts, the shops. Eventually it gets to feel familiar.
There are a load of memories that a major transition like this will unearth and from appearances, they 'feel' attached to a location & things. I would expect anyone to feel a type of trauma associated with this kind of change. Best to allow yourself to go through it: cry through it & cry it out - this is a biological function of grieving and it's important to allow this to happen. Time is a resource that is scarce and it is Time you have invested in that environment. It will always feel like a home.
It's important to not dismiss yourself just now. You do not have to live someone else's life, you must live yours. And in context, our experiences are unique, they are not comparable or a matter of competition.
When you're ready, perhaps you can find ways of inventing a new environment, maybe something you never thought of. Maybe you could explore new colours or a new light shade. Everything has it's advantage. I used to write in notebooks through all the change and transitions I was forced to go through. Self-help books are written for NTs on this, it is human and animal and instinct to burrow into a dwelling and... dwell :)
I missed my granpa's house only. Good part of my chaildhood I spent there. And granpa treated me like a human, not a weirdo, that has to be reminded to act normal,
We moved to the city 7km away where my parents bought a flat in a block of flats when I was 7. and then started the horror part of my childhood, that lasted until I left when I was 19,
Since then I moved from one place to another over 20 times. Nowhere felt like home. Hopefully my current one will start to feel like it one day, I am tired of moving, Big minivan isn't big enough for all stuff i have now.
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are u autistic ?
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Hello, NAS69281! I know how you feel. The moving process to another place was hard for me, I had been crying for weeks, and the people around were freaking me out.
I absolutely hate moving house. I hate clearing up, decluttering etc. It's so scary. I once moved house 5 times in 2 years due to circumstances so the next move I stayed here 20 years so I didn't have to move again.
i see this is an old thread but this might help anyone moving house:
i completely get you. i moved house in october and it was incredibly difficult as i hate changes which is a common thing for people on the spectrum.
i was very low and i'm still stuck in a relapse because of it all. this happened last time i moved house as well except the difference was that i actually loved this house we just moved from in october. it was where we had lockdown and so i started going on walks in my area (which i never stopped) and i loved the area and it was something which relaxed me esp with my chaotic emotions and constant mental health crises. throughout that time, i slowly got better as i started therapy etc etc but because it was where i had went through a lot and really started healing from past trauma, i really didn't want to move house. i still miss it a lot now. i now live with more people and i rarely get peace because everyone talks so much and it can feel so overwhelming.
some things which i did that helped:
- just being kind with myself. i tried to push myself to be productive etc at first but that's not good. accept that it's hard and validate your feelings. this isn't stupid- it's a big change which esp people on the spectrum find hard
- i found a new route in my area for walking (sure i had lots in my old area and didn't even have set ones by the end because i knew every loop possible) which feels comforting i guess
- listening to music
basically find a way to release your emotions
No but I have moved out before I spent a year in one are and a year in another unfortunately it didn't work out as I couldn't get along with my falt mats so ended up moving back home with my family. One thing I would advice is don't move in with another NT most aren't that conciderate to our understandings I tried living independently for 2 years all together but didn't work out. I strugeled with basic tasks like washing machines and bills and stuff I also hate moving house as I'm terrible at finding my way around new surroundings like directions for example or finding your way to work etc or to a bar etc I get lost pretty easily which I don't like then that's more anxity added to my problems