Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone,
Just wondering if anyone has ever been in a similar situation? I still live at home with my mum and the past few years have become increasingly difficult for her to keep the family home going especially considering I can't contribute as I am one of the 78% of unemployed people with autism. Anyway she was sadly forced into selling and today we finally moved. I left behind the only home I have ever known (we lived abroad for about 5 years when I was very young but kept the house and rented it out). I've really been dreading it all happening and kind of hoped in some distant fairytale land that some how it wouldn't happen. But now it has and I've struggled so much today. I've been crying every few minutes and I am NOT a crier. Ever. I'm just really really struggling with it all. I'm guessing my ASD and the whole resistance to change thing is playing a part here but I feel like such a wally. People move house all the time and its really not a big deal. I know my friends and family are there for me but I don't feel like I can really talk to them about how much I hate this because there are so many very much worse things in the world. Don't get me wrong, I fully understand, especially given the last year, that things could be a lot worse and I am very grateful for what I do have. I also know that in time it will get easier and I just need to get used to it all but at the moment I'm struggling to see past it all. I spent the majority of my 30 years in that house with the same neighbours, the same everything. And because mum was forced into selling she had to find somewhere quick so our new house is far from ideal and neither of us are particularly excited by the prospect.
Has anyone else ever struggled with having to move house?
Sophie
Don't deny your emotions they are real and they are valid. Moving isn't just a new place it is the change of your routines, habits that keep your senses and nervous system calm.
I have moved 10 times in 12 years, for work predominantly, and am on the cusp of another significant move if it all happens. It never gets easier but there are things you can do to help.
Once in your new home make a real effort to make it homeley. Your mum will likely be needing this sort of help to, so do it together perhaps? Will be therapeutic.
Then, establish your new habits from where you live to the places you used to go. This is very important. It will take some weeks, but once you know which buses or trains to take, where your favourite shops are in relation to your house and where places of calm are (park, forest, beach, public gardens). Then accommodate your favourite interests, where are those catered for?.
Once you start recognizing your new map of routines, you will realise there is nothing to fear. Moving towards the things that scare you, by choice, will naturally lessen the fear. Hide from them and they will intensify. A hard truth to tackle, but you can do this.
I try to remember that my emotions are real, but they aren't in control, ultimately I am in control of my actions and I can change these to help control my emotions.
Wishing you well with this. Keep talking and vent your concerns