getting help as a yet to be diagnosed adult

It's all data - if pennies drop for you, I hope they help others too. 

When I say I don't do politics, I mean interpersonal, fast paced verbal chicanery - especially if I have a personal stake in the outcome..     

Hospital appointments are particularly difficult for me because I cannot trust the motives of the consultants - my wife comes along to measure and judge the reality of the situation. 

I have strong views of right and wrong - but it's no so much left of right in this country any more - they're all liars and charlatans and only out for themselves.     No morals or sense of duty..

...they've been known to add the "Captain" for me.  LOL

NO! I do Politics (Big P).  I got a lot of strong views about that. But politics (Small p), I have never understood and don't have the time of day for.

We should probably stop hogging this lovely person's thread as they probably need to stiff for the bits that answer his questions, but you are a revelation, Plastic.  It's like another penny drops every time you speak.

Dawn said:

"but that's not logical".

..You missed the "Captain" 

If I had the right manager, a Picard, I would be a perfect Riker - gather all the data and sort and collate to present it for the cleverly-political person to take action in the moment.       I cannot do politics - I'm way too slow to work out hidden agendas until I'm made to feel the fool.

Dawn said:

...Starting with my twitchy foot (sometimes feet), which bounce rhythmically when I'm stressed or exhausted .

Me too - it sets off a body-jiggle that is a pleasant stim - and it burns excess energy - usually at the resonant frequency of the Achilles tendon.

Yes - the realisation of just *how* different you are - and amazement at how you managed to get this far - and a realisation of just how naive you have been - and then just how badly you've been used over the years by the manipulators and abusers.......

LOL.  And I was a police trainer - specialising in really emotionally difficult stuff, like sex offences... how less Spectrum-like can you imagine?  But then, I could always care deeply, without getting emotionally involved myself, if you see what I mean.  Some of the other trainers, just wouldn't deal with that stuff.

Yet, one of my fellow trainer's said if I had a super power, I'd be "conscience woman" because of my morality system.  And a couple of my mates have occasionally referred to me as 'Spock' for overriding silly babble and banter with; "but that's not logical".

I think you are on to something though.  Sounds like a subject begging for proper research to me.  

I'm looking at the associated thinking styles a lot and recognising that is me, and ....errr learning that other people don't think like that.  There's so many little things here I just thought EVERYBODY did...and apparently not.

...Starting with my twitchy foot (sometimes feet), which bounce rhythmically when I'm stressed or exhausted ...Oh!  A few people have pointed it out, but I just thought every body had a little unconscious twitchy something of some sort like that.

Yes - it's only when someone pointed out that I ticked all the boxes that I ever stopped to think about it - I was so focussed on being a good person and following the rules and working hard for the common good that I didn't realise I had become Commander Data.       An android.        I didn't exist as a person.        

I was so 'perfect' that I had denied my own frailty and humanity.

How do I feel?    No idea.    Can't answer that question - Error404.

I still have an overwhelming compulsion to "do the right thing" even if it's the wrong thing for me.

Dawn said:

Anything written on this anywhere?  I'd love to read it if there is

No - not that I've seen - the books are almost all written by 'normies' on their impression of what's going on for us.    Some are embarrassingly naive and off the mark and seem to think we are 'faulty'.

I just took myself apart, piece by piece, and worked out what was actually happening in stress situations and what was the cause of my anxiety - and what was going on physiologically and psychologically when I was under pressure.     The true engineer's solution.   

Then I looked at others and saw we were all very similar - the main differences seem to be to do with childhood experiences and how we learn to cope with stress - or not - from an early age.     

I'm also finding almost all ASD people are so lost in their symptoms that they can't find a way out to a period of stability to pause and take stock of their life.   

you're most welcome. 

I wouldn't worry about Brexit - it's all a political game being played right now that will sort itself out soon enough once businesses have all made their quick buck.   .     The world survived perfectly well before the EU and will be fine afterwards so I'd still keep 'Plan A' as your priority.

If you're in a job that suits you, you may as well stick at it - easy money as you get older is a low-stress option.

Do you have friends to talk to or do things with to take your mind away from everyday life?       Having a day in a museum or doing something fun really pushes the stress away.

Since diagnosis, I've brutally analysed myself to understand what is different about my brain and why I behave the way I do.    

I'm a twin so I always had a 'working model' of me to copy and analyse as a child so I became very good at masking (appearing to fit in) and I survived well until my 40s being excellent at what i did - but hating dealing with people.      Life got a bit complicated at that time and everything fell apart.

I'm an engineer - so I spent my whole life getting to root cause analysis of mechanism and system failures - having a working model of myself to compare against (my brother), I think I've pretty much worked out the nuts & bolts of my autism / Asperger's.

Yep!  That's what I thought.  How can that be me when I'm articulate - I'm a linguist, employed and make friends...?

errr.... but it's explaining so much else...and even my speech development, as recounted by my mother, fits, as does the fact that I did not play with other children much. I had friends only from the point at which interactions with others did not involve play. 

Thanks for that, I will look into it. I think just talking to a professional would be a massive help. My wifes friend son has ASD/Aspergers but his is serere like he can never live alone etc. I thought well thats not me , I can't have the same thing. Only when I really dug deep did I learn about the spectrum, it has really been a revelation.

Hi I did have a retirement plan and then Brexit came along and now that may not be achieveable. Was going to move to Spain in 8-10 years but no idea now with the new rules. Been at my job a long time and it is not challenging so going to stay on to retirement/redundancy. My mum is still around, but had to put her into care but you are right about lack of parental approval, and I really only realised that this week. Thanks for your comments, they have been a big help.

Hi there,

I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling.  I hope some of us can be helpful or at least lend an ear.

Personally, I've given up with the NHS service and have found my own counsellor.  The price has suddenly become more affordable, actually due to lock down.  As they are having to work online, they're passing on their savings on room hire and travel to the client.  It's costing me £30 a session.  Also, the NHS tends to only give six sessions of this or that and as I am researching adaptations in psychological help for ASD...well, catalogues all the issues I've ever had with the services, and one such adaptation does seem to be we need a lot more time...

If you want to go down that route, this is the website for counsellors and therapists who are properly qualified below.  You can search who might be in your area and then ask them what experience they might have with ASD.  Whilst still waiting for a diagnosis, if you think you have traits, might be good to find someone who can adapt "as if", until the assessment comes round.

www.bapc.co.uk

If it's any consolation, I'm in the same boat (with different issues).  It's all a bit of shock to me that I could be ASD and I'm awaiting an assessment.  Shall we say that I'm hearing on a daily basis (Thank You, Plastic,lol), stuff that is true for me and others have always found a tad odd, hmmmmmm... this forum does make me feel like my whole life just came into focus.

Plastic said:

Lots of people say CBT doesn't really work for us - the things we worry about tend to be real and tangible

God Plastic, you are a revelation! Yes, Yes and Yes.  I've always seen how CBT makes sense of stuff that might be a  misconception, like a fear or spiders, when spiders in the UK can't hurt you, but it DOES NOT work for me, because what I fear a) exists and can be dangerous and b) has gone horribly wrong in the past.  I can't CBT it away, so unless anyone has a fairy wand back there...

Plastic said:

It's also normal to be diagnosed as depressed - it's a GP's first option.      It tends to be because we are comfortable discussing negative subjects - apparently, 'normal' people hide all their negative thoughts.

Are we?/Do they? Oh! That's suddenly making sense of a few times I was told off for telling the truth when someone asked how I was... I always just thought; 'Well, they asked me...' After all, if I ask someone how they are, I do actually want to hear the answer: good, bad or indifferent.  If I didn't want to know, I wouldn't ask.

Anything written on this anywhere?  I'd love to read it if there is.

Yeah - not having access to your decompression tool is not going to end well.  

Sorry to hear about your dad - it's one of those huge disruptions to your normality - there's also a massive issue about never having parental approval again - you can never say "look dad - I just did this....".     I lost mine over 20 years ago - I still can't adjust to it.

I've spent a long time writing out a list of things to do that are relaxing.    Little things like going for a picnic or just sitting on top of a hill and being there with nature.

I'm a plane-nerd too - I spent last Sunday jumping around in three vintage Mosquitoes - I got my fix.   

Things can get very bad - a burn out - where your brain just can't cope any more and needs time out to reset.      It's normally gradual - it creeps up on you.       The fact you're feeling it now is good - you're young enough to look at your life and think about how you can re-jig it to take away the stress and anxiety.     Trying to take part in the rat-race isn't suited to al of us - I burned out at 49.      I was lucky enough to get a good payout so I've been 'retired' for the last few years - pleasing myself and setting my own schedule-  i found playing to other people's timings wasn't compatible with my health.

Have you considered a retirement plan?.

Hi thanks for that I have found one that is promising in my area. Will see what happens after my GP appointment next week.

Thanks for that, you are very much describing how things are getting. It is not knowing how bad things may get that is frightening me. I have a GP appointment next week where I really want them to push getting me assesed. Even if it is in 6 months time I just want some progress.

Ironically work is actually the one thing where I am still holding it together. My employers pretty much leave me alone as I work from home all the time and go out and visit customers to repair IT stuff. 

Hobbies and lockdown have been a massive drag. My two hobbies are watching local football and cricket, and I am a plane geek. I love airshows, museums, or just going to see planes. None of which I have been able to do. I have started going out more now but really waiting for the better weather. 

I will add that it was a year ago on Wednesday that I lost my dad, and that resulted in about 4 months of hell. My wife has been brilliant through it all and has been very supportive.

We will see what the GP says then I will persue some private options. Thanks.

Hi Rob

Welcome to the forum.     

You'd be surprised how many threads start off just like yours - there seems to be an army of our age group who were just missed by the education systems back then.

I think you're feeling yourself getting to the edge of your ability to cope - life has become too complex to keep it all together - but that's combined with getting older and just not having the resilience to keep pushing yourself,

It's also normal to be diagnosed as depressed - it's a GP's first option.      It tends to be because we are comfortable discussing negative subjects - apparently, 'normal' people hide all their negative thoughts.

It's useful for you to get a diagnosis so you can ask for changes at work - it's normally the social side or the chaotic work environment that fries our brains.

Something you might want to think about is what do you do for fun?       As you get older, the stress of life means you really need some form of relaxation to get your head back together every evening.

What hobbies do you have?     Do you have free-time or space at home to just switch off?

Do you have a family to support you?

A private diagnosis can be done quickly - if you have company healthcare, they might cover it.      If you pay, it can be between £800 to £2000 - but you must make sure they are DWP and NHS acceptable assessors.

Lots of people say CBT doesn't really work for us - the things we worry about tend to be real and tangible.

It can be useful to talk to other people or counsellors who know about the way ASD affects your life - get some hints and tips about reducing stress and managing anxiety.

Learning to be kinder to yourself can help a lot.   Knowing your limits and realising when it's time to walk away from things is a skill in itself..

Good luck.

Hello NAS65321,

I'm really sorry to hear that you've been struggling. Thank you for sharing this with the community. If you were interested in counselling (NHS & private), you may like to have a look on the Autism Services Directory: http://www.autism.org.uk/directory  under 'Health' & 'Counsellors'

 If there are no counsellors in your area on the directory, you may like to try the links suggested at end of this web page :

 https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/strategies-and-interventions/strategies-and-interventions/counselling#H2_6

All the best,

ChloeMod