Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I am a 51yo guy and am really struggling and need help. I always knew I was diffrent, have struggled through life but have always worked and from the outside I have a normal life. At the start of 2019 I went to my doctor to get refered on the NHS, something I am still waiting for. I had spent months looking at stuff online and really thinking about things and am convinced I have ASD/asbergers. With lockdowns and lack of being forced to have social interaction my issues have certianlly got worse and I am increasingly finding normal things so much more difficult. I am increasingly frightened that going forward I am going to be unable to hold it together and lead that almost normal life that I have struggled to build.
I have had no therapy what so ever and have no idea what that might involve/cost? A few years ago I did ring talk plus about depression but this was before I really found out about ASD. Any ideas on how I can talk to somebody who is experienced with ASD in older adults and will answer my questions? I am just concerned that without my diagnosis nobody is going to be interested.
Any ideas appreciated.
Rob
Hi Rob
Welcome to the forum.
You'd be surprised how many threads start off just like yours - there seems to be an army of our age group who were just missed by the education systems back then.
I think you're feeling yourself getting to the edge of your ability to cope - life has become too complex to keep it all together - but that's combined with getting older and just not having the resilience to keep pushing yourself,
It's also normal to be diagnosed as depressed - it's a GP's first option. It tends to be because we are comfortable discussing negative subjects - apparently, 'normal' people hide all their negative thoughts.
It's useful for you to get a diagnosis so you can ask for changes at work - it's normally the social side or the chaotic work environment that fries our brains.
Something you might want to think about is what do you do for fun? As you get older, the stress of life means you really need some form of relaxation to get your head back together every evening.
What hobbies do you have? Do you have free-time or space at home to just switch off?
Do you have a family to support you?
A private diagnosis can be done quickly - if you have company healthcare, they might cover it. If you pay, it can be between £800 to £2000 - but you must make sure they are DWP and NHS acceptable assessors.
Lots of people say CBT doesn't really work for us - the things we worry about tend to be real and tangible.
It can be useful to talk to other people or counsellors who know about the way ASD affects your life - get some hints and tips about reducing stress and managing anxiety.
Learning to be kinder to yourself can help a lot. Knowing your limits and realising when it's time to walk away from things is a skill in itself..
Good luck.
Plastic said:Lots of people say CBT doesn't really work for us - the things we worry about tend to be real and tangible
God Plastic, you are a revelation! Yes, Yes and Yes. I've always seen how CBT makes sense of stuff that might be a misconception, like a fear or spiders, when spiders in the UK can't hurt you, but it DOES NOT work for me, because what I fear a) exists and can be dangerous and b) has gone horribly wrong in the past. I can't CBT it away, so unless anyone has a fairy wand back there...
Plastic said:It's also normal to be diagnosed as depressed - it's a GP's first option. It tends to be because we are comfortable discussing negative subjects - apparently, 'normal' people hide all their negative thoughts.
Are we?/Do they? Oh! That's suddenly making sense of a few times I was told off for telling the truth when someone asked how I was... I always just thought; 'Well, they asked me...' After all, if I ask someone how they are, I do actually want to hear the answer: good, bad or indifferent. If I didn't want to know, I wouldn't ask.
Anything written on this anywhere? I'd love to read it if there is.
Thanks for that, you are very much describing how things are getting. It is not knowing how bad things may get that is frightening me. I have a GP appointment next week where I really want them to push getting me assesed. Even if it is in 6 months time I just want some progress.
Ironically work is actually the one thing where I am still holding it together. My employers pretty much leave me alone as I work from home all the time and go out and visit customers to repair IT stuff.
Hobbies and lockdown have been a massive drag. My two hobbies are watching local football and cricket, and I am a plane geek. I love airshows, museums, or just going to see planes. None of which I have been able to do. I have started going out more now but really waiting for the better weather.
I will add that it was a year ago on Wednesday that I lost my dad, and that resulted in about 4 months of hell. My wife has been brilliant through it all and has been very supportive.
We will see what the GP says then I will persue some private options. Thanks.