Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I am a 51yo guy and am really struggling and need help. I always knew I was diffrent, have struggled through life but have always worked and from the outside I have a normal life. At the start of 2019 I went to my doctor to get refered on the NHS, something I am still waiting for. I had spent months looking at stuff online and really thinking about things and am convinced I have ASD/asbergers. With lockdowns and lack of being forced to have social interaction my issues have certianlly got worse and I am increasingly finding normal things so much more difficult. I am increasingly frightened that going forward I am going to be unable to hold it together and lead that almost normal life that I have struggled to build.
I have had no therapy what so ever and have no idea what that might involve/cost? A few years ago I did ring talk plus about depression but this was before I really found out about ASD. Any ideas on how I can talk to somebody who is experienced with ASD in older adults and will answer my questions? I am just concerned that without my diagnosis nobody is going to be interested.
Any ideas appreciated.
Rob
Hi Rob
Welcome to the forum.
You'd be surprised how many threads start off just like yours - there seems to be an army of our age group who were just missed by the education systems back then.
I think you're feeling yourself getting to the edge of your ability to cope - life has become too complex to keep it all together - but that's combined with getting older and just not having the resilience to keep pushing yourself,
It's also normal to be diagnosed as depressed - it's a GP's first option. It tends to be because we are comfortable discussing negative subjects - apparently, 'normal' people hide all their negative thoughts.
It's useful for you to get a diagnosis so you can ask for changes at work - it's normally the social side or the chaotic work environment that fries our brains.
Something you might want to think about is what do you do for fun? As you get older, the stress of life means you really need some form of relaxation to get your head back together every evening.
What hobbies do you have? Do you have free-time or space at home to just switch off?
Do you have a family to support you?
A private diagnosis can be done quickly - if you have company healthcare, they might cover it. If you pay, it can be between £800 to £2000 - but you must make sure they are DWP and NHS acceptable assessors.
Lots of people say CBT doesn't really work for us - the things we worry about tend to be real and tangible.
It can be useful to talk to other people or counsellors who know about the way ASD affects your life - get some hints and tips about reducing stress and managing anxiety.
Learning to be kinder to yourself can help a lot. Knowing your limits and realising when it's time to walk away from things is a skill in itself..
Good luck.
Plastic said:It's also normal to be diagnosed as depressed - it's a GP's first option. It tends to be because we are comfortable discussing negative subjects - apparently, 'normal' people hide all their negative thoughts.
Are we?/Do they? Oh! That's suddenly making sense of a few times I was told off for telling the truth when someone asked how I was... I always just thought; 'Well, they asked me...' After all, if I ask someone how they are, I do actually want to hear the answer: good, bad or indifferent. If I didn't want to know, I wouldn't ask.
Anything written on this anywhere? I'd love to read it if there is.
Dawn said:...Starting with my twitchy foot (sometimes feet), which bounce rhythmically when I'm stressed or exhausted .
Me too - it sets off a body-jiggle that is a pleasant stim - and it burns excess energy - usually at the resonant frequency of the Achilles tendon.
Yes - the realisation of just *how* different you are - and amazement at how you managed to get this far - and a realisation of just how naive you have been - and then just how badly you've been used over the years by the manipulators and abusers.......
I think you are on to something though. Sounds like a subject begging for proper research to me.
I'm looking at the associated thinking styles a lot and recognising that is me, and ....errr learning that other people don't think like that. There's so many little things here I just thought EVERYBODY did...and apparently not.
...Starting with my twitchy foot (sometimes feet), which bounce rhythmically when I'm stressed or exhausted ...Oh! A few people have pointed it out, but I just thought every body had a little unconscious twitchy something of some sort like that.
Dawn said:Anything written on this anywhere? I'd love to read it if there is
No - not that I've seen - the books are almost all written by 'normies' on their impression of what's going on for us. Some are embarrassingly naive and off the mark and seem to think we are 'faulty'.
I just took myself apart, piece by piece, and worked out what was actually happening in stress situations and what was the cause of my anxiety - and what was going on physiologically and psychologically when I was under pressure. The true engineer's solution.
Then I looked at others and saw we were all very similar - the main differences seem to be to do with childhood experiences and how we learn to cope with stress - or not - from an early age.
I'm also finding almost all ASD people are so lost in their symptoms that they can't find a way out to a period of stability to pause and take stock of their life.