Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I am a 51yo guy and am really struggling and need help. I always knew I was diffrent, have struggled through life but have always worked and from the outside I have a normal life. At the start of 2019 I went to my doctor to get refered on the NHS, something I am still waiting for. I had spent months looking at stuff online and really thinking about things and am convinced I have ASD/asbergers. With lockdowns and lack of being forced to have social interaction my issues have certianlly got worse and I am increasingly finding normal things so much more difficult. I am increasingly frightened that going forward I am going to be unable to hold it together and lead that almost normal life that I have struggled to build.
I have had no therapy what so ever and have no idea what that might involve/cost? A few years ago I did ring talk plus about depression but this was before I really found out about ASD. Any ideas on how I can talk to somebody who is experienced with ASD in older adults and will answer my questions? I am just concerned that without my diagnosis nobody is going to be interested.
Any ideas appreciated.
Rob
Hi Rob
Welcome to the forum.
You'd be surprised how many threads start off just like yours - there seems to be an army of our age group who were just missed by the education systems back then.
I think you're feeling yourself getting to the edge of your ability to cope - life has become too complex to keep it all together - but that's combined with getting older and just not having the resilience to keep pushing yourself,
It's also normal to be diagnosed as depressed - it's a GP's first option. It tends to be because we are comfortable discussing negative subjects - apparently, 'normal' people hide all their negative thoughts.
It's useful for you to get a diagnosis so you can ask for changes at work - it's normally the social side or the chaotic work environment that fries our brains.
Something you might want to think about is what do you do for fun? As you get older, the stress of life means you really need some form of relaxation to get your head back together every evening.
What hobbies do you have? Do you have free-time or space at home to just switch off?
Do you have a family to support you?
A private diagnosis can be done quickly - if you have company healthcare, they might cover it. If you pay, it can be between £800 to £2000 - but you must make sure they are DWP and NHS acceptable assessors.
Lots of people say CBT doesn't really work for us - the things we worry about tend to be real and tangible.
It can be useful to talk to other people or counsellors who know about the way ASD affects your life - get some hints and tips about reducing stress and managing anxiety.
Learning to be kinder to yourself can help a lot. Knowing your limits and realising when it's time to walk away from things is a skill in itself..
Good luck.
Thanks for that, you are very much describing how things are getting. It is not knowing how bad things may get that is frightening me. I have a GP appointment next week where I really want them to push getting me assesed. Even if it is in 6 months time I just want some progress.
Ironically work is actually the one thing where I am still holding it together. My employers pretty much leave me alone as I work from home all the time and go out and visit customers to repair IT stuff.
Hobbies and lockdown have been a massive drag. My two hobbies are watching local football and cricket, and I am a plane geek. I love airshows, museums, or just going to see planes. None of which I have been able to do. I have started going out more now but really waiting for the better weather.
I will add that it was a year ago on Wednesday that I lost my dad, and that resulted in about 4 months of hell. My wife has been brilliant through it all and has been very supportive.
We will see what the GP says then I will persue some private options. Thanks.
you're most welcome.
I wouldn't worry about Brexit - it's all a political game being played right now that will sort itself out soon enough once businesses have all made their quick buck. . The world survived perfectly well before the EU and will be fine afterwards so I'd still keep 'Plan A' as your priority.
If you're in a job that suits you, you may as well stick at it - easy money as you get older is a low-stress option.
Do you have friends to talk to or do things with to take your mind away from everyday life? Having a day in a museum or doing something fun really pushes the stress away.
Since diagnosis, I've brutally analysed myself to understand what is different about my brain and why I behave the way I do.
I'm a twin so I always had a 'working model' of me to copy and analyse as a child so I became very good at masking (appearing to fit in) and I survived well until my 40s being excellent at what i did - but hating dealing with people. Life got a bit complicated at that time and everything fell apart.
I'm an engineer - so I spent my whole life getting to root cause analysis of mechanism and system failures - having a working model of myself to compare against (my brother), I think I've pretty much worked out the nuts & bolts of my autism / Asperger's.
Hi I did have a retirement plan and then Brexit came along and now that may not be achieveable. Was going to move to Spain in 8-10 years but no idea now with the new rules. Been at my job a long time and it is not challenging so going to stay on to retirement/redundancy. My mum is still around, but had to put her into care but you are right about lack of parental approval, and I really only realised that this week. Thanks for your comments, they have been a big help.
Yeah - not having access to your decompression tool is not going to end well.
Sorry to hear about your dad - it's one of those huge disruptions to your normality - there's also a massive issue about never having parental approval again - you can never say "look dad - I just did this....". I lost mine over 20 years ago - I still can't adjust to it.
I've spent a long time writing out a list of things to do that are relaxing. Little things like going for a picnic or just sitting on top of a hill and being there with nature.
I'm a plane-nerd too - I spent last Sunday jumping around in three vintage Mosquitoes - I got my fix.
Things can get very bad - a burn out - where your brain just can't cope any more and needs time out to reset. It's normally gradual - it creeps up on you. The fact you're feeling it now is good - you're young enough to look at your life and think about how you can re-jig it to take away the stress and anxiety. Trying to take part in the rat-race isn't suited to al of us - I burned out at 49. I was lucky enough to get a good payout so I've been 'retired' for the last few years - pleasing myself and setting my own schedule- i found playing to other people's timings wasn't compatible with my health.
Have you considered a retirement plan?.