How often are people here NOT autistic?

My supervisor cancelled the meeting so it isnt happening for another week now. I don't want to spring it on her outside of a formal meeting with time for her to properly respond so I'm just going to have to tolerate it.

I'm having a bad day today. Really feel like I don't belong in my profession. 

I must admit, I get very annoyed when managers use buzz words like resilience and emotional intelligence as so often, they don't understand enough about things like anxiety in order for those words to have any meaning. 

We all deal with stress in different ways but it's no excuse to ignore a persons welfare because they don't measure up to expectations. Often, simple changes can be made which prevent larger issues down the line.

My managers are a prime example. I've tried for a few years to deal with a number of situations, including being threatened twice by a manager (this would be the same one that told me I have a bad attitude - they still can't see the irony!). They aren't interested in discussing it with me because what I'm asking for is them to understand how the problem has occurred. They might have to take ownership of their mistakes!!!

Now, I'm fed up and things have snowballed. I've joined the union and have told them that if they aren't going to discuss it with me, it will be dealt with by higher management in the form of a grievance.

All it took to prevent this, was listening, understanding, and supporting my colleagues and myself which they haven't done. 

If you have managers that are being dismissive of your anxiety, remember they are in the wrong. It's protected under the equality act. You have protection from discrimination and legal rights to reasonable adjustments that probably wouldn't take much effort to put into place and can not only benefit you, but those in the community you work with.

I agree although I feel like I've been berated by past managers for feeling anxious so it scares me to only mention that. In social work there is a lot of emphasis on "resilience" and "emotional intelligence". Anxiety doesn't tend to be treated as compatible with these things, although I personally feel like I am resilient and emotionally intelligent in the sense that I need to be emotionally intelligent to mirror others. I don't always get it right but because of my job I feel I get more practise than others might.

I disclosed to my manager I identified with some traits. At the time I was off work with anxiety. The adjustments made were based on my anxiety. Even if you are not on the AS there are things which cause you problems. You could go down the mental health route instead if you need adjustments. ..

18 months later, I have a diagnosis of ASC. I've been on here since 2018. 

You have to be careful with that. It can be considered gross misconduct and you could be fired for it. It's never a good idea to give them cannon fodder even if it seems like the best solution. You really have to be clear on the legalities of something like that.

Do absolutely agree with you though, mental health conversations need to happen.

I like this idea. I'll probably forget to set my phone to record though haha. 

Hi Hookaduckduck, I think whether to tell or not tell your employer is a personal thing. I also think it should be encouraged, because if we are going to discuss mental health and engage with it, that only works if everyone is honest about it. From both sides. (Perhaps a separate post though)

What I would do, and did do, is secretly recorded the conversation on my phone. It gave me reassurance during the meeting and also gave me a back up should they “forget” the conversation happened! Sorry if that sounds a little paranoid.

G'day Hookaduckduck,

I was referred in April last year. I was told it would be about an 18 month wait but that was right at the beginning of the first lockdown so I don't know how much longer the wait will be in my area.

I think I'm in a slightly different position to others as it was my PTSD Counsellor - Whom I worked with intensely for about six months and therefore got to know me really well - who referred me. She used to work with Autistic children so had a pretty good idea of what she was seeing. There is of course always the niggle that I'll get to the assessment and find I'm not Autistic. I think we all go through that. I'm glad your in a Union. It's better to have that in place early so you can get help if something happens. I have a great rep who works in Mental health as well as the union, but because my issues were ongoing from before I joined, he isn't able to attend meetings with me. (Not that meetings are really happening at the moment!) I find that people tend to do bad things, not through malicious intent, but because they are ignorant or simply can't be bothered to take the time to understand. 

Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time too. 

I'm in a union and I work in social services so I'd like to think that people will be supportive, but I know that just because people are trained to be empathetic and nondiscriminatory doesn't mean they actually are! 

How long have you been waiting for assessment? 

Hi Elizabeth, glad to be of help. If you do intend to disclose to your employer, my suggestion would be to know your work policies inside and out first. It is protected under the Equality act and that is also important to be aware of. Employers have a duty of care to their staff however the reality is that, they can also be both ignorant and intolerant. You should have supportive employers who make it possible for you to work your best. It benefits them and often can be nothing more than a few small changes. Two things my Union Rep mentioned to me, are 'Victimisation' and 'Constructive dismissal'. It's also worth being aware of these as there is a worst case scenario that you are in either situation and you should have an idea how to recognise and act upon it.

Finally, I'm not a particularly strong person. Just old enough to have had enough of the BS.

Thanks for your post, Loz. 

I’m sorry you had to go through what you did, but I’m glad that you’re a part of a union and that you advocated for yourself. You sound like a strong person.

I have been somewhat on the fence about whether to disclose at my current workplace and interestingly, your post has really tipped me toward the ‘disclose’ side of things. Thanks for your thoughts and for sharing.

Elizabeth

I ended up telling my employers as I was struggling. They don't really have a great understanding of mental health, even though they are supposed to take it seriously. I hadn't exactly wanted to say anything until I knew what was going on myself, unfortunately I was dealing with a number of things that just made the situation worse. At one point, I was told that I needed to be mindful about how I come across, that seemed to be the indication that I should say something. 

I therefore decided to let them know as at that point, I was aware that this was something that could be related to the Autism. Not much has changed, although I have joined a union and I would highly recommend it to anyone else. I'm currently raising a complaint against the very same managers because of another situation, and also for the lack of support and even consideration in my mental health which has caused me to struggle. I've also contacted a company called Remploy which was recommended to me by a workplace counsellor and will hopefully not only help me to determine the support that I need, but also educate my managers on their role in all this.

I feel that by not disclosing the 'potential' Autism, I could have almost shot myself in the foot. I have an anxiety disorder anyway, however the additional stress of trying to figure out who I am after years of not knowing, has made it more difficult. Had I not told them, they could argue that I wasn't giving them the full picture and therefore not allowing them to make the most appropriate decisions.

I know many say not to disclose, I understand the reasons for it and you'll need to consider the type of employers you have before making your ultimate decision. For me, it was the right decision as it's allowing me to sort out a situation with all the cards on the table. I also now have a union rep to support me so they know they have to tread carefully rather than dismissing my mental health as a 'bad attitude' which is what they were doing before.

Hi, HDD: 

Thanks for the awesome post! I am new here so I don’t have any answer to your first question, in terms of how many people on this site are not autistic.

Regarding what appears to be your second question, asking whether others think you should disclose to your employer on Thursday, even though you were waiting for an assessment, I totally recommend you follow your gut instinct on that. It’s clear you’ve thought it through and you know your needs and you respect yourself enough to take some risk by disclosing and asking for the support you need.

I hope the conversation with your employer on Thursday goes well and if you’re willing to share with us how it goes, that would be amazing.

I’m thinking of you! Also I think you sent me a direct message and for some reason I can’t find it now. If you wouldn’t mind resending it to me that would be great.

Elizabeth