I actually started with sertraline but it intensified my anxiety and teeth clenching, especially when my dose increased, so I had to switch medication. It made me feel like I was worse rather than better. 

Fluoxetine is OK but it doesn't really make much difference to me. Maybe takes the edge off some of the symptoms of anxiety but not enough to feel truly better. Just less unwell. 

M said:

It is an issue my GP is aware of - I am prescribed omeprazole and fluoxetine - but we haven't discussed the heartburn specifically in the context of autism.

Excuse then my previous concern as I know so many neurologically divergent people that either avoid doctors due to lousy historical treatment, they do not think their problems are serious enough or else they don't want to cause a fuss!?! 

M said:

When I contacted my GP re: autism I did mention the limited positive effects of the fluoxetine on my anxiety despite her increasing my dose as a relevant factor in me thinking I am autistic.

I was prescribed Fluoxetine in the mid to late nineties, but according to the last clinical psychologist I saw at the beginning of 2020, Setraline and a low dose Antipsychotic was considered to be in general the way forward for autism related problems, which another of my friends on the spectrum has found to be the most viable combination of the lot for them.

Due though to really softening and mellowing my seizures I have been taking 'Cannabidiol' (CBD oil) instead with agreement from my GP, along with sticking to a strictly regulated activity schedule to reduce stress, and thence also the seizures, shut-downs and lock-ins.

M said:

It is something I plan to discuss in my initial assessment if I get the opportunity.

Perhaps at very least put it in writing to your doctor and have it included in your referral notes ~ and do away with the 'if you get the opportunity' state of affairs; get it dealt with faithfully as a matter of pragmatic fact and course.

Maybe also get yourself referred to see a Clinical Psychologist (as part of your Community Mental Health & Wellbeing Team) in the mean time, as it will need doing anyway ~ and thereby not only save the assessment unit from having to ask your GP to do so, but also save yourself from unnecessarily suffering any longer or any more than you already are.

It will also help the assessment team and streamline the process if you have beforehand been clinically assessed regarding your symptoms.

It is an issue my GP is aware of - I am prescribed omeprazole and fluoxetine - but we haven't discussed the heartburn specifically in the context of autism. When I contacted my GP re: autism I did mention the limited positive effects of the fluoxetine on my anxiety despite her increasing my dose as a relevant factor in me thinking I am autistic. It is something I plan to discuss in my initial assessment if I get the opportunity.

M said:

Physical symptoms are very much a driver in me seeking more support. I get constant unbearable heartburn for weeks and weeks at a time. Very little helps in terms of heartburn remedies, the only thing that eases it is withdrawal from the world. Even then it can come back immediately the moment I emerge. I've had heartburn the past few weeks and it makes me miserable. It used to be that I got diarrhoea instead but these days it is heartburn. I never thought I'd miss diarrhoea but at least there was intermittent relief from that. Heartburn is constant.

I have to two friends also with Asperger's Syndrome that have the same problems as you and I conversely like you get the diarrhoea thing on occasion ~ along with the extra  Psychogenic Non Epileptic Seizure (PNES) onslaughts when things get excessive stress wise for me. 

How to Deal With Anxiety and Heart Burn.

There are five methodologies for coping with having GastroEsophogeal Reflux Disease (GERD) otherwise more simply known as suffering from Acid Reflux.

The five methodologies following include links to ponder if you have not already:

1.) Detoxing baths involving such things as epsom salts or bicarbonate of soda, mineral salts and magnesium flakes being mixed in.

2.) A low acid~high alkaline and probiotic rich diet involving no processed sugars, sweeteners or other stimulants like caffeine etcetera.

(Could Probiotics Help Those With Autism)

3.) Regular cardiovascular exercise to burn off stress.

4,) Meditation involving deep gentle pelvic breathing and strict presence of mind where little or no attention is given to recollectable past or projectable future events.

5,) Medication involving anything from antacids to beta-blockers and whatnot via a clinical psychologist and your GP

As a matter of considerable concern ~ your GP does know about the levels of anxiety that you are suffering from don't they? You are not just stoically soldiering on and perseverantly baring up or anything like that are you? I mean if you are as it seems on the spectrum, given that along with everything else you report external hypersensitivities regarding children's high pitched voices and finding your children sat on your lap uncomfortable ~ it may as such be that like many others on the spectrum you conversely have internal hyposensitivities; so the level of discomfort you feel within yourself could actually be several levels more severe than perhaps realised. Might this be an issue that you and your GP are already aware of?

Physical symptoms are very much a driver in me seeking more support. I get constant unbearable heartburn for weeks and weeks at a time. Very little helps in terms of heartburn remedies, the only thing that eases it is withdrawal from the world. Even then it can come back immediately the moment I emerge. I've had heartburn the past few weeks and it makes me miserable. It used to be that I got diarrhoea instead but these days it is heartburn. I never thought I'd miss diarrhoea but at least there was intermittent relief from that. Heartburn is constant.

M said:

Sorry for the delayed response your message. I am having some functional issues with the website which are making it difficult to use both on my phone and laptop. 

M

Apologies for my delayed response to your message also. I’ve been having mind fragmentation issues due to more immersive stress induced seizures of late, which have been making things difficult to recall and put into words and all that.

M said:

You are very right - I am not seeking to intentionally mislead anyone so I should not worry about this. I had not thought of it that way, and you are also right that whatever the outcome, the anxiety that I experience is disabling in its own right, whatever the cause of it that there may be. 

Well in respect of autism anxiety is a functional principle, as also involves social anxiety due to a considerable lack of facilitation, identification and affirmation regarding our individual identities and capacities ~ with more usually a considerable social tendency for excessive negations to make it just so.

M said:

The idea of 'dropping the mask' is something I think I need to really take in and put into practice.

I highly recommend that you by far more contemplate in what ways you are masking rather than so much attempting not to mask. Discover who you are under all those protective veils before revealing your true self to others, especially considering how damaged we can be underneath all those protective layers. Drop the veils very slowly and very carefully one by one, as being on the autistic spectrum limits our ability to cope with change, so make an effort to take things very slowly and thereby advance much more quickly over time.

M said:

I think the masking and mirroring is really the reason why I feel so fraudulent to begin with.

That will in part be the case, but only in part, as the majority of the reason is not being like the vast majority of other people who are somewhat similar in their orientations and objectives. Keep in mind that despite individuality being a result of evolutionary design, it is still largely considered a social crime to be particularly unique.

M said:

It is overwhelming to discover autism may be the reason life has been the way it is and then get to work reframing different events and aspects of yourself.

Hence the strong suggestion to take things very slowly and very carefully, so that you do not overload yourself any more than you can already handle ~ as an overwhelmed person already.

M said:

I feel fake because now I am seeing myself differently, and it concerns me that I could do all that work reframing things to make more sense, and if not diagnosed then that sense of understanding could be lost again.

It is not fake to have protected your individuality with a social pretence that is in fact expected in society ~  respect this as a means by which you can be truer to yourself more accordingly now, little by little, bit by bit, and nothing will be missed or lost, only ever gained. The process of evolution is after all only ever a developing summation, as embodies as much you as it dose everything else in the universe.

M said:

I've never understood myself better than I feel I do right now, when I am able to see myself as an autistic woman. I feel that whilst I am anxious to share this newfound part of myself with others, I also feel strongly like it should be a key part of my identity and not something I should hide. 

Obviously I can only suggest that for the time being resist the ‘anxious’ drive to share your newly ‘defined’ identity with others. Learn to feel more comfortable with the indefatigable mystery that is the beauty of you ~ and learn by which to recognise and become more familiar with the characteristically embodied traits of you. 

M said:

I haven't had my meeting with my supervisor yet as it was rearranged for Wednesday. I still plan on disclosing to her that I am waiting for assessment. My main worry is that she will respond as I know many people do, with 'oh I think we are all a bit autistic' or something like that to minimise how huge an issue this moment will be for me.

Well many people are in fact a little bit autistic in having specific interests and a preference for similarity and routine, but they only really have a true psychological sense of being autistic when they have been considerably frightened and experienced the freeze, flight, hide or fight survival reflex, either partially or wholly.

Stomach upsets, rashes, burns, scolds, migraines, hangovers and feeling ill and exhausted can give temporary simulations of what it can be like permanently for some people on the spectrum also, regarding physiological hypersensitivities ~ which are along with the aforementioned the sort of things I generally mention to people once I have agreed with them that we are all ‘at least’ a little bit autistic, which has gone pretty well with everyone as such having been quite interested so far ~ with follow up questions too!

M said:

For me I don't feel a little bit autistic. I feel disabled by the world around me as a result of my difficulties with fitting in and following expectations. It dominates my life to feel the way I feel. I'm not sure I'd be able to explain that without getting emotional though. 

Hence my suggestion to take things slowly as it will allow you to better come to terms with your feelings and emotions, and the issues involving them in a more balanced and comfortable way.

Another thing I would suggest is to consider that although you may very well be autistic, it may be that you do not quite have the full diagnostic quota of autistic traits to be diagnosed as being on the spectrum. Keeping both these considerations equally and calmly in mind ~ can provide one with a more balanced and progressive mindset regarding the outcome of the assessment, and the diagnoses if it is confirmed.

The fifty~fifty approach can help with the psychological hangover and adjustment period that follows, which seems to last about four years or so when it comes to having been diagnosed ~ recalling of course the expressions that 'there are different strokes for different folks' and 'your mileage may vary' and all that.

Thank you for this. Tomorrow is the day that I tell my supervisor. I'll let everyone know how it goes. 

If it is at all any help, I spoke to a union rep at the time when I was going through the diagnosis process for autism. He explained to me that because it can take years to get to that point as an adult, they really should be making reasonable adjustments as soon as they can, not awaiting a diagnosis. 

This is very useful because whilst I have been writing things down to help me in my eventual assessment, I haven't give much thought to how I will have this conversation with my supervisor. 
I've been feeling really anxious for the past few days because this meeting has been rescheduled and now I've been anticipating this discussion for far too long. 

Hi,

There are so many points here that resonate with me right now. May I just pass on two things that hopefully cannot possibly hurt (just in case I do not in fact have ASD and hence am totally not in a place to be doling out advice / engaging - I want to chat with everybody but I fear a big misstep)

1. When I had a really bad, deep event and breakdown, I accidentally allowed my manager to dismiss it as a 'cry for help' and this really cut me down. A lot of focus on them not having the faintest insight, not being faintly medical, them protecting their own heads was needed to move on. I should have maybe gone beserk on the spot and rejected it but for me that's never the way things happen. Being aware in advance rather than getting blindsided would have helped.

2. I have just finished writing a list of 'pre-conditions' - for want of a better word - in anticipation of having therapy sessions or assessment 'without the mask'. I've let myself get burned before and not going to allow it again. I think professionals would get it - and maybe already know it all. Mine is a list of familiar things like:
>Please don't interrupt if you can avoid it.

>Don't nod and pretend to understand, just ask - it's much less of a problem.

>I might swear accidentally - can we just agree in advance to ignore it rather than me stumbling

Whatever things you know will put you off your stride - ask them to help you not have to think about,

It felt really weak and really strange to be writing it all out but I am sure that I could walk in feeling that bit less vulnerable and that bit less guarded.

Deepthought

Sorry for the delayed response your message. I am having some functional issues with the website which are making it difficult to use both on my phone and laptop. 

You are very right - I am not seeking to intentionally mislead anyone so I should not worry about this. I had not thought of it that way, and you are also right that whatever the outcome, the anxiety that I experience is disabling in its own right, whatever the cause of it that there may be. 

The idea of 'dropping the mask' is something I think I need to really take in and put into practice. I think the masking and mirroring is really the reason why I feel so fraudulent to begin with. It is overwhelming to discover autism may be the reason life has been the way it is and then get to work reframing different events and aspects of yourself. I feel fake because now I am seeing myself differently, and it concerns me that I could do all that work reframing things to make more sense, and if not diagnosed then that sense of understanding could be lost again. I've never understood myself better than I feel I do right now, when I am able to see myself as an autistic woman. I feel that whilst I am anxious to share this newfound part of myself with others, I also feel strongly like it should be a key part of my identity and not something I should hide. 

I haven't had my meeting with my supervisor yet as it was rearranged for Wednesday. I still plan on disclosing to her that I am waiting for assessment. My main worry is that she will respond as I know many people do, with 'oh I think we are all a bit autistic' or something like that to minimise how huge an issue this moment will be for me. For me I don't feel a little bit autistic. I feel disabled by the world around me as a result of my difficulties with fitting in and following expectations. It dominates my life to feel the way I feel. I'm not sure I'd be able to explain that without getting emotional though. 

M said:

Has anyone who has been here a long time got an answer to this question? We all obviously come here for a reason, but how often does it turn out that it ISN'T autism-related? 

As someone who has been a community member since the end of October 2016, not all that many really, usually involving either having quite a number of autistic traits but not quite enough to be diagnosed with, or else more usually having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder or a Psychosis Not Otherwise Defined, that I recall.

Although, that being stated, more female and some male Aspie 'stealth troopers' tend rather to need a diagnostic specialist that can spot that social camouflaging and personal masking is being used in an aspergenic manner, which does mean that if diagnosticians are only looking for blatant or really obvious autistic patterns of behaviour, some people don't get assessed or diagnosed on the first or second attempt.

A friend of mine for instance as soon as she stepped the through door into the room of her second diagnostic assessment, was 'instructed' by the diagnostic assessor, "Drop the mask as you don't need it here!" and as a result of so doing she was thereafter procedurally diagnosed as having Asperger's Syndrome.

M said:

I'm planning on disclosing to my employer on Thursday that I am awaiting an assessment and explaining some of the difficulties that I have. I know some people disagree with this approach but I have a challenging and unpredictable job and I've just changed employer, and I feel like I need support from the earliest opportunity even if I'm wrong and my needs are anxiety-related rather than autism. 

Having a permanent neurological condition (i.e., Autism or Asperger's Syndrome) or a temporary or even long-term mental health condition (such as Social Anxiety Disorder or Psychosis Not Otherwise Specified) should not in either instance be used as a means to discriminate against or fire you or anyone, according to the Equality Act 2010. As long as you can in the first place do the work and they can (according to legal obligation) assist you doing that work for them, that should be the case.

Besides which, I believe it amounts to good conduct in terms of letting employers know one is psychologically divergent as being on the spectrum, or has since employment become aware that it is a likelihood ~ forewarned and forearmed and all that, especially if for your employer you become an in-house 'go-to' on autistic issues or are just perseverantly focused on fully achieving your case load requirements ~ be that in the qualitative and or the quantitative sense, perhaps.

M said:

I am prepared for the fact that I may have quite a wait until I am assessed so it is going to be in the back if my mind that they may consciously or subconsciously treat me differently and then I don't get the outcome I expect.

I was first informed that the waiting time for being assessed as having Asperger's Syndrome was two and half years back in 2013, so was quite pleased with that in terms of it giving me the time to get ready for the assessment process and thereafter psychologically adjusting to it (i.e., developmental narrative re-framing and the emotional releases and all that in respect of coming to terms with it all, otherwise referred to as the 'Diagnostic Hangover'). 

Even though the diagnosis was considered as being the only possible outcome left and therefore a certainty, I kept in mind that I might just be as accused 'someone who seeks therapy for attention but obstructs the process for satisfaction'. The psychologist kept making out that I was doing this wilfully, yet I was absolutely adamant it could only be an unconscious resistance, if in fact there was any resistance at all.

M said:

I don't want to feel like a fraud.

In that a fraud is a plan of action orchestrated to make people believe that something not the case 'is' the case ~ so as to unfairly or illegally gain from so doing, would it not be more you actually don't want people to imagine incorrectly that you are a fraudulent person ~ or even falsely accuse you of being one?

As such, consider perhaps the following blog article: