'Coming out' after being diagnosed

There will be stories of positivity and discrimination after discloser, I'm sure. I simply wanted to give Bobcat another perspective. I didn't expect to be attacked for my opinions.

I was fully employed - I'm a chartered engineer - my career went South directly I declared my Asperger's - it was used as an excuse to claim I had to, in effect, 'learn to be more NT' but without ever actually specifying any actual deficiencies (there weren't any).

Could you just tell your immediate supervisor, or some other manager you trust? I work for myself but I worked for years in companies etc. That's probably what I'd do: tell a superior who I trusted.

A different scenario as we are talking about somebody already in employment. 

I'm the type who can, given the opportunity, cure cancer. Yet, I can't hold onto a job; due to circumstances beyond my control.

It's chicken-and-egg. Don't worry, so much, about what comes first. Instead; let your employers know in your CV/Application Form, but don't parade it for the world to see. Masking can be difficult; but - as Plastic said - you'll know who your REAL friends are.

It's not fear mongering when there's actual data that supports the fact that employers do things like actively bin CVs that mention autism and the rates of autistic people in employment are in the toilet. The fact that every autistic person I know (and I was diagnosed in childhood, not 5 minutes ago so I've been dragged to loads of stuff) is underemployed based on skills and qualifications. 

Discrimination is real. 

Don't be talked out of disclosing your diagnosis because of fear mongering. There are many benefits to disclosing but I won't repeat them because Trainspotter has said it all. Telling the "office" gossip is a brilliant idea. You could tell someone you are comfortable with and let them know you don't mind other people knowing - it will soon make the rounds. In a more professional capacity, you should inform HR and your direct line manager. 

I felt that I had to 'come out' to stop people wondering.

Unkind remarks are probably more likely if people don't know the reason for how you are.  I know this is different to the advice of others.  But a remark by you, or apparently inappropriate action, or an apparent 'stare' or not wanting to take part in social activities, seeming inattention or your eating habits, which may all be what others think of as abnormal, can all result in unwanted jibes.  You considered yourself sufficiently affected to seek a diagnosis, so it is a near certainty others have noticed you have apparently 'strange' behaviour.

Even if you do not consider yourself to need adjustments at the moment, something could happen in the future that a simple adjustment could help considerably.  And with not disclosing, you could be subject to disciplinary procedures over some matter or another that would be covered under the Equality Act.  Jobs change, duties change even under the same employer and you could be moved to something that does not suit your skills and aptitude and be put on a performance plan which you cannot comply with.

In my case, my job changed due to Type, I suffered serious anxiety and depression during which time I sought by diagnosis.  I cannot say all my problems were over when my employer was informed, far from it.  But it paved the way for help through Access to Work and keeping my job, something that with certainty would not have happened without my employer being informed.

Work colleagues were another thing.  Standing up in a meeting and 'confessing' was certainly not what I wanted to do.  I decided to tell the office gossip and then very soon everyone knew!  And I got nothing but help and goodwil from them.  Autism is a lot better understood these days. Anyone who will bully you because you are autistic is likely to bully you because of how you are anyway.  Harassment because of your disability is an offence under the Equality Act and would be dealt with under your employers disciplinary policy for which the consequences for the perpetrators can be severe.

Many people, although they don't think they know many autistic adults, have children, nephews and nieces, cousins, or neighbours children who are autistic.  And it is more understood these days.

Something you might want to think about is your masking - we all do it - where we present a more 'user friendly' face to the NTs around us so we appear to 'fit in'.    You probably don't notice it, but it's burning an enormous amount of brain energy to maintain this facade.    While you're young, you can easily cope with this.

As we get older, life gets much more complex and unpredictable so we start to reach the limits of our masks to hide - that is where our natural 'odd' behaviours start to pop out at inopportune moments - events that happen where we don't have a pre-programmed response for - we suddenly say or do something that we see as logical - but others are hugely offended by.

A classic is if a really unpopular person suddenly dies - everyone says what a lovely person they were - we might say something like "Well no-one liked him anyway!"      The NTs will feign their love of the person and shame you because of your obvious hate of them.    It's that sort of event that can really make you feel very, very different.

The masking is so energy consuming that as we get older, we get more and more fatigued - it can lead to a burn-out in middle age.      Look after yourself - spot the sign early and do something about it - it's all about lowering stress.

Like I mentioned, get to know yourself - your strengths and weaknesses - and figure out how you *really* would like to live your life.   Find out what relaxes you and where you can find sanctuary away from the stress of the world.

I'm a nerd - I was lucky enough to work in nerd industries doing nerd jobs - I did very well - until I ended up working for an incompetent manager who used and abused me for years all while lying to my face and manipulating me behind my back.    Be careful who you trust.

Best wishes for it all!   

I was raised as 'Normal' by my autistic mum, as a result I did everything non-autistics do ( school uni family driving all sorts of jobs ) and I can also see why they have issues with autistics especially the new militant ones who demand things without thought from their employers.

Yes u would be treated differently and if u dont like that dont tell them. 

Yeah I did worry they might treat me differently. 

Thank you! I was worried about how work might treat me.

if it really doesnt affect your work - dont tell anyone, simply because some people ( theres always some :(  )  will discriminate against u ,,,, eg speak to u less.

Some managers can over react and will give you less complex work which gradually weakens your employability.

I strongly advise you to say nothing yet.       This news is a big revelation to you but others may use it against you.     If you get on with your job and all the people you're with, then someone will probably use it to make you feel inferior.     Others may suddenly re-evaluate you as someone who might be unpredictable or untrustworthy.

Let it sink into yourself first - you'll need to do some thinking about why you wanted a diagnosis and what problems you actually suffer with in the workplace or socially.    Unfortunately, we are often seen as people-pleasers and so get manipulated and used and eventually bullied in the workplace.     People will often view you as their token 'special' so they keep you around (to make themselves feel good) but your career goes absolutely nowhere and your performance appraisals will be full of patronising phrases that ensure you can't be promoted.

Socially, you will find out who your friends are - real friends won't care or probably suspected already - but some might use it as a way to beat you down to elevate their social position.   Those people are not your friends.     Be very careful that people might see you as a soft touch and try to use you.

Good luck with it all!