Autistic boyfriend can’t keep a job - any advise would help

Well, I would recommend you try to find him a proper job where he will be confident in what he is doing. Also, I don't want to lie to you. Living with an autistic person is not a shining part of life, but I heard many stories when couples with autistic problems were pretty successful. It depends on personality, conditions, and education. Also, I would suggest you look for some side hustle ideas available in your area. From my experience, your boyfriend can work as a web design specialist from home, web designers have a good salary, and he will work from his place, and other people don't bother him.

It's called uncensored "5..H..1....T"  jobs as apparently I'm being censored

There's a fascinating book called '*** Jobs' that someone wrote a few years ago.  I found it really useful to understand what a job is, the transaction involved in working for somebody, and what motivates people (especially NT's) to do these jobs.  They aren't all low pay low skill either.  Worth buying them a copy?

That's an interesting post Caelus...

I have a different take on the matter, but yours in interesting and opens up some possibilties about how life can work that I'd not considered. 

A cautionary tale though can be taken from my own Aviation "career"..

When it came to career time they asked me what I wanted to do, and I replied "pilot". they then spent a while showing me how much of an impossible dream that was for such as me, involving as it did an R.A.F. apprenticeship or getting a degree. They also pointed out that since I was already fixing electricals for my income, (I enjoyed the challenge fixing presented as much as I enjoyed the challenge that thieving my previous most successful money making endeavour gave me PLUS I was actually entitled keep keep my spoils!) and computers was the next big thing I should look to that. Long story short, after a short career as a radio engineer, a longer one as a computer engineer, I decided to follow my dream.

I quit smoking and used the money saved to buy me one flying lesson per week. It was hard, I swiftly discovered that some flying instructors took an instant dislike to me and that 100 quid hour would be an almost complete waste of my time. Long story short I managed to get in abut 150 hours, own two aeroplanes, do six years of aircraft engineering. but the effort and expenditure required never paid off. I passed a commercial pilot aptitude test, got me a class one medical, but I could never get to practice enough, to get good at it enough, to actually enjoy the experience.And the nature of the people involved is such that I only ever made ONE good friend in about thirty years of being involved in that scene...

Finally I MADE myself quit, because, I realised I was literally wasting my time and money whilst not achieving anything useful, and certainly the aircraft engineering made me miserable, and damaged my shins & skin on a regular basis. for not enough money to actually get to do any flying myself. I thought being an aircraft engineer and pilot would make me a useful thing, an engineer who was able to test fly the thing afterwards, but there simply was no requirement for the two skills to exist together, it seemed, you either flew the things or fixed 'em for the people who could afford to fly the things.

I took my first lesson in 1987 I gradually applied myself more and more to the effort, but by 2016 I took stock, and realised it was the one thing in my life I had invested the most in, and which had delivered me the least joy, and the most unhappiness and fear.

I remember during "Solo Consolidation" (a simple task where having proven yourself capable of flying the aeroplane on one's own for one circuit of the airfield, you do it again repetitively for an hour or two, until they become confident enough to train you for the next bit, flying to a different airfield without getting lost. It was the only time I ever got caught up in the joy of flying and really enjoyed it, without having any worries or finding it to be grim and hard work.

But like you I wasn't going to quit.I knew it would eventually get to be rewarding. Except that it never really did. I do wish I had quit it earlier, and not invested a substantial part of four decades and many thousands of pounds that could have been better spent in "not being a quitter".

It's not enough to be strong in ones aim, you also have to "aim true" to start with. Aviation was a collossal blind alley for me, and sticking at it, was the wrong thing to do for me. Since 2016 I've been "quitting" a LOT more easily than I used to. I've decided that "struggling" is a fools game where one burns off one's energy for an uncertain result, and I will not do that any longer.

MY last job ended within 1 hour of my arriving, although it took me a further few days to realise it, when the new boss started openly mocking my previous employer in the very first meeting I attended. From that moment on, the job which should have been easy became a monumental struggle for me. I would have probably lasted a bit longer but my cat died, unexpectedly, i needed some time to deal with my feelings, and it gave me just enough breathing space to make me realise I did not enjoy working there at all, why I didn't and I that was probably the last time I will ever work for anyone again, outside of a voluntary or very temporary basis. 

You only get one life, and why spend it going somewhere that makes you miserable just so as you can pay the bills that need to be paid just so as you can keep going to that place that makes you miserable?

No wonder that by their thirties people retreat into drugs, drink, hobbies, or the fantasy world of the T.V set.

Yeah man that's why I'm on bank contract now works out better for me as I can do half days so 6 and half hour shifts clock in clock out and I'm done few days on in a week then might be off a whole week then back in Monday till Friday or back in the week after with only two or three shifts a week. It works out pretty nicely and I know longer feel like I'm just working myself to death I need the down time and space away from people to recharge like in my days off inwont make the effort to go out and see people simply cause to much socilising is physically draining and mentally draining rest of the time round I'll be on my playstation or painting I guess but then again I do find myself getting board fast when I'm not in work due to my ADHD but to much time in work and I burn out fast due my Autism it's a hell of a physical and I really hate it at times 

ah 40 hour is my basic contract. my employer was forcing me to do much more during december... one week i was doing 16 hour shifts every single day, i was on the trailer too, throwing millions of parcels coming at me at a fast pace all day none stop rapidly throwing things of all weights and sizes and you couldnt stop ass it would screw the trailer up and back everything up so you had to be like a none stop throwing robot for the entire 16 hours with only a 30 minute break that was all they allowed.... then at end of the last vans at 16 hours i go out of trailer, back feel sore can barely stand anymore, most of other staff fecked off and left a big massive mountain of stuff they didnt scan or complete and im expected to do that there and then after 16 hours in the trailer and wanting to go home, barely able to stand being told to bend over and pick millions of stuff up and scan them, yeah i just went home, got shouted at by the boss for going but only contracted to 40 hours which makes out 8 hours so i told him to be grateful i stayed that long, still shouted at me and spoke down as if me wanting a extra bit of sleep was pathetic, not that i had much time to sleep as i only had like 6 hours until my next shift started at that point. christmas is hell where i work and the bosses dont care about us at all. they never even paid right too and felt like all that work was unpaid and for nothing.

Yeah I mean I like the job have now anyway so don't mind it the job itself is nothing fun but then again what job is fun. But we make the most of it as a team. Get a free lunch too so can't complain. I use to strugel with getting bullied at work myself by colleges to the point where they'd make it an unbeatable environment I also struggled with keeping up with the rest of college's or picking the job up quick enough to be given chance. So you'd basically get bullied especially if you weren't willing to do the same 40 hour weeks like they we're. But for me I suffer from double burnout as I'm ADHD and ASD a 40 hour week would more less be death of me hell almost was literally. As the work I do is pretty phyical labour. 

ESA and PIP   Debt advisors advised me and I applied for  both.  I got rejected for both.  

On the one hand, by employment advisors and job centres,  I get told that I am in perfect physical and mental health and fit for work.

On the other hand, employers, managers, company HR,  tell me that I am unemployable and I end up in low paid jobs that nobody wants to do 

Life is hard.

aye and then hed probably be looking for a admin or retail job to avoid the percieved incompatibility of a warehousing job perhaps... but thats a trap as office jobs become more boring and obnoxious than a warehousing job and people are harder to understand or get along with in a office. while in a warehouse you dont need to understand anyone, just grunt, most people dont speak english anyway, and the loud noises you may get lucky to be in a warehouse that doesnt have constant loud noise but yeah any with constant metal grinding noise id avoid, worked in one like that before and quit in 2 days as it was doing my head in.

maybe so... but if you can get security... a dead end minimum wage job that has security is a good thing..

i know many who quit calling it dead end minimum wage, i warned them not to quit and that they will find it hard to get a job, they thought not as they already had a offer for higher pay job... they lost that job in the first few months and have gone through another 5 jobs since and cant hold a job down now... i prefer security... with security of holding a job down you can build a life and plan.

It is maybe not the urge to quit, but the fact that his autism means he cant cope at all with those jobs.

I think like this all the time when you job stops challenging you just get board and move some where ellse to start over again jobs a dead end when your on minimum wage anyway

i always had the urge to quit... i worked through that by forcing myself through martial arts, and good things came from forcing myself to not quit such as getting fitter being a badass and getting a super toned body and being able to handle life better... i still have urge to quit, but i can fight through it more especially as martial arts was essentially really hard work. my job i have now i wanted to quit many times, especially through the 16 hour shifts through december and the abuse our bosses gave us, but i stuck at it and didnt quit, and really good things came from it, id have regretted quitting... quitting only gives you regret... your boyfriend needs to learn that the urge to quit is temporary, if he toughs it out through that urge to quit it turns better and things get good. everytime i feel the need to quit i always remember it, and always know that when you feel a need to quit that good things always follow if you dont quit... every time i feel that need to quit, if i dont quit, it really pays off, it becomes the best decision of my life to ignore that quit feeling and you see itt, and the more times you do that, the more times you beat that urge to quit, the more times you get a good thing after and the more time you realise that urge to quit is actually a signal that your going in the right direction and good things are ahead.

Realised I replied to the wrong post lol

He would be best to apply for ESA and PIP. Most autistics cant work unless it is in their chosen special field or self employed. Working and having a job is not everything in life. 

Jenny Butterfly said:

If this is his goal, can he gain any additional experience or qualifications that will help to move him towards that position?  Or maybe shift focus slightly towards co-occurring conditions or disabilities, bearing in mind that his future autistic clients may well have additional needs?  Just wondering whether there is any way to draw positives from his current situation and make it more palatable.

I would second this and looking into mentoring https://ndsa.uk/tool-up/

I've always wanted to be in that category and now, later in life (with the mortgage paid), it might be a possibility.  But it does seem to me that enjoyable jobs will attract loads of applicants, driving down wages and driving up competition for these roles, or else moving towards volunteerism.   I think it can be extremely problematic at best.  Is there any research in this area?       

NAS67748 said:

he wants to only work with people who are autistic but they end up getting him to work with other mental illnesses/disabled people but that isn’t his interest

If this is his goal, can he gain any additional experience or qualifications that will help to move him towards that position?  Or maybe shift focus slightly towards co-occurring conditions or disabilities, bearing in mind that his future autistic clients may well have additional needs?  Just wondering whether there is any way to draw positives from his current situation and make it more palatable.

Plastic as ever has the low down. ;)

I have ASD and didnt really know for a lot of years.  I've had a lot of jobs, longest i've ever stayed was 3 years, long ago in an IT job back in the 90s.  I stayed so long because my office was in the server room in the basement and people left me alone to do it.  I explained to my boss on day one that I didnt really do people and had gotten a job where by I specifically didnt have to interact with people on a regular basis.  in return for people not bothering me aas much as possible, I would work hard and keep the servers online and the establishment running.  For 3 years it was absolutely brilliant.  After that they moved me into an office full of people.  I quit.  They tried to rehire me for the old job after my replacement killed the servers overnight, but I have a self rule that i only work at a company only once in my lifetime.  If they burn me for some reason, then thats it.  I move on.

I then worked as roadie, forklift driver, courier, in a supermarket, at Roddhas cream in Cornwall (avoid at all costs) and my average job retention is about 3 months.  I do things, get bored, move on, rinse, repeat.  I also probably have ADHD which im waiting for a diagnosis on.  That may help a little with the boredom bit and lack of motivation and drive, or at least the meds I will get for it will.  I know several people with ASD that have never had a job, several more that have worked for big institutions like the BBC but never really made a lot of money.  Only one person I know who has ASD ever made any real money.  He started a cleaning company and sold it three years later for a 7 figure sum.  He was doing hazmat level cleaning of morgues and other medical facilities.  Made a ton of money doing it.  He is one out of seven.  If you want your boyfriend to have a more permanent job then Autistic Entrepreneur has the best suggestion.  He needs to start his own business, which would then allow him to manage his own project(s).

Probably the best way to avoid these issues is taking time to build his own thing, particularly online where interaction with others is more under his control. I don't know much about his interests, but from what you said so far I'm thinking remote tutoring young autistics maybe a good business to consider. Running it as online work removes the math problem Plastic mentions.