Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi All,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years he has Autism and I’m a NT . We have always had ups and downs and he has always been in and out of work he has just started a new job (1 week in) and already wants to quit. I struggle with reacting in a sympathetic way. I worry about the money side of things - I don’t make enough to cover all our outgoings. So this is my first reaction. He doesn’t think I’m being supportive enough but I’m too worried about money.
Im at a loss of how to feel. I want him to be happy and have a job he loves but I also need him to make enough money to support himself. we talk about having a family one day and I just don’t see how that is possibly.
I’m not really sure what I’m asking or who will see this. Any advise would be helpful.
thanks x
Hi - sorry - got some bad news for you - the vast majority of autistic people are unable to hold down a job. We are poor at playing the NT social game so we stick out like a sore thumb so are bullying targets - and we require very clear and concise instructions and no interruptions while we work - and most workplaces can't be bothered to put the effort in to accommodate us.
There's also a rule of thumb about jobs - there are really only 4 types:
1 Crap job, crap money = most jobs
2 Mega job, crap money = common jobs like vocational, charities, working with animals etc. Lots of these jobs around where you struggle to survive.
3 Crap job, mega money = rare jobs like stock markets or banking where you get loads of dosh, but hate every second of it - but you have the early retirement option to make it worth doing.
4 Mega job, mega money = rarest of all jobs like a Richard Branson position.
Staying with him depends very much on your aspirations in life - if you want the big house and loads of money, you might want to re-think things.
If you really understand and want what makes you both happy, your view of life might need to change.
Hi,
I’m not asking for a big house or lots of money. We bought our first house together last year so we both agreed to get a mortgage of which now I’m the one paying it (along with the bills and groceries) so I’ve become pretty stretched as far as pay check goes. I’m actually having to ask for money from my family so we can get through each month.
My view on life is just want us to be happy but unfortunately you need money to get through life.
Id love to be able to support him financially but I can’t. He wants a job so he can afford to go on holidays and do fun things but he’s just started this new one and already wants out. What can I do to help him? I do tell him that it’s not about what you do so long as you enjoy it.
He is at his happiest when he is not working but after a few weeks of that he is ready to try work again. It always seems that not one company that he has worked for will adjust their way of doing things to accommodate his needs. He tells them from the beginning and then he is just ignored.
Just feeling lost right now and I don’t know who to talk to about all this.
What is it about the job that becomes the problem? Is it the work or the people? Does he have the ability to just go in, do what's needed and take the cash or does he try too hard to make the job fit his needs? Is is a lack of clarity in the task? What causes his inability to cope?
Every job I've had have agreed to lots of accommodations but rarely deliver them. NTs just don't seem to care enough to be constant in their actions.
Jenny Butterfly said:If this is his goal, can he gain any additional experience or qualifications that will help to move him towards that position? Or maybe shift focus slightly towards co-occurring conditions or disabilities, bearing in mind that his future autistic clients may well have additional needs? Just wondering whether there is any way to draw positives from his current situation and make it more palatable.
I would second this and looking into mentoring https://ndsa.uk/tool-up/
NAS67748 said:he wants to only work with people who are autistic but they end up getting him to work with other mental illnesses/disabled people but that isn’t his interest
If this is his goal, can he gain any additional experience or qualifications that will help to move him towards that position? Or maybe shift focus slightly towards co-occurring conditions or disabilities, bearing in mind that his future autistic clients may well have additional needs? Just wondering whether there is any way to draw positives from his current situation and make it more palatable.
He's suffering from a maths problem - we only make up a small percentage of the population so limiting himself to that small area probably won't work out for him. We tend to gravitate to other auties/aspies because it's less stressful than dealing with NTs.
Are you able to talk to him about all this? It seems he's aiming at the jobs where we will fail.
Also, any supervisor where he works should be made to understand that letting the staff pick on him opens them up to financial jeopardy if he takes them to a tribunal under the equalities act.- basically put a rocket up their bums to get with the program.