Finding a relationship

I used Internet dating for a few years without success.  Eventually, I found a great relationship through Plenty of Fish. One Valentine's day, I sent off a lot of messages to possible (in terms of compatibility score, geography etc) women on the site basically saying "Happy Valentine's Day.  Would you like to correspond with me?".  This did the trick.

Could think about it as a type of marketing, to get the product (yourself) noticed in a crowded field.  Here is an example of a guy who came up with a novel idea.  "Single man Mark Rofe hires billboard in bid to find love":

www.bbc.co.uk/.../uk-england-south-yorkshire-51332996

I think dating sites may have changed, from what I hear. I am 50 and met my wife of 15 years on one. Due to social anxiety I could not bring myself to chat up girls in pubs etc, I did not have a clue. All my relationships had been through work until internet dating. Back in the early 2000's I think it was just for serious people there was no swiping , it was more of a lonely hearts type thing. Maybe look at some of the more formal sites, don't get in too far too quick, play it cool and don't appear desperate.

Well, one of my friends has neurofibromatosis, and he's recently married. What you need is someone who's not going to judge you. He's a great guy and at least she can see that. Some people just see the surface. I think in our cases, it's hard to show people our good side so they don't just label us as "weirdos" or something like that. (I've had that, just because of how I look and act... not for anything sinister.)

Hi there!

I found my fiance on a dating site(as stated by many below, this is just great because you can type and therefore think about your answers). We used a somewhat different site (a metalheads based site) this helped alot because we immeddiatly had a common interest so had something to start talking about. So maybe find a site that is for your interest.

I was already diagnosed with Aspergers at the time but my fiance wasnt. I actualy pushed him to get tested because i suspected some form of autism with him. And well. He's totally autistic too.

Also please be aware that you never ever HAVE to find a relationship. We are brought up with the idea that we have to mary and get babies. The babies idea is already slwoly dying but having a relationship says nothing about your quality of life or you as a person. So please dont start a relationship because you have to and only because you love and care about a person and want to be with them.

Also know that with autism (even when the partner also has it) its always hard work to have a relationship. There will be moments that you just cant understand eachother (and partial mutism might make this worse). Usualy the best route for this is to both forgive eachother and just try to work together after a good cry together. We just need a cool down period before this can happen. I learned not to panic when my fiance walks out the door when we have an argument. I know he isnt leaving me. Just leaving the conversation to be able to calm down.

Any questions you have are welcome!

I found dating sites to be totally soul destroying environments to be honest, but then I believed the hype and probably used them for too long. I wasn't aware that I was probably on the spectrum at that point though, I just thought that I was shy! Like Pathfinder and Plastic have said, there's no easy solution unfortunately. In my opinion you are much better off trying things like Meetup and trying to meet like minded people in person as they have said, though I know this is easier said than done. Trust me, I know!!

By the way, I was complimented on my politeness by someone that I met in a Meetup group a while back, so if you do get the chance to offer to walk someone to their door or a station etc, I reckon that they *will* appreciate it!

Good luck!

I agree with __Pathfinder__   Dating sites are not that useful any more.    The people using them have changed - They're now over-populated with blokes looking for a quick shag with no strings and women just looking for their ego to be boosted by the insane amount of attention they get.    Neither are looking for an actual relationship. 

If I were you, I'd get out and explore your hobbies to meet more people or join Meetup.com and do the social scene and see what happens.

Dating sites are not the best way to meet people.  I've done Cupid and POF over the years and had a handful of disaster level dates.  For a time I tried one for people on the spectrum, which wasnt much better.

If you want to meet people and find someone, im afraid it is going to require a multi pronged strategy.  Dating sites are simply one part of it.  Maybe head to your local autism group and get involved.  Join a club if you can, like a walking club or something that isnt going to be a complete overload.  Socialise and put yourself out there, as much as you can tolerate.

Everything takes time.  Oh and dont be too old fashioned (as I was told by one person).  Apparenly walking people to their house and opening doors for people isnt the done thing anymore. ;)

I am still searching.  Maybe it will happen one day.