such is an Aspie; harsh self criticism and logical actions; hence suicide and premature death??? Unless we find a goodway forwards

I *know* that I haven't done the best for my children.

But neither have my parents, nor their parents.

I think what matters is that we did *good enough*.

We are our own harshest critics.

Very interesting from the brother of Ali G. A very complex study. Difficult to know about effective management. Now I worry even more that I have not done the best for my children

I think reference nine in there is the paper I remembered reading.

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-019-0550-x

Childhood trauma, life-time self-harm, and suicidal behaviour and ideation are associated with polygenic scores for autism

i concur

Prof Sarah Cassidy is the expert on this subject in the UK I believe. I have been in touch with her and her official line is that it is not known why asd people have a higher suicide rate than NTs, but my theory is that it is to do with obsessional rumination of negativity. However, doing a study to prove this would be very difficult,although does seem possible. I had tried to start doing it on  another blog site , but got banned as they didn't want / allow research. I seem to get in to trouble whatever I do!

very good logic, but I don't seem able to convince myself, instead I'm burdened with shame and humiliation and  feeling of inevitability, but I will try and think in your idea way. I try and get doctors to do letters to help me and they just ignore me ass they know Ive been talking about suicide for years and am still alive, even though nearly killed on a bike last year. It's the police and CPS who really put the boot in .Never speak to the police if you are arrested as they will always find something to distort and prosecute you with even if it is untrue. There is certainly no  understanding of ASD and they will always think of it as a criminal mindset. Back to rumination ....terrible, bring on the Buddha

It's a horrible thing, I know. My autism diagnosis actually helps me feel less guilty about having suicidal thoughts because, as you say, it's more common amongst people with ASD and there are good reasons why that is - that's not to imply that the reason is simply because life is cr** for us (it isn't necessarily so always) but because of alexithymia and other things that I forget right now. I read a very interesting academic paper on it a month or two back - I'll see if I can find it bookmarked somewhere.

One mental trick that I have found is to use a *previous* episode of suicidal ideation to help unstick me when I start ruminating or prevaricating; I say to myself "If you previously wanted act in such an extreme way as to die, then you can damned well make this purchase without extensive research or live with the fact that you might have previously made mistakes and sod the consequences." Any risk we take now or in the future pales into insignificance alongside the act of suicide. I suppose this aligns a bit with the Buddhist idea that if you can let go of (attachments to) "things" - physical, situational, relational etc, you reduce your suffering. So - if you have ever been prepared to let go of life entirely, use that mental energy instead to let go of "things" whilst staying alive, thinking "sod it" and having fun - what's the worst that could happen?

If you're looking to go, try to get the union guy to suggest to them that they pay you off - better to go with a wad of cash than leaving empty handed.

To be honest their stubboness has played into my hands as it has made me realise that I am better off out of there and retiring early. They are starting to take the matter seriously and have consulted personnel. They will no doubt come back with what they feel are reasonable adjustments but its a bit like shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted.

I love cycling, its my means of escape and can be lost in my thoughts for hours. I mainly cycle on my own in the Cotswolds. I try and cycle 10,000 miles a year. Bikes are a special interest, I also own a Colnago C64 and a Bianchi Oltre

I think you should consult your union representative about your employer’s duty to make reasonable adjustments.

The Equality Act 2010 means you should be allowed reasonable adjustments.

“Duty to make reasonable adjustments – an employer has a duty to make adjustments to allow a level playing field and enable the employee to do their job despite any challenges they may have. This will apply even where the employee does not come forward to ask for certain adjustments. Adjustments for those on the autistic spectrum will need to be considered very much based on consultation with the individual. As there is a wide range of symptoms, we cannot have a one-size-fits-all approach and consultation with the employee and possibly with medical guidance is advisable.”

https://www.lawgazette.co.uk/practice-points/managing-autistic-employees-and-partners-/5067245.article

But you are a cyclist as I was and have a Pinarello. I envy you for that, but am 10 years older than you but regret not taking early retirement. However you will need to work out how you would fill your days and your finances ?voluntary work. There are lots of cycling charities I now find such as pedall https://www.pedall.org.uk/the-bikes/  and https://cyclingwithoutage.org/about/ which seem great.

cycling is great for autism and prevents ruminations I found myself much much worse when I stopped after an accident last year

Are you in the union?    I'd suggest joining one to use their services to help and protect you.

Lots of companies look for weaknesses in older staff to shuffle them off - it's illegal but common - they put you under just enough pressure until you leave by your own volition - it saves them the paperwork hassle of getting rid of anyone not performing or fitting in.

Im a postman, I cant complete my round on time and are forced to miss my breaks. This causes massive anxiety issues for me. I asked if they could adjust my round but they have refused. Im 55 next year so could take early retirement. I wouldnt have much money but at least I would be in control of my life, Since diagnosis I have finally discovered what causes my anxiety issues and I can adjust my private life to avoid the triggers. The problem with work is that I am forced into uncomfortable situations that I have trouble dealing with

Sorry you're having a difficult time - life after kids is difficult for almost everyone - the need to find a new purpose in life often causes stress.     The next big step will probably be the grandparent babysitting duty.  

If you're diagnosed, you definitely have the right to ask for adjustments in the workplace and they are breaking the law by refusing to consider it.   I'm sure someone else will chime in after me to give you the specifics of what you need to do.

What sort of environment do you work in and what sort of adjustments are you asking for?

I suffer quite frequently with suicidal thoughts. These arnt caused by depression but by thinking that I have nothing more to add to my life. I have two children that are now adults have no real need for me any more. I have been through a really difficult time over the past two years leading to me being diagnosed. During that time I have had approx 40 appointments with various so called experts. My family, friends work colleagues have virtually ignored me during over this period, I suppose that's understandable, everyone has their own life and demons to deal with but It definitely would have helped me to have had their support, even the odd kind word would have worked wonders. The only support I get is from my councillor but that's false support and doesnt come from the heart seeing as im paying her £75 a session for the privilege. Ive been off work for 6 weeks, I was struggling with my workload, I asked for adjustments but was told that I wasn't physically disabled so therefore didn't qualify. Not one work colleague (some ive worked with for 20 years) has contacted me, not even a facebook message but like a said before, they've got their own lives.

It's an interesting topic. I would agree that I focus a lot on negativity, what mistakes I have made etc. 

In terms of suicidal thoughts, my method for not killing myself as a teenager was to say "You have to stay alive until 18. If life is still awful by then, fine". I actually wrote a contract and signed it and I'm very rule based so it worked. Then I extended it. Now I have a young child so again there's no possibility that I would take that option. Thankfully suicidal and self harm thoughts are fairly rare now and I generally come out of low moods after a while as long as I make myself get outside, read books, see people.

I totally understand - but you're punishing yourself for things that you, at the time, could not have done any differently - because of the information at hand and they way your brain works - the output is a foregone solution.    All you can ever do is learn from mistakes and add that extra reasoning to any future decisions.    Time gives you the opportunity to learn and make sure you don't repeat bad decisions.