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obesessive regrets and suicide ?Trigger

DaveAsperg

I look on here a lot trying to understand autism and why we have such a high suicide rate. I have been plagued with suicidal ideation for 6 years now and do not want to die, but I don't think many people understand how the 2 opposite thoughts can exist. I have a feeling of inevitability that my life will end soon, but have been prosecuted for this which makes me feel even worse. I have been devoting all my life and finances to trying to beat this, but seem to be failing and the police prosecution and media lack of understanding made things very much worse.

It is well recognised that we as autistics have a high suicide rate and my feeling personally is that is we have such a mental focus on one thing at a time, which is helpful if that is a work related or competitive matter, but terrible if it is a focus on negativity and suicide.

I am in England and should be celebrating the victory today but instead was thinking how I had let my children down by not taking them to the national rugby games in their childhood, when I had the opportunity as living near Twickenham.

Dwelling on negativity, which lots on here do , seems very bad, especially if we reach suicidal ideation.

Distraction ? may help. Keeping busy with positivity if that is possible, but isolation and rumination seems very dangerous.

What do others think??

Can we help solve the problem??

Parents

  • It's a horrible thing, I know. My autism diagnosis actually helps me feel less guilty about having suicidal thoughts because, as you say, it's more common amongst people with ASD and there are good reasons why that is - that's not to imply that the reason is simply because life is cr** for us (it isn't necessarily so always) but because of alexithymia and other things that I forget right now. I read a very interesting academic paper on it a month or two back - I'll see if I can find it bookmarked somewhere.

    One mental trick that I have found is to use a *previous* episode of suicidal ideation to help unstick me when I start ruminating or prevaricating; I say to myself "If you previously wanted act in such an extreme way as to die, then you can damned well make this purchase without extensive research or live with the fact that you might have previously made mistakes and sod the consequences." Any risk we take now or in the future pales into insignificance alongside the act of suicide. I suppose this aligns a bit with the Buddhist idea that if you can let go of (attachments to) "things" - physical, situational, relational etc, you reduce your suffering. So - if you have ever been prepared to let go of life entirely, use that mental energy instead to let go of "things" whilst staying alive, thinking "sod it" and having fun - what's the worst that could happen?

  • in reply to I'm done with Christmas Cards

    very good logic, but I don't seem able to convince myself, instead I'm burdened with shame and humiliation and  feeling of inevitability, but I will try and think in your idea way. I try and get doctors to do letters to help me and they just ignore me ass they know Ive been talking about suicide for years and am still alive, even though nearly killed on a bike last year. It's the police and CPS who really put the boot in .Never speak to the police if you are arrested as they will always find something to distort and prosecute you with even if it is untrue. There is certainly no  understanding of ASD and they will always think of it as a criminal mindset. Back to rumination ....terrible, bring on the Buddha

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  • in reply to I'm done with Christmas Cards

    very good logic, but I don't seem able to convince myself, instead I'm burdened with shame and humiliation and  feeling of inevitability, but I will try and think in your idea way. I try and get doctors to do letters to help me and they just ignore me ass they know Ive been talking about suicide for years and am still alive, even though nearly killed on a bike last year. It's the police and CPS who really put the boot in .Never speak to the police if you are arrested as they will always find something to distort and prosecute you with even if it is untrue. There is certainly no  understanding of ASD and they will always think of it as a criminal mindset. Back to rumination ....terrible, bring on the Buddha

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