obesessive regrets and suicide ?Trigger

Certainly a good idea to try and move on, but I seem to have got caught in 2 really bizarre situations which have had devastating consequences and I now see we’re all to do with my autistic focussed thinking. My wife seems very good at accepting the situation and moving on but I seem to be unable to

This is something I've spent time analysing - I think is because we worry so much about everything that we constantly fault-check every possible option - not knowing instinctively which path to choose, we generate lots of options - and most of them will obviously not pan out - so that means that 90% of our thinking is based around negative paths - and there may be only one possible path ahead of us which might not be ideal - so it adds up to a whole load of negatives.

The only positive you can take from it is that by worrying and planning so much, every decision we've made in the past - right or wrong - was the best / only decision we could have made at the time with the information to hand.     Kicking yourself about it years later is only possible with the benefit of all the extra experience and information we didn't have at the time.     

I've come to terms with the 'best decision at the time' thinking - there's lots of things I'd do differently now in the same situation - but I can only do the best I can making decisions on the fly.

The ability of experienced meditators to change from the DMN (Default Mode Network) which is ruminative, to the TPN (Task Positive Network), the here and now, is measurably enhanced.

Thanks. Very interesting. I too have started Tai Chi and meditation and have used both mirtazepine and venlafaxine, but am struggling 

I have had similar problems with being continually haunted by the spectre of suicide.

After my autism diagnosis it became apparent that to avoid causing my family grief, I would either have to accept being regularly sectioned and heavily medicated, or find my own solution. The health service just doesn’t offer autistic adults another choice nor a credible way forward.

After much research and experimentation, I am pleased to say that I have managed to achieve my aim of being able to escape what I think of as a negativity vortex. For nearly 9 months suicide ideation only visits me infrequently, and when it does I am able change my thinking before it becomes obsessive.

Everyone is different I know, but I will just list what I do. You can either search this forum for my posts on the various methods I use, or post requesting for more information. I take the lowest dosages of mirtazapine and venlafaxine, I meditate, practice Qigong, exercise regularly and drink a cup of GABA fortified oolong tea before bed time. All of these are backed up by sound neuroscientific evidence.

I believe while there's life, there's something to live for, generally.

Perhaps the Autism suicide rate is far higher than average because many of us have faced discrimination due to us being a minority compared to NTs.

In the worst case scenario where someone feels they have no hope left, I think art can be one of the best aids. In Shakespeare's play "Hamlet" the prince is in an awful situation where he's being tormented by the new marriage of his mother the queen with his uncle, a malicious man.

The prince contemplates whether to kill himself, "to be or not to be", and doesn't know how to get the message out of the injustices that have occurred. So he writes a play and has actors perform it and the play shines a light on what has happened.

I think quite a few writers have written fictional stories that were based on injustices they themselves experienced or people they cared about.

Very nice to have a comment from the heart, Also acknowledging that "this too shall pass" is a cliche and for some it does not. I too am a Christian, was a church warden and very involved with church, but aware I am no longer much use to them and have a much lesser role now than before ( is this status anxiety - self depricating again). God has a role for all of us and may be my role is not to be around much longer. My 3 children are all medics and understand somewhat, but we medics (of the old style) were always happy to put ourselves out for others ?even if it meant severe pain and loss. Most current doctors do not seem to work in the same commitment to a vocation, but seem very focussed on money and workload and their outside life. I was speaking to another older doc recently , who was continuously on duty for 6 months with only 2 hours off duty!

In my day......................

I appreciate any comments, what ever they are, but hope this won't get taken down ( maybe it won't at weekends as less monitoring)

It's important to have something to "hold on to", when the suicidal thoughts are at their strongest, and it ideally needs to be there already because when the time comes you aren't thinking straight. It will differ from person to person, but for me now the things which would stop me are my children and my Christian faith. (Not through fear of hell, but by having a belief in a loving God who exists beyond all the c**p happening in the world and inside my own head.) And sometimes just thinking that I could end my life if I chose has, ironically, calmed me down enough not to do it.

On occasions when I've had suicidal thoughts, I can see that it has been more of a desperate wish to be out of a distressing situation in which there seems no other way out, rather than a wish to die. "This too shall pass" is a cliché which can sound very trite, especially if you're in the metaphorical abyss, but it's still true.

(I hope I haven't caused anyone unintentional distress with my reply.)