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obesessive regrets and suicide ?Trigger

DaveAsperg

I look on here a lot trying to understand autism and why we have such a high suicide rate. I have been plagued with suicidal ideation for 6 years now and do not want to die, but I don't think many people understand how the 2 opposite thoughts can exist. I have a feeling of inevitability that my life will end soon, but have been prosecuted for this which makes me feel even worse. I have been devoting all my life and finances to trying to beat this, but seem to be failing and the police prosecution and media lack of understanding made things very much worse.

It is well recognised that we as autistics have a high suicide rate and my feeling personally is that is we have such a mental focus on one thing at a time, which is helpful if that is a work related or competitive matter, but terrible if it is a focus on negativity and suicide.

I am in England and should be celebrating the victory today but instead was thinking how I had let my children down by not taking them to the national rugby games in their childhood, when I had the opportunity as living near Twickenham.

Dwelling on negativity, which lots on here do , seems very bad, especially if we reach suicidal ideation.

Distraction ? may help. Keeping busy with positivity if that is possible, but isolation and rumination seems very dangerous.

What do others think??

Can we help solve the problem??

Parents

  • This is something I've spent time analysing - I think is because we worry so much about everything that we constantly fault-check every possible option - not knowing instinctively which path to choose, we generate lots of options - and most of them will obviously not pan out - so that means that 90% of our thinking is based around negative paths - and there may be only one possible path ahead of us which might not be ideal - so it adds up to a whole load of negatives.

    The only positive you can take from it is that by worrying and planning so much, every decision we've made in the past - right or wrong - was the best / only decision we could have made at the time with the information to hand.     Kicking yourself about it years later is only possible with the benefit of all the extra experience and information we didn't have at the time.     

    I've come to terms with the 'best decision at the time' thinking - there's lots of things I'd do differently now in the same situation - but I can only do the best I can making decisions on the fly.

  • in reply to Plastic

    Certainly a good idea to try and move on, but I seem to have got caught in 2 really bizarre situations which have had devastating consequences and I now see we’re all to do with my autistic focussed thinking. My wife seems very good at accepting the situation and moving on but I seem to be unable to

Reply Children
  • in reply to DaveAsperg

    I totally understand - but you're punishing yourself for things that you, at the time, could not have done any differently - because of the information at hand and they way your brain works - the output is a foregone solution.    All you can ever do is learn from mistakes and add that extra reasoning to any future decisions.    Time gives you the opportunity to learn and make sure you don't repeat bad decisions.