Newly Diagnosed, My Life Is Ruined!

In March 2019, I was given a full diagnosis of Autism (Asperger's Syndrome). It did come as a shock to both me and my family. I'd always known that I was different to my friends and a bit quieter, but I legitimately thought that was OK. It now clearly wasn't. I started University last Autumn (don't want to reveal what/where I studied at) but after I received no support for my diagnosis and mental health, everything plummeted. Emails weren't getting answered quickly and when they were, it was always on the lines of "you're lazy, you've got no brains etc". I made the decision to stop going, the environment was toxic. Some of the students were nasty towards me, often blanking me out during group work sessions or leaving me out of events for no apparent reason. I live at home with my parents. For the past few months since the diagnosis, I've realised that I'm a huge failure. I have a lifelong disability and being the only family member with a disability, I've been too ashamed to open up to anyone about how I feel, since no-one can relate to me.

I finally told some family about my diagnosis but they reacted negatively. Calling me once again "lazy" and "you didn't try hard enough." I haven't spoken to them and have even considered cutting them out of my life altogether. I have a boyfriend and been together for nearly two years. He was shocked by my diagnosis, but is still with me. I've told him all the time that I'm stupid, useless and that he should look for someone else. I've been trying to get help and support to come to terms with my diagnosis at age 20, but to no avail. Either long waiting lists, expensive private appointments or no replies to my messages. I literally have nothing left.

I'm fully convinced that I'm a total failure, the life that I truly wanted is now ruined. My education life has always been rocky from the start. This was my dream Uni and course, but I feel that I've been pushed away due to their lack of understanding. I'm generally paranoid to look for a job. Not because I don't want to, not because I'm trying to be lazy. I'M TOO ANXIOUS TOO. But I need the money. I do get some from a family member but that's not me doing it for myself.

I'm very depressed and basically, there's no hope left. I'm now in debt. Alone. Struggling. This forum posting here is a risk. I used to post on a different website but I got trolled, so here I am opening myself up again...

If someone/anyone can truly help me before this situation gets worse, I'll be eternally grateful. 

Ally.

Parents
  • Your University definitely has a service or advisor for disabilities. Contact them please.  Ask student services if you are not sure howbp to find them.  You can get support  and reasonable adjustments to help you study such as extensions, equipment, special library services and above all some respect and understanding. The key is to get it on paper. Then anyone at the University who knowingly discriminates against you is breaking the law.  I work in education so I  know this for certain.

    And if anyone gives you a hard time just point out the long list of highly intelligent people in history with ASD conditions. Like Einstein...

  • I have been in multiple contacts with the disability advisor, and other members of student support. They told me that I wouldn't be able to get any adjustments unless I waited 8-10 weeks to be tested for DSA. By this stage, I still hadn't got other software I was promised to help me finish even a term's worth of work. To be honest, they really don't want to know about me and my struggles. If they did, then this would have been sorted out by now. Instead, I'm facing an uncertain future full of debt, upset and no longer having trusts with anyone!

Reply
  • I have been in multiple contacts with the disability advisor, and other members of student support. They told me that I wouldn't be able to get any adjustments unless I waited 8-10 weeks to be tested for DSA. By this stage, I still hadn't got other software I was promised to help me finish even a term's worth of work. To be honest, they really don't want to know about me and my struggles. If they did, then this would have been sorted out by now. Instead, I'm facing an uncertain future full of debt, upset and no longer having trusts with anyone!

Children
  • Sorry for late reply to your post. I did try to reach out to my course leader, but that failed as well. He said that he was sadden to hear of my ASD diagnosis but didn't offer any means of supporting me whatsoever. 

  • Dear Ally 

    These people have to help you under disability and equality legislation. If you already  have a diagnosis you don't have to wait for help. And as for software  there are many free downloads you can use and built in adjustments to the main things like MS Word and major browsers . You are also entitled to things like extra time in exams and possibly better accommodation. They should know about this. Whoever you spoke to sounds a bit useless at their job to be honest! If I were you I  would complain about them to the students union. Also someone like your advisor of studies or course leader  should be made aware. You don't need to fail, nobody wants that.

    On a personal note I  would just like to say that university is a shallow place. You might be expecting too much from people in general in terms of support and understanding. Focus totally on your own well-being so you can get to a place where you can pass your courses . This is your only priority .If you happen to meet someone you can get along with that is a bonus and a blessing, but these things take time.

    Best of luck