I don’t want to be autistic anymore

u'ver replied to something over 3 years old

u'ver replied to something over 3 years old

Basically, don't explain.

Do other people go around explaining why they are who they are (excluding Americans on TV shows) I think not. 

It's hard but you have to be who you are regardless if people don't like it, oh well tough ***. 

• Is way more than i can manage now,so there's 2 on here think it's alot.

Unfortunately sounds like my area,think is happening in alot of places,even some cities.

"Didnt sound sincere" ! Wow,that beats my ex calling me selfish! I'd leave her be for a week or two as said already.

It sounds like ur friend doesnt understand how things simple to her affect u,almost as if she has more to deal with than u,only my opinion. I had this with last ex who was a friend for 6 yrs,now in mind is no different being with her than without. I have wasted alot of time on people who didnt deserve it,hope this isn't what u have. Alot of people dont understand how i dont even work anymore-i worked for yrs having seizure after seizure,since giving up the stresses of work(mostly the people),seizures practically non existent now. U need someone to talk to other than the friend,perhaps leave the friend alone for a week or two. If they contact u in that time,might be positive.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...who are you and why are you saying this? Are you Autistic yourself and just expressing how you feel we are perceived? Because if you're neurotypical and this is what you genuinely believe and you've come on here to say all this in a safe space for Autistic people and those who love them, then that is out of order, ignorant, ableist, hateful and deeply unkind. Actually getting educated will do wonders for your anger. And if you are Autistic and believe this, then please believe me when I tell you we are just as good as anyone; we deserve the good things of life just as much as anyone. We are welcome in society; we have a lot to contribute to it. We are not 'lesser people' and we do not make those around us 'lesser people'...how other people develop is independent of us. We are only a tiny part of other people's lives. NT people may generally find relationships easier in the conventional sense but that doesn't mean they automatically bond and click with everyone they meet. It certainly doesn't make them better than us. They aren't perfect. If someone is putting this toxic, ignorant ideology in your head then I suggest you distance yourself from them. What they're saying is not true.

...keep in mind you're also doing all that in an NT world, which is going to be much harder for you than  your NT friend (no offence to your friend).

please do not do this, this is the worse tactic and may be why you are already feeling so out of control and confused. 

Maybe it's time to pull back, 15 hours work, a pony, housework AND taking care of yourself everyday? making food, keeping clean etc, if you are doing all this you are already doing a LOT...maybe write to your friend explaining your needs - if you can, in the meantime, I wouldn't take on any more.

We live in a world where the basic necessities of 'living' have no value, that, in my opinion, says we live in a world which does not value life. 

I understand why you don't want to be autistic any more, I feel like that often too, but we're not the problem, we really aren't. 

NAS36107 said:

I feel like if I take on more and more and just keep going I’ll eventually break through and manage it. I feel so out of control and confused.

My comments - no wonder asperger people are not accepted. They are different. They get on peoples nerves, they dont fit in. THey dont deserve the good things of life. They should be locked out of sight. THey are weird. In fact they do that already as a) As little children, they try to join in socially at school. They get shunned. Then there is a particular classmate who take it on themselves to point out to others the difference. b) With their difference, they are an embarrassment to their parents, who dont parade them in front of family and friends. Tey are constanlty told they cant do this, cant do that, shut up. c) Teachers join in the fun. d) As adults they go to work. Employers dont accept them into a job. If they do, they sack them for being shy or for being incapable e) All that contributes to depression. f) People change their demeanour after a few minutes towards them. g) No job, loosing home or not having and now instead of sitting at the computer and playing lego, they are homeless. And quietly die away. Much cheaper than methods used by the *** to eliminate people who did not fit in with society. And finally - whenever a bunch of neurotypical people get together, invisibly they bond, understand and get on. Its like duck to a water. So asperger people are not welcome in society. Society is better without them

I try and think of life as like playing a card game (say bridge or something).  You can't change the hand you're dealt, but you can at least aim to get satisfaction from trying to play you have to the best of your ability.

I think a lot of the time, it's just a matter of perception. Once people know that you are Autistic they treat you differently, rather than just assuming that you are a bit eccentric. For example, if you are upset about something they don't understand, rather than trying to find out why they might just assume its because you are on the Autistic Spectrum.

I was only diagnosed last year in my mid fifties, but I have noticed that since I have told people, if I do anything they think is odd, they will quite often use comments like "That's probably because you are Autistic". It doesn't bother me so much when they are talking about me having a good memory for certain things, or having a very black & white deterministic view of the world, but I suppose it is unintentionally patronising sometimes.

Whilst there are far too many things about myself that I hate, the Autism diagnosis isn't really one of them, it's just an inseperable part of what I am, i.e. if I wasn't autistic then I wouldn't be me. It's true there are quite a few people whose lives look far more appealing than mine & I don't just mean celebrities either, money & fame don't really seem to make people happy.

I quite often see young fathers in the supermarket laughing with their families & think "Why couldn't my life have been like that", but I don't know whether they are really happy or if in six months time they will be going through a divorce even more horrible than the one I endured thirty years ago. The majority of other people I see in the supermarket though, look stressed or unhappy & I really wouldn't want their lives at all. Even my close friends who I care about very much, I certainly wouldn't want their lives either.

I suffer quite badly from depression & my life is like a 'Train Wreck', but at least it's familiar. I sometimes think it would be nice to be like everyone else, but when I try to think of specific examples, I am reminded that almost everyone tries to project a false image of happiness that doesn't stand up to scrutiny.

There have been stories in the media about Autism almost being a Superpower or the next stage in evolution. Whilst I don't believe that nonsense & find many of the articles quite patronising, I certainly don't think of it as a disabilty either. I'm just different & since my diagnosis, I understand more about why that is & how to plan my life around it. If you explain to close friends that certain things will always affect you in a given way (good or bad), then generally they will be quite understanding & often be happy or feel complimented that you confided in them. If not, then maybe they aren't such good friends.

Probably rambled on a bit too much now, but I hope some of it was at least vaguely helpful.

Yes, it is a bit of a postcode lottery trying to find support in adulthood

I am not saying the following links will necessarily be of use but you may find something there to help you.

Access to Work: 

https://www.gov.uk/access-to-work

Autism Links.  You may find something here, but you will probably have to go through a lot of dead ends (child autism) before you find adult help:

https://www.autismlinks.co.uk/independence#enablement

Even though you probably don't live in the West Midlands, there are some good printable bits of information on the Autism West Midlands site:

https://www.autismwestmidlands.org.uk/online-resources/information-resources/

Plus there are online groups, facebook pages, to help people who are autistic and give advice.  Not forgetting the resource of this community.

That's ok, my response was reluctant to send as well. It must be the forum, maybe a system bug thing?

She probably needs to take some time to calm down as well. Give it some time for a bit, see how you feel say tomorrow. You should feel a lot better.

Good idea on getting exercise. When you exercise it releases a chemical in your body that naturally reduces anxiety, so exercise when you can as it's very good for you both physically and mentally.

I agree with the poster below, finding a support group locally might be a good idea as well. Get some help and understanding, that will help you out. Unfortunately there was no such group in my village.

Good luck.

Faith x

All the things you have said I feel and understand completely. I wish I could switch it all off but I can’t can I... 

The sad thing is I feel like I’ve explained all this and more to my friend and yet she still interprets me coping with things on the surface as me actually ‘not being that bad’. 

Unfortunately there isn’t any support for people where I live. There’s a group for children, a group for parents of autistic children and then a Lego group. It’s like they think once you turn 18 autism mysteriously disappears. 

Thank you for your reply. 

Thank you for your reply Faith. This is the second attempt so I apologise it there are two...

I tried to apologise but I just made it worse because she told me to stop saying sorry because it didn’t sound sincere even though it was. I don’t understand how sorry can’t be sincere. Part of me wants to see her right now and just explain without interruption what I am feeling so that she can just say “oh now I get it” but I can’t. Another part of me wants to leave her alone and hope she forgets me because I’m not good enough to be her friend but I like her care about her very much.

I feel so massively self destructive at the moment. The part of me that has an eating disorder says the only way I’ll manage this is to restrict food and exercise daily and I can’t deny how strong that desire is. 

I just want to be like a normal person. I want to go out and feel ok and know what to do. I don’t know anyone who is autistic and I don’t socialise or work with people my own age. It hit me pretty hard recently that I become suddenly very aware of how ill prepared I am for adulthood. I don’t know how to behave or dress. I don’t know how to do make up or talk to men. I don’t fit in anywhere. It sounds pathetic but I wanted my friend to help me with these things but I’m too ashamed to ask now, particularly as she said in her text that it’s not her responsibility to explain boundaries to me. 

Anyway thanks for replying. I’ll try and just let it all go and breathe. 

It is very difficult at times to accept things.  And autism, being a condition that cannot be 'cured' can be very frustrating. Being autistic is not a lifestyle choice, it is how I am and how you are.

I suppose I was lucky in one way not knowing I was autistic until I was in my sixties.  But knowing made a lot of my feelings, my behaviour, the way I saw things, 'click' into place.  And that is not to say it didn't take some coming to terms with.

The only way you can appear to not be autistic is to mask your autistic traits.  Sometimes this will work, and I had sixty years of doing this in an attempt to appear 'normal'.  However there is a consequence in this of frustration, anxiety, depression, of which you may be suffering.  And your autism is not going away however much you try to mask it.

Have you tried contacting a local support group?  You may have one close to you, perhaps even partly funded by your local authority although this seems to be becoming rarer due to government cuts.   Or as you are working, have you tried contacting Access to Work, who may be able to provide support at work and help you with adjustments.  I get a support worker for two sessions of nearly two hours each per month, funded by Access to Work, where I can discuss any problems I have, and my management can get an understanding of any 'unusual' behaviour traits I may have. (The sessions are confidential and your employer would not know what was said without your permission for your support worker to talk to your employer about what was bothering you).

I am not ashamed of being autistic.  Although I can get on ok in most situations, I do not get on well in social situations at all.  I am the last person anyone would want at a party.  But that is not anyone's concern but mine, I just refuse any invitations.  A lot of the 'problems' of being autistic are caused by peoples attitudes to being different.  You may be very sensitive to noise, smells, tastes, touch and taste, even if others find them agreeable you may dislike some of these intensely.  You may not like change, find it difficult to pick up after an interruption, have delayed understanding to what people say or take things literally.  All of these affect me, and sometimes it can be stressful or I feel a fool when I realise that I have not understood something properly. 

And however much I try to put it to the back of my mind, it can still cause great anxiety when I find out I have misunderstood, and it is extremely frustrating when others do not understand the points I am making.