I don’t want to be autistic anymore

I think a lot of the time, it's just a matter of perception. Once people know that you are Autistic they treat you differently, rather than just assuming that you are a bit eccentric. For example, if you are upset about something they don't understand, rather than trying to find out why they might just assume its because you are on the Autistic Spectrum.

I was only diagnosed last year in my mid fifties, but I have noticed that since I have told people, if I do anything they think is odd, they will quite often use comments like "That's probably because you are Autistic". It doesn't bother me so much when they are talking about me having a good memory for certain things, or having a very black & white deterministic view of the world, but I suppose it is unintentionally patronising sometimes.

Whilst there are far too many things about myself that I hate, the Autism diagnosis isn't really one of them, it's just an inseperable part of what I am, i.e. if I wasn't autistic then I wouldn't be me. It's true there are quite a few people whose lives look far more appealing than mine & I don't just mean celebrities either, money & fame don't really seem to make people happy.

I quite often see young fathers in the supermarket laughing with their families & think "Why couldn't my life have been like that", but I don't know whether they are really happy or if in six months time they will be going through a divorce even more horrible than the one I endured thirty years ago. The majority of other people I see in the supermarket though, look stressed or unhappy & I really wouldn't want their lives at all. Even my close friends who I care about very much, I certainly wouldn't want their lives either.

I suffer quite badly from depression & my life is like a 'Train Wreck', but at least it's familiar. I sometimes think it would be nice to be like everyone else, but when I try to think of specific examples, I am reminded that almost everyone tries to project a false image of happiness that doesn't stand up to scrutiny.

There have been stories in the media about Autism almost being a Superpower or the next stage in evolution. Whilst I don't believe that nonsense & find many of the articles quite patronising, I certainly don't think of it as a disabilty either. I'm just different & since my diagnosis, I understand more about why that is & how to plan my life around it. If you explain to close friends that certain things will always affect you in a given way (good or bad), then generally they will be quite understanding & often be happy or feel complimented that you confided in them. If not, then maybe they aren't such good friends.

Probably rambled on a bit too much now, but I hope some of it was at least vaguely helpful.

I think a lot of the time, it's just a matter of perception. Once people know that you are Autistic they treat you differently, rather than just assuming that you are a bit eccentric. For example, if you are upset about something they don't understand, rather than trying to find out why they might just assume its because you are on the Autistic Spectrum.

I was only diagnosed last year in my mid fifties, but I have noticed that since I have told people, if I do anything they think is odd, they will quite often use comments like "That's probably because you are Autistic". It doesn't bother me so much when they are talking about me having a good memory for certain things, or having a very black & white deterministic view of the world, but I suppose it is unintentionally patronising sometimes.

Whilst there are far too many things about myself that I hate, the Autism diagnosis isn't really one of them, it's just an inseperable part of what I am, i.e. if I wasn't autistic then I wouldn't be me. It's true there are quite a few people whose lives look far more appealing than mine & I don't just mean celebrities either, money & fame don't really seem to make people happy.

I quite often see young fathers in the supermarket laughing with their families & think "Why couldn't my life have been like that", but I don't know whether they are really happy or if in six months time they will be going through a divorce even more horrible than the one I endured thirty years ago. The majority of other people I see in the supermarket though, look stressed or unhappy & I really wouldn't want their lives at all. Even my close friends who I care about very much, I certainly wouldn't want their lives either.

I suffer quite badly from depression & my life is like a 'Train Wreck', but at least it's familiar. I sometimes think it would be nice to be like everyone else, but when I try to think of specific examples, I am reminded that almost everyone tries to project a false image of happiness that doesn't stand up to scrutiny.

There have been stories in the media about Autism almost being a Superpower or the next stage in evolution. Whilst I don't believe that nonsense & find many of the articles quite patronising, I certainly don't think of it as a disabilty either. I'm just different & since my diagnosis, I understand more about why that is & how to plan my life around it. If you explain to close friends that certain things will always affect you in a given way (good or bad), then generally they will be quite understanding & often be happy or feel complimented that you confided in them. If not, then maybe they aren't such good friends.

Probably rambled on a bit too much now, but I hope some of it was at least vaguely helpful.