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I don’t want to be autistic anymore

NAS36107

I don’t want to be autistic anymore. 

I feel utterly overwhelmed and I’m behaving awfully. I don’t feel myself or feel even remotely happy anymore.

I tried to talk to the only person I am friends with and she said I don’t do anything, I only work 15 hours, look after a pony a few times a week and housework, so I don’t have any reason to be tired or not coping. I felt so confused by her phone call. 

Ive been so unhappy I get so upset and angry and I’ve been lashing out because I want her to be easier to understand and more structured. I asked her if I could talk to her about this and be honest about everything because I’m finding it hard to know what’s ok to do and say. But she just said I can’t control her and that’s the last thing I want. 

All ive done is make everything worse. I’ve been reading her texts over and over getting more and more upset. 

I’ve been selfish and horrible and rude and I hate myself for being like this. 

I don’t want to do this anymore I just want to be like everyone else. 

I feel like if I take on more and more and just keep going I’ll eventually break through and manage it. I feel so out of control and confused. I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say now. 

Ive pushed away the only person I had as a friend and now I have no one at all. I’ve almost resigned myself to the fact I’m never going to be understood so instead of trying to explain myself to people I may as well just pretend it’s not even real. 

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  • My comments - no wonder asperger people are not accepted. They are different. They get on peoples nerves, they dont fit in. THey dont deserve the good things of life. They should be locked out of sight. THey are weird. In fact they do that already as a) As little children, they try to join in socially at school. They get shunned. Then there is a particular classmate who take it on themselves to point out to others the difference. b) With their difference, they are an embarrassment to their parents, who dont parade them in front of family and friends. Tey are constanlty told they cant do this, cant do that, shut up. c) Teachers join in the fun. d) As adults they go to work. Employers dont accept them into a job. If they do, they sack them for being shy or for being incapable e) All that contributes to depression. f) People change their demeanour after a few minutes towards them. g) No job, loosing home or not having and now instead of sitting at the computer and playing lego, they are homeless. And quietly die away. Much cheaper than methods used by the *** to eliminate people who did not fit in with society. And finally - whenever a bunch of neurotypical people get together, invisibly they bond, understand and get on. Its like duck to a water. So asperger people are not welcome in society. Society is better without them

  • in reply to NAS73694

    Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...who are you and why are you saying this? Are you Autistic yourself and just expressing how you feel we are perceived? Because if you're neurotypical and this is what you genuinely believe and you've come on here to say all this in a safe space for Autistic people and those who love them, then that is out of order, ignorant, ableist, hateful and deeply unkind. Actually getting educated will do wonders for your anger. And if you are Autistic and believe this, then please believe me when I tell you we are just as good as anyone; we deserve the good things of life just as much as anyone. We are welcome in society; we have a lot to contribute to it. We are not 'lesser people' and we do not make those around us 'lesser people'...how other people develop is independent of us. We are only a tiny part of other people's lives. NT people may generally find relationships easier in the conventional sense but that doesn't mean they automatically bond and click with everyone they meet. It certainly doesn't make them better than us. They aren't perfect. If someone is putting this toxic, ignorant ideology in your head then I suggest you distance yourself from them. What they're saying is not true.

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  • in reply to NAS73694

    Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...who are you and why are you saying this? Are you Autistic yourself and just expressing how you feel we are perceived? Because if you're neurotypical and this is what you genuinely believe and you've come on here to say all this in a safe space for Autistic people and those who love them, then that is out of order, ignorant, ableist, hateful and deeply unkind. Actually getting educated will do wonders for your anger. And if you are Autistic and believe this, then please believe me when I tell you we are just as good as anyone; we deserve the good things of life just as much as anyone. We are welcome in society; we have a lot to contribute to it. We are not 'lesser people' and we do not make those around us 'lesser people'...how other people develop is independent of us. We are only a tiny part of other people's lives. NT people may generally find relationships easier in the conventional sense but that doesn't mean they automatically bond and click with everyone they meet. It certainly doesn't make them better than us. They aren't perfect. If someone is putting this toxic, ignorant ideology in your head then I suggest you distance yourself from them. What they're saying is not true.

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