Lonliness

Social isolation is common with Autism/Aspergers. I think it’s because it seeking help doesn’t always come naturally and sustaining connections with people can be tricky. Some people are content in their own company and are able to navigate well.   

I've got teo dogs and the older one is super sensitive and feels my meltdowns coming. Unfortunately I have major issues controlling them and he gets so stressed out that I am always left with guilt feelings afterwards :-(

The other dog isn't so much affected by anything really. But also doesn't like the meltdowns.

It is only recently that I have noticed that the older dog senses the meltdowns coming and I at least try to control or avert them :-(

I admire you for controlling your meltdowns!!!

I'm alone 24/7 most of the year. Was the opposite years ago and was always with someone. I would even go raving...I think I was sensory seeking or something because I hate noise and loud music now. Not sure what happened to those days though. Autism I guess. And I don't know if I prefer the company of people or solitude. BUT lonely. Not really. Not going out for a week does seem to make time slow down and the days feel less full than they do when able to go out and possibly say hello to a few people. BUT thats not lonely is it ?. I see that dogs have been mentioned in this thread and I must say that after many many weeks of should I shouldn't I...I got a lovely 3 yr old mutt a month ago. And she is great company and gets me out the house long enough to break the day up. I'd suggest that anyone prone to meltdowns may benefit from having a dog around. Stroking them is calming...and I must admit I frightened my dog once when I first got her and now I know the effect meltdowns have on her I have to try extra hard to hang on to a TINY bit of control. Its not easy to control the uncontrollable BUT so far so good !! because theres been less meltdowns in the last month than there usually is ! (:

Sometimes i feel lonely, and it does upset me. Only this weekend i felt that way, i think its more social pressure though, im meant to have a group of girlfriends and we are meant to all hang out etc, especially being at uni its such a big expectation. I hang out qith people at uni to "fit in" but i dont class them as my friends and i find it quitw tiring. 

I also find friends i do have or have had in the past (my friendshios dont last long as i get fed up) sometimes make me feel more lonely because they realise im not as fun cos i dont want to go out and talk to all these new people they have just met roght then and there, and i also get the brain fog wherei call it "white noise" i just completly dissociate from my surroundings and stop paying attention and cant concentrate on conversations. 

However most of the time im content, im used to being alone as a kid i only liked playing by myself and ive grown up having more fun doing things on my own  its harder then its meant to be a social thing and its odd to do it by yourself. 

Ay the moment i only have 1 friend and i can manage, i find it hard with anymore then that sometimes

I am in a similar situation. I was masking when I was younger too. This took a lot of energy from me and caused a lot of anxiety.

Now I do this less and less as I do not want to do this anymore and I do not see the point. Makes me to feel better.

I'd have a dog, but I have tried going in the house of someone who had a hairless dog and I still ended up with an asthma attack of sorts. 

Cats, nope, not a cat person, have a dislike for them.  The one that keeps defecating on the back lawn is especially provoking me into doing something about it, aside from the continual use of pet repellent powders.  A bucket of water might suffice (to throw on it).

I think it might not even necessarily be the somewhat less flexible mind as one gets older. In my case it's also being just slightly done with it all.

Now if you'd ask people that know me they'll tell you that I am considerate and concerned about others. Which I find slightly hilarious in a way.

Always a pleasure to catch up with you. Great thread topic and as you say, quite pertinent. 

I've tried taking the initiative, but people usually just tell me that they are busy.... and when someone else asks them a couple weeks later, they will make plans go together. 

Thanks for your suggestions about going to the cinema when it's quiet and taking language courses. I've actually never thought of taking language courses as a way to travel. It's a really good idea!

It's probably not of your interest but there are cats and dogs for allergic people.

I am highly allergic myself and still have pets. I just clean like a crazy maniac :-D

Loneliness is probably one of my biggest problems.  I would also love a relationship with someone, but people like me (and probably some of you) are few and far between and finding someone who likes you and isnt a complete a****** is even harder.  Also I suck at conversation and really have to pull out all the stops if I want to engage in it.  So I tend to avoid it.  Which makes talking to women a real interesting thing and extremely hard work.

Also I'm allergic to pets, so that option is out the window.

Yep. I totally get what you say about solutions. And I'm not an unsympathetic person. You may be right - perhaps it's to do with getting older.

Hi California

I'm sure this is really difficult for you. My other half and I were at school together - long, long ago! I was much better at 'masking' when I was younger so I guess easier to get to know.

Hi Ellie, thanks for your response - I was concerned I might cause offence posting this. It's just that there's been so much written lately about how we should all be highly social, otherwise we risk increasing the likelihood of illness and early death! I'm sure it's the other way around for me!

I'm not for the us-them separation as I consider NT's the normal kind. Prople with autism just think differently (at least that is what they told me).

I try to stay away from people as I've become blunt and without patience. 

Pffft, if I give you solution A, B and C to your problem, then at least do something. Take your time and think about it, but stop complaining and not doing anything. It's fine if you don't act, but then don't complain.

I'm not so sure NT's live in a fantasy world. I do think it is a world where people mostly pretend and lie. A lot. And surely don't want to hear the truth.

I think the older I get, the less flexible I am. My mind has become too analytical, I'm afraid.

It's usually like that, isn't it? You feel loneliest in a group of people :-|

And being alone has nothing to do with loneliness, I agree.

To me loneliness is a state of mind and a very different situation to being alone.

I live alone.  When alone, sometimes I'm lonely and depressed.  At other times I feel content.

Sometimes I'm with people and yet I feel more lonely than ever. 

I've dealt with NTs for years - they are full of sh**. They go through their lives making excuses why they didn't do X or Y but in reality it's because they are scared little children.

They then invent layers of 'reasons' why they never do anything, and more layers on top to justify their reasons.

Unfortunately, one of my skills is seeing through complex problems and giving simple solutions.

They hate that.

They need these excuses otherwise they would have to admit they are total failures - and that doesn't sit well with them - so they are happy in their fantasy world.

Well, the problem lies with me ofcourse. I can't do the chit chat small talk thing. I have tried... But I always end up talking about something that bothers the other person - and I come up with solutions. Usually multiple ones to choose from.

But it seems to me that people don't want solutions. They just want to complain?

What's the use of that?

Granted, I have made some funny decisions but at least I made decisions.

Blank said:

It's fine the first two meetings and then when I have figured out their issues, I always end up thinking they are somewhat stupid for not taking my advice or at least making a decision.

I do that - it's amazing how many NTs are bound up by simple issues. The engineer in me wants to tell them how to sort it out and 'fix' them - but the experienced-me knows it would be bad to point out their major malfunctions to their face. NT's seem to need this neurosis in their lives - it makes them 'different' and unique.