What is it like for you making friends

Good point! Lol. MUD friends

I feel like it's some sort of test that I am forever failing! My jaw locks and the back of my head starts to really hurt when I'm trying to talk to people in real life... so many sensations and none of them seem pleasant Forever feeling like I want friends but cannot actually deal with everything that comes along with it 

CrazyCatLady222 said:

it can be really hurtful when I see she has been out with her other friends and not me

I've had years of taking things to heart - and on reflection I think (mostly) NT people don't mean to be hurtful, they just don't THINK the same way.

As you point out, your friend has lots of friends.  You have just this friend.   So if you were to treat this person as they treat you, they'd not feel it as you feel it - they'd simply spend time with another friend instead. 

It likely isn't their fault.  They are just wired differently.  

Try to think of it like a friendship cake.  You give all your cake and receive just a slice.  Not fair, but it isn't really intentional.   

If you can get past the hurt, and realise it isn't personal...   perhaps you can carry on with the friendship with different expectations?   I hope so, for your sake. 

I appreciate that more than you know... I had one close friend but I always seem to be the one she is "too busy" to spend time with yet there's constant days she is out with her other friends, I just feel like I'm not good enough or maybe too much for her to deal with which is really hurtful but I also understand it. I have taken a step back the last couple of weeks and not been responding because the only time she seems to talk to me is when she needs something or needs "my assistance" as she calls it, not even a "hello or how are you". Maybe I'm just being too sensitive but I could write lists of things that she's said or done that just make me feel totally worthless of her care anymore. I don't feel like I fit into her life anymore and I keep going between sadness and then rage, the rage has stayed a bit longer this time and that is also partly why I've stepped back because I don't want to say something I know I will regret when I've calmed down slightly. I know everyone has their own lives but it can be really hurtful when I see she has been out with her other friends and not me. Again, I don't want to disrupt her life by bringing this up and her thinking I'm trying to make everything about me, being perceived is one of my main daily struggles and although I could write lists about how I feel, I don't want to be in the spotlight if that makes any sense at all! So for now I have just stayed silent, I don't know what's worse to be honest but I'm scared of what might come from the anger in me... online or far away friends seems to be my best bet for now. 

Legylo said:

I've never been able to make friends

Not true.  We made friends over mud/dirt.  So there 

I've never been able to make friends. I try so hard but no one likes me.

That happens to me too, after a while my jaw feels like its locked and I physically cannot speak....its weird

Maybe we need like a secret sign or signal or something :)

You’re right of course but I’m not sure of what to do tbh, I guess I’m just copying others but I truly don’t find it entertaining. It’s masking at its best (or worse)

And THEY think WE are weird !! 

I looked around at their behaviour, the things that entertained them and how they conducted themselves and thought is this really how the majority want to live their lives. It just reminds me of why I try to stay away from people like that. 

It’s difficult. I have struggled with it all my life. I'll be 28 this year, and I don't have a single friend or relationship irl. I never have. I think it's a lot harder for autistic people. I'm also level 2 autism and making friends feels impossible to me.

Snowfairy said:

I have faith and hope that I'll have a friend one day.

You're amongst friends here for a start !  

I think a lot of people don't think, they don't think that groups offering help for those with high needs are going to be totally inappropriate for you and that they may not even accept you, I had this when I enquired about a group run by MIND, it was only for teenagers, I needed help and support from somewhere more age appropriate like AGE UK, only AGE UK is really Age England, there's an Age Wales and an Age Gwynedd and they'd never heard of older people with ASC, so they're no help at all.

I don't think a lot of professionals understand the need for alone time either, they call it self isolating, we call it time to not have to engage with others. When you spend time in the alternative medicine and spiritual worlds that I have been involved in, being able to spend time alone and be comfortable with yourself is valued, it's seen as very much a positive thing, that you don't need to drown out your own thoughts with distractions from the outside world and can take the time to recharge your inner batteries. I wonder what it is that makes so many NT's afraid of people who are happy in their own company?

overwhelmed & underwhelmed said:

I don't believe that either of you CrazyCatLady222 Snowfairy are socially useless or the worst friend in the universe - I just think you've not met the right people - it is a law of averages problem.   Keep the faith !  

I have faith and hope that I'll have a friend one day. Thanks overwhelmed & underwhelmed :)

I'm just reading the comments - a day on - and I bet everyone here would have less worries about talking to people, making & maintaining friendships if they knew they were mixing with Autistic people rather than having the added (worry) of wondering if the people they were speaking with were Autistic or likely not.  

Take5 said:

I had to socialise on the weekend just past and I had jaw ache from trying to smile too much

Nothing personal, but isn't this smiling just a societal norm inflicted on us by NT people?   Aren't you just meant to smile when you are happy?  

And THEY think WE are weird !!  

Smiling is difficult for me too. I had to socialise on the weekend just past and I had jaw ache from trying to smile too much.a truly exhausting experience 

1 in 20 people you pass in the street are likely Autistic.  Unfortunately they don't wear a sign....    I'm all for t-shirts and such....    (said with irony)

I wonder about this point too. I often think that I could come across as unapproachable or maybe unfriendly. I rarely smile and probably lack facial expressions unless I’m trying to fit in and making an effort. I know people could find me difficult to talk to so may avoid? I don’t really know any autistic people so my view is probably based on NT folks.

Dad2067 said:

Do you think we also give out some kind of vibe that makes us unapproachable or unfriendly?

No.  I essentially think NT people are often incompatible with ND people and a lot of time, effort and heartache is spent trying to force the issue.  If ND people were able to connect with more of their own type, it might be somewhat easier, putting it simply. 

I sometimes wonder this too but I don't think it's us. Maybe people see we're different and because of that they don't want to give us a chance? If that's true, that's sad, they are losing out on knowing amazing people.

Congrats on your diagnosis BTW. Welcome to the forum!