What is it like for you making friends

It's very difficult, I never know what to say, and when I do say something, it's usually something weird. When I do try to talk, I stutter like crazy, and I can't control it. I will always stay polite, of course, and say, Hello, how are you doing? 

I hate to admit this but I actually don’t have any friends  I just learn I can’t cope with having them and therefore I don’t feel I can be my true self. I mean I don’t really go out so I can’t really make friends at home but it’s the fear of making them then losing them again. I’ve had enough trauma and bullying from schools so for me I quite enjoy my own company. Call me squidward 

Very difficult. Perhaps impossible.

I don’t really know what to say to people until I have a mental model of them and this makes first meetings and impressions very difficult. Environments like work where we are forced to spend time together are very useful as that gives me time to understand the person and what they like to talk about.

All my adult “friends” have been via work, but I realise they are not true friends. I see other work colleagues forming real outside of work relationships and doing things together but this doesn’t happen for me.

Then there’s remembering people exist and that they expect me to initiate communication fairly regularly…

And yet I am desperate to have people in my life.

Same here. In secondary school I remember teachers getting me in a group with other peers so I didn't feel alone yet I felt like my peers only participated out of obligation. I wouldn't say I don't have friends but I am very careful with them because I've had poor experiences of being let down by others before.

Also, social anxiety doesn't help because I really hate being thrust into group situations with people I don't know very well; I end up having to be forced to play a role to try to fit in and I hate it. Now, I don't force myself into groups if it is too much pressure - I need to somewhat pace myself and do it on my own terms rather than someone else's.

I guess because I work as a receptionist, I need time to be alone because being around lots of people everyday becomes exhausting. I do like my colleagues and get on well with them - it is just my social battery drains very easily.

Hi Pegg, I often wonder why people want loads of friends? Is it insecurity and the need to be part of ‘the pack’, I don’t know how people manage a large network of friends, are they true friends or acquaintances? I sometimes ‘people watch’, there is normally one person who the rest clamber for attention with. 

I really do understand that some autistic people suffer terribly with loneliness, I’ve honestly never felt this, I totally enjoy having time alone.

I miss some former members on here though, maybe we could have been friends, but tis the nature of internet forums to be transient I guess.

I think my idea of a friend is probably different from most people I see, who seem to make friends very quickly, yet it seems to me, superficially. I would say, many, maybe most of these friendships are superficial, imo of course.

It doesn't suit me, I'd rather the company of my dog and the outdoors tbh.

That said, I have occasionally made a friend - I do mean occasionally! Of those still living, I have known them for a long time. I'm content enough, I wouldn't want too much human contact, being a solitary  person

I find myself in exactly the same situation, it’s not that I dislike people, I just find friendships too demanding, I never know if I’ve said too much, not enough or the correct thing. It’s as if I’m in a play and trying to get all the lines correct. 

I’m always on my guard and don’t know if I trust people or if they have an ulterior motive.

I'm quite happy just being with my wife, I don’t have to mask so  much. She understands that I often need time alone. I’m happier listening to nature than people, they seem too noisy.

Both making and maintaining friendships has always been a struggle. I decided to stop face to face socialising within the last 12 months because I couldn't handle the logistics of it all. I'm not one of those people who can just 'hang out' and I find it really awkward and difficult to relax.

I have people that I see and say hello to in the gym where I work, but the only person I spend real time with is my partner. Everything else really drains me.

I find online friendships much easier, and especially easier if they're ND too.

It’s difficult. Now looks like I’m loosing the only friend I have (in real life), I can say I have few online friends from this forum, sometimes I wish I could meet them (we live far away from each other) but at the same time I’m happy that I’m in touch with someone without all this hustle that comes with meeting in person (breaking the routine, risk of changing plans, noise and chaos in the town). I heard It’s not good to be isolated and only communicate online, I feel like I would like to meet someone sometimes but I have no one to meet. I don’t have official diagnosis, so I also can’t join any local support group. At least I could join here. It’s hard I don’t know if I can advise anything. I used to try masking in the past - I stood with a group of people and smiled, nodded and tried to make eye contact and generally mimic their gestures to blend in and be like them and to finally find some friend, but it was impossible, although the masking itself was exhausting. At that time I had no idea about autism and I had no help at all. I also feel like having more than one friend is too much. 

I've only got 1 friend and they're autistic too. It really isn't easy. Meeting new people just feels awkward at first.

So difficult.

I've never had a friend, it feels like it's impossible to make friends.

I'm 44 and have never made a single friend. Communication is so difficult and idle chit chat is pointless to me.

However, I'm finally coming to terms with the fact it will never happen.

Congratulations on your diagnosis! 

My answer to your question is... i manage tragically! 

I'm able to get on friendly terms with people, but I don't know how to move it forward from there. I have had lots of "friends" that I never see, or was awkward when it was outside the context I know them in. I'm a friendly person, which I think is how I'm able to get started with it, but over time it just fades. I have one friend now, who I haven't seen in ages. But, they're a very understanding friend who has a very busy schedule so that kind of works! 

But I'm honestly quite happy nowadays without many people around me. I'm not alone, nor do I feel lonely. And just like you, more than one friend is exhausting! One day I just asked myself - do I really, genuinely want more friends? Aaand I decided nah, not really. 

Animals on the other hand? Yes please all the animals. 

I like having a few weeks along between social meets which makes it very hard to form friendships or relationships. At work I want to be left alone the majority of the time which makes me an outcast. My special interests make it difficult meeting anyone I have much in common with, especially as I have little interest in most things regular people do. So it's nigh on impossible even though I would like to have a few close connections with people.

I feel like it's some sort of test that I am forever failing! My jaw locks and the back of my head starts to really hurt when I'm trying to talk to people in real life... so many sensations and none of them seem pleasant Forever feeling like I want friends but cannot actually deal with everything that comes along with it 

I've never been able to make friends. I try so hard but no one likes me.

It’s difficult. I have struggled with it all my life. I'll be 28 this year, and I don't have a single friend or relationship irl. I never have. I think it's a lot harder for autistic people. I'm also level 2 autism and making friends feels impossible to me.

I think a lot of people don't think, they don't think that groups offering help for those with high needs are going to be totally inappropriate for you and that they may not even accept you, I had this when I enquired about a group run by MIND, it was only for teenagers, I needed help and support from somewhere more age appropriate like AGE UK, only AGE UK is really Age England, there's an Age Wales and an Age Gwynedd and they'd never heard of older people with ASC, so they're no help at all.

I don't think a lot of professionals understand the need for alone time either, they call it self isolating, we call it time to not have to engage with others. When you spend time in the alternative medicine and spiritual worlds that I have been involved in, being able to spend time alone and be comfortable with yourself is valued, it's seen as very much a positive thing, that you don't need to drown out your own thoughts with distractions from the outside world and can take the time to recharge your inner batteries. I wonder what it is that makes so many NT's afraid of people who are happy in their own company?

I sometimes wonder this too but I don't think it's us. Maybe people see we're different and because of that they don't want to give us a chance? If that's true, that's sad, they are losing out on knowing amazing people.